Sonic Products
by KaoruTheRandomBookworm
Summary: Various Sonic Products with humorous malfunctioning. Warning: Kaoru's Toyland is not an actual store. Hosted by Kaoru the Hare with special guest hosts that brings new drama to the table.
1. Sonic: Let's Play Tag!

A brown hare appeared on the television. She was sitting behind what appeared to be a news desk. "We interrupt your regularly scheduled program, The Jetsons: Where Are They Now?, to sell you something seemingly useless..."

Three clicks were heard over the speakers and a voice interrupted, "Uh...Kaoru, the Jetsons aren't even born yet, those tapes came from the _future. _There _is no_ Where Are They Now show. These people were watching Pokemon. Don't make up show names; you're supposed to be a professional. Also, I don't think calling your product seemingly useless will rack up sell numbers."

"Like, I said...We interrupt your regularly scheduled program Digimon..."

"Pokemon, Kaoru..."

"Right, that. To sell you something useless...I didn't say seemingly this time," Kaoru smiled widely at the air.

"I give up!" The voice yelled as three clicks were heard over the speakers again.

"All around the world, or at least the tri-state area, kids are buying the _HOTTEST_ toy out there. SONIC: LET'S PLAY TAG! This toy looks EXACTLY like Sonic the Hedgehog. And not only that, but this product is actual speed of over 700 mph! That's right! You can play tag with what seems to be the EXACT Sonic the Hedgehog!

"You'll have hours of fun playing tag with this toy! All you have to do is take this toy out of the box, push the button on its foot, and Sonic starts the game. Then, all you have to do is TRY to outrun him. Yeah, that's right. ALL you have to do is TRY and outrun the guy that can run over 700 miles an hour. HA! Yeah. Good luck with _that_. _After_ Sonic tags you, it's your turn to tag him. Then it goes back and forth, we all know how the game works.

"Because Sonic is so fast, we can pretty much guarantee that you WON'T win this game and you most like WON'T EVER see him again after he tags you. Doesn't that sound like _loads_ of fun? OF COURSE IT DOES! And you can have this VERY ENTERTAINING toy for only $5,678,789,987.99 If you happen to be unhappy with this toy, (Which I pretty much can guarantee you will) you can return it for about 1/10000 of what you paid for it! Well, that's if you can catch it and put it back into the box, and only then.

"Now, let's hear from some of our very happy customers:"

* * *

Knuckles the echidna appeared on screen and he seemed to be laughing, "WHAT? THERE'S A SONIC TOY? WHAT STUPID PERSON THOUGHT OF THAT?"

Someone from off-camera said, "You know that little chocolate brown hare? Kaoru?"

Knuckes snorted, "I'm surprised the toy wasn't Shadow."

"Actually, I think she's working on it..." the camera guy said again.

Knuckles facepalmed.

The camera skipped over to some guy off the street that looked highly confused, "Sonic: Let's play tag? I bought that thing two weeks ago and haven't seen it since!"

The camera skipped yet again to a little girl that was crying loudly. "MY SONIC TOY STAYS RUNNING AROUND MY HOUSE IN CIRCLES! I CAN NEVER CATCH IT! AND WHEN I TRY IT JUST STANDS THERE AND TAUNTS ME! IT LAUGHS AT ME AND MAKES FUN OF ME! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" The little girl ran off wailing.

* * *

"YOU SEE? This is a fabulous toy that _everyone_ loves! You'll never be bored with this toy! Come by my store, Kaoru's Toyland, any time to purchase one! Warning: We are not responsible for any mental or physical trauma this toy may cause. We are also not responsible for loss of limbs.

"Now we shall return you to your regularly scheduled program, So You Think You Can Limbo!"

"The were watching Pokemon!" the exasperated voice called.

* * *

**A/N**

**This is a random product I came up with today and just HAD to write it down. **

**Sorry for the OC, Kaoru is an OC. She's a chocolate hare who really likes Shadow.**

**Warning: Kaoru's Toyland is not an actual store. (Just in case you didn't know) **

**For more fun with Kaoru read New Girl In Town.**

**Please Review **

**Kaoru calls him Mr. Disembodied Voic because she has never actually SEEN her director except for the day she hired him. She never sees him face to face and therefore forgot (Or perhaps thought it funner to forget) that he isn't "Just a voice" She will only evercall him 'Mr. Director' or 'Mr. Disembodied voice.' His identity is unknown. **


	2. Cream: Tickle Party!

A hare sitting behind a news desk appeared on the tv screen. The name Kaoru the Hare was hoveering above her head. "We interrupt your regularly scheduled program, Smurf's: Finally Captured, for a boring advertisement."

A voice came on over the speakers of the commercial studio and said, "Kaoru...please don't tell me we are starting this again...The Smurfs are still alive and well in their village. Why would they get captured? These people were watching Scooby-Doo...And how do you expect to sell anything if you call your advertisements boring?"

"Uh...sure. Right. Of course my advertisements aren't boring. Now, I'm going to sell you something that just may ruin your life."

"Kaoru, it's a wonder you ever sell anything," the voice said from the speakers;

"I'm not sure I asked your opinion disembodied voice." Kaoru said in a sugary sweet voice.

"I'M YOUR DIRECTOR!" the voice yelled loudly, causing the speakers to pop slightly.

"Silly, disembodied voices can't be directors," Kaoru giggled.

"Oy, I need a drink," the director mummbled.

"We can still hear you..."

The director could be heard choking back a scream of annoyance and three clicks were heard as the speakers were turned off.

"Anyhow, like I was saying. Today I am going to sell you the _WORLDS GREATEST DOLL_ called Cream: Tickle Party. (This doll is in no way a rip off of Tickle Me Elmo.) Does not come with Cheese doll. And this doll is ONLY 693,594 Euros. That's right! Euros! From Europe! Ja!

"This doll is 2 ft tall and has Cream The Rabbit's COMPLETE PERSONALITY! Or rather the personality she had three years ago when she was six. Well, except the six year old innocent cuteness, so she is really just a cry baby. In fact, if you get close enough to actually "tickle" this doll, she will panic and start crying. And there is absolutely no way to make her stop crying."

The speakers clicked back on and the director said, "Kaoru," with a tone of warning.

"OKAY! Fine, there is one way to make her stop crying, but...I'm not going to tell you."

"KAORU!"

"You never let me have any fun... The only way to make Cream stop crying is to buy our very expensive, sold separately Cheese doll! We, at Kaoru's Toyland, have made TONS of Chao dolls to sell but only ONE Cheese doll. And because we _cannot_ tell the difference between the Chaos, in fact the only thing that _can_ tell the difference is the Cream doll, we are going to label them all as Cheese and sell them to you at various high prices. That's right! Your Chao doll can cost anywhere from 6,389,394 to 106,397,239,938 pesos! That's right, PESOS! FROM PESA! Supply and Demand my friend, supply and demand. And remember kids, the only thing to stop our _adorable_ Cream doll from crying is to give her the _actual_ Cheese doll. So, you are either going to have to buy multiple Chaos or be EXTREMELY lucky! But personally, I'd buy multiple Chaos. Chaos are so much fun to play with.

"Now, let's hear some reviews from some of our satisfied customers:"

* * *

The camera skipped over to a very distraught Cream, "IS THIS SUPPOSE TO BE ME? THIS IS NOTHING LIKE ME? WHO DID THIS?"

"It was Kaoru," the camera man told her.

"WHAT? I THOUGHT SHE WAS MY FRIEND!" Cream whined slightly.

The screen jumped over to Sonic, who was lying on the roof of Amy's house, "Huh? Toy? Is that what this is?" He picked up the thrashing and crying Cream toy. "I thought this was really Cream."

Somewhere off camera Cream could be heard running of crying.

Sonic nodded, "Yup. Don't see a difference. I have to go after her now." Sonic ran off after her.

The screen jumped to a guy standing in front of McDonalds and he was holding our doll, "WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE CRYING!"

* * *

"See? Our toy is GREAT! Warning: We are not responsible for loss of hearing or OhNoI'mYankingOutMyOwnHair Syndrome. So come on down to Kaoru's Toyland and get your very own Cream: Tickle Party! today! We now return you to your regularly scheduled program, Pink Panther: The Early Years."

The director sighed loudly, "Scooby-Doo."

* * *

**A/N**

**Kaoru obviously does things her own way and has very selective hearing. Maybe one day she'll actually listen to her director. **

**Kaoru calls her director Mr. Disembodied Voic because she has never actually SEEN her director except for the day she hired him. She never sees him face to face and therefore forgot (Or perhaps thought it funner to forget) that he isn't "Just a voice" She will only evercall him 'Mr. Director' or 'Mr. Disembodied voice.' His identity is unknown. **


	3. Messenger Robo: Fun With Bombs!

Kaoru the Hare appeared on screen behind a news desk. "We interrupt your program for a less entertaining announcement. Now on sale at Kaoru's Toyland is Messenger Robo: Fun With Bombs!

"Messenger Robo: Fun With Bombs is a brand new toy that we are offering for a limited time only. There have been multiple recalls for this toy and we refuse to return these toys to our supplier, so every toy must be gone by next week before our store undergoes inspection and/or investigation! And because this product must go NOW. Oh and it might be slightly potentially dangerous," Kaoru coughed once before continuing. "We are selling it to you for the low, low price of only 687,384 Yen. That's right! Yen! From YENTA!

"Because we, at Kaoru's Toyland, believe bigger is better Messenger Robo: Fun With Bombs is NOT actual size. In fact, Messenger Robo: Fun With Bombs is over 12 FEET TALL! Messenger Robo: Fun With Bombs has ALL the features of the real Messenger Robo and MORE! Just like the real Messenger Robo, our toy comes with ACTUAL messages from Eggman. That's Right. _The_ Dr. Eggman! Messenger Robo comes with over 672 of Dr. Eggman's Message TVs. Also, just like the real messages, some of them actually explode! And our Messenger Robo: Fun With Bombs also does whatever Eggman tells him to, just like the actual Messenger Robo!

He does Karate!

He sings!

He counts down to when a bomb explodes!

He dances! Well, he does dance, but he doesn't dance well.

Plus much more!

And our toy comes with all of the accessories of the REAL MESSENGER ROBO!

He has an ACTUAL working jet pack.

He carries an ACTUAL green delivery bag.

And he has an ACTUAL locket containing an ACTUAL picture of his secret crush, CREAM THE RABBIT!

And just like the ACTUAL Messenger Robo, our toy will cry, scream, and lose control of his temper.

To keep our toy happy, make sure you feed it tons of desserts, his favorite being various cakes and pies. Or, you can just feed it any of Ella's cooking. If you want to highly upset our Messenger Robo, MAKE SURE TO FEED IT VEGETABLES! Now, let's hear from some of our satisfied costumers, shall we:"

* * *

Bokkun, or messenger robo, appeared on scream and seemed to be frantic.** "**What? I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON CREAM! WHO TOLD YOU? IT WAS ROUGE WASN'T IT? WASN'T IT? IT'S A LIE!" Bokkun ran off crying clutching his precious Cream locket. He's obviously in denial.

Next to appear on screen was the evil Dr. Eggman. "Well, what do you know, bigger IS better. Toy! Do as I say!" Behind Eggman, the real Messenger Robo could be seen in the background. He was looking highly disgruntled at his replacement.

The camera skipped over to a little boy at the park, "Have you seen my mommy? HAVE YOU? MOMMY!" The little boy fell to the ground and burst into tears.

* * *

"There you have it, folks! Our toy is one of the best out there! Warning: We are not responsible for loss of limbs, disfigurement, or the kidnapping of small children.I will now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

"Am I off? YAY! I actually went a whole commercial without being interrupted by my director!"

"Actually Kaoru," the director said as Kaoru was cheering to herself, "you're still on..."

"OH!"

* * *

**A/N**

**For the people who watch the 4kids version, Messenger Robo does, in fact, have a crush on Cream. Which is shown in the last episode of the series. 4kids, however, edited the section out that showed it was Cream. No idea why. **

**Kaoru calls her director Mr. Disembodied Voic because she has never actually SEEN her director except for the day she hired him. She never sees him face to face and therefore forgot (Or perhaps thought it funner to forget) that he isn't "Just a voice" She will only evercall him 'Mr. Director' or 'Mr. Disembodied voice.' His identity is unknown. **

**Please review. **


	4. Lucky: A Falling Star!

"We interrupt you normally scheduled commercial to show you A DIFFERENT COMMERCIAL! _Everyone_ needs a little Luck in their life, and _we_ are going to give it to you! Who can guess what toy we are selling next? Go on! Guess!"

The director's voice came over the speakers and he sounded concerned. "Uh...Kaoru...you do know that they can't answer you, right?"

"WRONG! And you'll _always_ be wrong!"

"Kaoru...you shouldn't make our viewers feel bad about themselves," the director lectured her.

"HEY! What happened to not interrupting my show Mr. Disembodied Voice?"

"I'm your director!" he yelled at her.

"We've been over this already! Disembodied voices _CANNOT_ be directors. _ANYHOW!_ We have come up with a brand new toy to sell you. For all you that guessed wrong our new toy is based off of a robot from the E series! Can you guess now? OF COURSE YOU CAN'T! Our new toy is based off of the one, the only...E-77. Other wise known as LUCKY! In fact, we have the _real_ Lucky here with us today to tell you all about this new toy, Lucky: A Falling Star. (Falling stars are lucky) Before we bring him in, I want to say that our new Lucky: A Falling Star (get it, he falls over a lot!) comes in various colors and is _GUARENTEED_ to bring you luck in_ EVERYTHING_ you do."

"Kaoru, don't try to explain jokes to our viewers..."

"NOW, time to bring in our guest. LUCKY!"

Kaoru: Hello Lucky, nice of you to join us today.

Lucky: Beep beep beep

Kaoru: So, are you happy with how your toy has come out?

Lucky: Beep beep beep boop boop bip beep

Kaoru: Now, the height of this toy is definitely larger than actual size, standing at Five feet tall, do you think this will cause any problems?

Lucky: Boop boop bip beep beep

Kaoru: Ah, I see, I see. Well, this toy is incredibly top heavy, are you worried that this may cause any problems with say, squishing small children?

Lucky: Beep beep boop bip bip bip beep boop bip beep boop boop boop beep bip

Kaoru: Ah, I see...

Lucky: Bip boop boop beep beep boop bip beep

Kaoru: Yes, yes. I understand your concern. Well, we are almost out of time Lucky, so I'll say good-bye to you here while we hear from some of our happy customers.

* * *

I random guy running out of a library was cheering loudly, "THIS TOY IS GREAT! SINCE I BOUGHT IT I'VE FOUND OVER $1,000 DOLLARS AND WON THE LOTTERY! YIPEE!"

A little boy was standing on side of the road yelling loudly, "HELP! THIS TOY FELL ON MY DOG! HE'S GONNA DIE! HELP!"

Eggman appeared on screen only to yell, "TRAITOR!" He shot a missle at the toy, only to miss and hit our camera.

* * *

The screen was filled with grayness for a few moments before recovering. "You see! Everyone is shouting with excitement about our toy! This is definitely our best yet! And YOU can get all of this excitement for just 347,389,398 Won! That's right! Won! From...actually...I don't know where won is from...so...Um. I'm just going to say it's from...Won...derland! YES! From Wonderland! Warning: We are not responsible for the sudden development of Brittle Hair Disease...or death of small animals...or meteors falling out of the sky. Disclaimer: Just because you buy our Lucky toy does not necessarily mean you will receive good luck, but buy our toy anyway or we WILL find you."

"Kaoru, don't threaten our viewers," the director said, sounding bored.

"_Our_ viewers? _My_ viewers. We now return you to your regularly scheduled commercial. Ha! I heard they are selling shoes! Talk about useless. Our toys, now _that_ is useful."

"Just stop already."

"GOOD-BYE EVERYBODY!"

* * *

**A/N**

**I hope you enjoyed this product commercial. **

**Lucky doesn't actually speak, he only talks in beeps...**

**Kaoru calls the director Mr. Disembodied Voic because she has never actually SEEN her director except for the day she hired him. She never sees him face to face and therefore forgot (Or perhaps thought it funner to forget) that he isn't "Just a voice" She will only evercall him 'Mr. Director' or 'Mr. Disembodied voice.' His identity is unknown. **

**Maybe one day Kaour will listen to her director, or maybe he'll get sick of her and quit. *Cough* Read the next chapter to find out. **

**Please review. **

**Want to see a product up here, (a sonic one), please just review to tell me. Products I am thinking about is a Lady Ninja and Rouge. **


	5. Kaoru's Toyland: Commercial Rehearsal!

A click was heard as the speakers around the studio were turned on. All of the stage hands and other members of the crew stopped what they were doing to hear what the director had to say.

"Has anyone seen Kaoru?" Came the voice. The various crew members looked at each other and small murmurings could be heard. A sigh was heaved over the speakers. "Of course not. You'd think that she'd take this seriously for once."

Just then, the chocolate hare came running onto the stage. "Hey, Mr. Disembodied Voice Director Sir! Are you talking about me?"

"Actually, yes, I was," the relief in his voice was clear. "We need to get this dress rehearsal started. We only have a few hours before we go live and we need to tune up your lines. Got it?"

Kaoru tail twitched excitedly, "Okay!"

"On my mark...ACTION!"

"We are proud to interrupt this Charity Fundraiser to try to get you to spend your money on _us_ and not them!"

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, hold it right there, Kaoru. You can't say that on the air."

Confusion appeared on Kaoru's face, "But...I didn't say a bad word..."

"Well...no...But One: Charity is very important to this world, and two: Our viewers won't even be watching a charity fundraiser. They'll be watching Angel."

Kaoru giggled loudly, "You can't watch angels Mr. Disembodied Voice...You can't even _see_ them. So it would be _impossible_ to _watch_ them."

"No, Angel is a television show. You know, the one about the vampire who's cursed with a soul... He fights off demons and what not...you know the show I'm talking about..."

"OKAY! We interrupt your regularly scheduled program, Demons: What Happens When Night Won't Fall, to sell you something that will most likely break in under a month."

Disbelief was evident in the director's voice when he said, "That sounds nothing at all like what I said..." Then loudly he yelled, "KAORU! ANGEL!"

"You think I'm an angel?" Kaoru sai,d flattered, "That's so sweet."

"No! They are going to be watching Angel..."

Disappointment shadowed Kaoru's face, "So, you_ don't_ think I'm an angel?"

"As a matter of fact...I don't," said the director smugly.

Kaoru's ears dropped a bit, "Oh..."

"Also, you shouldn't question the sanctity of your products. People won't want to buy them if you do..."

Kaoru perked up again, "OKAY! We interrupt..."

"No! Just skip that part and go on..."

"We have a GREAT new toy out there that EVERYONE is buying these days. Seriously...this toy will blow. Your. Mind."

"Now come on. Don't say that. It sounds like you are trying too hard."

"I'm _not_ trying so hard. I'm completely serious..."

Frustration was building in the director's voice, "Just do what I'm telling you to do!"

Irritation flicked through Kaoru's eyes. "Fine! We have a great new toy out there that I'm not allowed to talk up," she said as she crossed her arms over her chest, and stared indignantly at the ceiling.

"KAORU! No! Ugh! JUST GET ON WITH IT!"

"Our new toy that is sweeping the planet Mobius is called, Shadow: Let's Do the Macarena!"

The director's quiet voice was barely heard over the speaker this time, "That's not what our new toy is called."

"Huh?" Kaoru asked, not hearing.

The director's voice shook as he tried to keep it steady, "That's not the name of our new toy."

Kaoru shook her head slightly, "I...don't...understand..."

"THAT'S NOT THE NAME OF OUR NEW TOY!" The studio practically shook with the director's yell.

A small smile spread over Kaoru's face, "Are you sure?"

"YES I'M SURE!" The director's rapid breathing could be heard, "Why aren't you? You're the person that _invents_ the toys..."

Kaoru nodded as she seemed to accept this. "Oh...yeah...can you...uh...tell me the name...of the toy...I invented...please?"

"It's called Rouge: The Jewel Maid"

"And um...what does it do?"

It took a second for the director to answer, "It cleans people's houses."

"THAT'S A HORRIBLE IDEA! Whose idea was that?"

"Yours..."

"Right...well...I like my Shadow idea better."

"But that's not the toy we have in stock," the direct said as if talking to a small child.

"So?"

"So we can't sell a toy we don't have in stock..."

"Why?"

"Because we don't have it."

_"So?" _

"SO WE CAN'T DO A COMMERCIAL FOR IT!" The director was becoming very angry.

"But don't you think Shadow would look adorable doing the Macarena?" Kaoru asked in a quiet voice.

The director could be heard taking a deep breath, "No, and I think he would kill you if you tried to make him."

Kaoru giggled again, "No he wouldn't...silly."

"Actually...I'm surprised he let you live this long..."

Giggling some more, Kaoru said dreamily, "He loves me..."

The director's voice was flat when he answered, "I doubt that. Just...do the toy you're supposed to do.."

"Fine...um...Rouge: The Jewel Maid. This toy will clean your house to perfection. But don't expect to ever see your things ever again because OUR toy sells YOUR stuff on E-Bay and pockets the profits for herself. But hey, what else would you expect from a treasure hunter?"

"Why do the toys you make always have so many problems with them?"

"Problems? My toys don't have any problems with them...they do exactly what I want them to do..."

"So you _want_ your toy to steal everyone's stuff and sell it E-Bay?"

Kaoru said, "Yes." as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"How did you ever become the owner of such a successful business?"

Kaoru smiled widely, "People think I'm adorable."

"Then they are insane...let's carry on..."

"This toy can be _yours_ for only 6,368,743 Yuan. That's right, YUAN! From Yuandala!"

"Yuan is Chinese money...and how can you possibly sell your toys for so much?"

Kaoru stood up straight and placed her hands on her hips, a determined look on her face. "Easily...I'm the only toy store for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of miles. So, people are pretty much forced to buy from me. Supply and Demand. LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION. It's all terribly important to successful people like me." Then Kaoru smiled again, "And you're silly Mr. Disembodied Voice, Chinese money is called Chinos..."

The director sighed again, "Just go on."

"Actually, this is usually where we show the video of our 'happy' costumers."

"Skip it and go on."

"You see? This toy is absolutely fabulous! You'll love it until the day it dies, the battery, I mean..."

"Good good...time for the warning..."

"Warning: We are not responsible for the loss of any of your personal possessions or small children."

"With all the problems your toys have, you're lucky no one beats you with a bat..."

"Bat? My pet bat is at home..."

"Not that kind of bat! A baseball bat!"

"Bats don't play baseball, silly."

"It's the thing you hit the baseball with after the pitcher throws it at you..."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD THROW BASEBALLS AT MY PET BAT!"

"NO! UGH! I QUIT!" A click was heard around the studio as the speakers clicked off and the sound of crashing noises could be heard from all around.

Kaoru shuffled her feet nervously and then looked into the rehearsal camera. "Uh...Just come on down to Kaoru's Toyland to get your new toy, Shadow: Let's Do the Macarena! We now return you to your regularly scheduled Charity Fundraiser. And remember kids, we're more important than them..."

* * *

**A.N. **

**I have successful confused Microsoft Word so much that it cried. I would like to thank all of the people who have helped me achieve this greatness. Let's see, there is me, Destiny, Death, and Hades. Thank you all.**

**This is a dialogue I had to write for my creative writing class, which was originally in the form of a script...so I had to change it from script to story...that only took two hours. So I hope you have enjoyed the story. **

**Both of the toys that were mentioned in this story will have a commercial to go with it.**

**Please review. **


	6. Rouge: The Jewel Maid!

"Hello~ everybody. We interrupt your program for a very special commercial. As you can tell by the fact that I have _not_ been interrupted so far in this show, I no longer have a director. He decided to quit today, a few hours before show time, so here I am. I still have the rest of the crew, so I'm pretty the sure the show _can_ and _will_ go on even if I have to be my own director. But right now, let's get to the new toy.

"We have a special new toy that's taking over Planet Mobius! Rouge: The Jewel Maid! That's right. We have a toy of _the_ Rouge the Bat dressed like a beautiful, if trampy, french maid. I'd also like to say to those few viewers who may fear for my safety for creating this toy, this studio and my home is under constant survellance. There are snipers all around and I am constantly surrounded by a team of body guards. So, HA! Rouge, just _try_ and get through _that_!

"True to its name, this toy will clean your house to perfection, but don't expect to ever see your things again because _our_ toy sells _your_ personal possessions on E-Bay! And you will _never_ see that money for yourselves because _our_ toy will pocket the money that rightfully belongs to _you_. _And_ not only that but any spare change she happens to find around the house will get pocketed, also. And remember not to leave any money lying around in your cars, drawers, or wallets because our toy will take that, too.

"But don't worry, our toy doesn't just steal your things. It will actually CLEAN! Amazing, no? Since I'm sure that most of our viewers are too lazy to get off their butts to actually CLEAN their houses, our toy will do nearly all of it for you. She will dust, vacuum, scrub, et cetra. All while looking for the money and any precious jewels, but we've covered that all ready, yes?

"And if you think all of that is brilliant, our toy will do all of this while finding ways to blackmail your family into doing things she wants. But unless you keep incriminating photos or floor plans and passwords to a gigantic bank vault (which I highly suggest you don't do because, if tempted, she _will_ rob that back and frame you), all of that is highly unlikely.

"Our toy is also very good at being seductive and telling very dirty jokes, so if you have small children I think it's time for you to buy them earmuffs. Which we will soon have on sale at Kaoru's Toyland!

"I am starting to see that we are running low on time so it's time we show the videos from our happy customers!"

* * *

A husband could be seen taken off his wedding ring, "WHAT? CAMERAS? NO! I LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES ME! DON'T AIR THIS TAPE!" The man ran off clutching the toy close to himself.

A young woman was yelling frantically, "MY GRANDMOTHER'S WEDDING RING! IT'S GONE! IT WAS WORTH THOUSANDS! TENS OF THOUSANDS!" She burst into tears and covered her face with her hands.

A little boy came on camera, "Kaoru's Toyland? I've never heard of it." The boy was suddenly pulled off camera and sounds of a struggle could be heard.

* * *

"As you can see, our toy is wonderful and can help you with your everyday life. Our toy is on sale for only 6,368,743 Yuan. So come on down to Kaoru's Toyland and pick up one today! Warning: We are not repsonsible for loss of personal possessions or husbands."

Three clicks were suddenly heard over the speakers.

"Um, is someone in the director's booth?"

"Kaoru!" The ex-director's voice came over the speakers.

"MR. DISEMBODIED VOICE!"

"KAORU! I'VE BEEN WATCHING THE SHOW! IT'S ROUGE! SHE'S REALLY MAD! SHE BROKE THROUGH YOUR SECURITY! YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

A door behind Kaoru was thrown open and Rouge was standing in the doorway with fire in her eyes.

"Ha, um, I now return you to your regularly scheduled program. Rouge, it was a joke, see? ROUGE!

* * *

**A/N**

**I hope you enjoyed this. **

**Please review!**


	7. Shadow: Let's Do the Macarena!

"Hi everybody~ and welcome to another Kaoru's Toyland Commercial. As you all can tell, this week I am sporting a broken arm and a broken ankle and though I can't tell you how I received them, I _can_ say that it was a jewel hunter. Though the legality of the situation prohibits me from giving a name. Those of you worried for my safety. Don't be, my security has been built up. Our problem today is that the toy I'm introducing today involved a demonstration that I am now unable to do. So, today I have a guest on our little commercial. SHADOW THE HEDGHOG! Can someone send him in here?"

Shadow stepped onto the stage and narrowed his eyes, "Why am I here?"

"Well Shadow, you are here to help me introduce my new toy. You know I run a toy store these days, right?"

"I first met you years ago when you moved into the house next to Vanilla's and just like then, I do not keep up with your affairs."

"You're so silly Shadow. Okay everybody! Our new toy is drum roll please...SHADOW: LET'S DO THE MACARENA!

"WHAT?"

"This toy is probably my most adorable toy I have ever put into production and onto our shelves, and this toy has many qualities of the _real_ Shadow the hedgehog."

"Before you get started on that, Kaoru, you better watch yourself...I am_ right_ here." Shadow growled at her under his breath.

"This toy looks exactly like the real Shadow and has the same personality. He will gripe and whine at almost everything, but trust me, he does a perfect Macarena! Someone bring out one of the toys, please." A person of the crew brought a box and handed it to Kaoru. Kaoru then took out the toy and set it next to the real Shadow. "As you can see here, my toy is a perfect replica of the real Shadow. Same exact height, same stance (Arms crossed), same scowl, same shoes, perfect replica. And just like the real Shadow." Kaoru pressed the toy's nose, turning it on, "this toy is very adorable when doing the Macarena. Sound guy? Cue the music. As you will soon be able to tell, this toy will act exactly like the real Shadow."

The Macarena began to play over the speakers and both Shadows curled their hands into fists and uncross their arms. "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!" They both yelled at Kaoru, who only smiled. "I WON'T DO IT!"

"Cut the music!" Kaoru walked over to the real Shadow and whispered something into his ear and he glared at her as she did the same to the toy. "Cue the Music!" This time when the music started, both of the Shadows started 'shaking it' and doing the Macarena with scowls on their faces. Kaoru started to laugh and stared at the real Shadow, "As you can see, both of the Shadows love to do the Macarena and they both love me. I love you, Shadow."

The real shadow only scowled deeper and jumped when the toy replied, "I love you, Kaoru." The real Shadow stopped doing the Macarena and threw a dirty look at Kaoru as the toy started jumping and continued. "I'm out of here," the real Shadow muttered and he walked off the set.

"Just give it two seconds," Kaoru said into the camera and two seconds later, the toy did the same. "Someone catch that toy and reset it! As you can see, the toy will try and put up a fight when the Macarena music first starts playing and whenever you receive the toy, the password to get it to start playing will be on a slip of paper inside the box, and as long as you don't irritate the toy too much, he will stay doing the Macarena for as long as you want it too. Sadly, this toy only came out today so we have no videos of happy customers, but I will personally vouch for this toy. This toy is excellent and I personally have five of them. So come on down to Kaoru's Toyland and come get your personal, Shadow: Let's Do the Macarena, today for only 6,000 pebbles. Warning: We are not responsible for sudden exhaustion."

"Now, boys, one more time! Oh Shadows!" Six Shadows walked onto the stage and Kaoru looked confused for a moment before smiling. "Couldn't get past security, huh Shadow?" She laughed lightly.

"Shut-up," the real Shadow muttered from last in line.

"Alrighty then! Positions everyone!" The six Shadows formed a circle around Kaoru. "CUE MUSIC," the Macarena started and all the Shadows started doing the Macarena. Kaoru laughed loudly as she whirled in a circle on her good ankle and yelled over the music, "I NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULAR PROGRAM!"

* * *

**A/N**

**It's fun the things I do to Shadow against his will. :) **

**I hope you enjoyed the show. **

**The director wasn't in this one. Even though he helped Kaoru last chapter, he still quit. **

**Please review**


	8. Sonic: In A Box!

"This is going to be fun," Shadow chuckled as he appeared on screen, standing slightly behind Kaoru.

"Shadow! You said that on air! Ugh, you have to learn the ways of this, but we have to worry about that later. We have a show to do! Hello everyone and here's another Kaoru's Toyland commercial. As you can see, I still have a broken ankle and arm, so Shadow here has enthusiastically agreed to be a demonstrator once again. For two reasons, reason 1: He still hasn't been able to get through security, which won't let us out of the studio, and has been living here. So, as long as he's here, he might as well help. 2: I explained my new toy idea to him and he loved it." Shadow chuckled again. "This week, my new is called SONIC: IN A BOX!" Shadow whispered something into Kaoru's ear and Kaoru nodded and stepped back.

"This toy well be hours of fun for many people just like me. Sonic in a box is all the fun of the real Sonic with his speediness. Sonic in a box cannot be taken out of the box, but is still plenty of fun." Shadow glanced back at Kaoru.

"Can someone bring out the toy?" A stage hand quickly handed the box to Shadow.

"As you can see, this toy is very short compared to the real sonic and only comes up to my knees." Shadow put the box on the floor in front of him and knelt beside the box, opening the top. "You just pull his left ear and it turns it on." Shadow did this and then stepped away from the box. "The toy will react exactly how the real Sonic would react if stuck in a box."

Kaoru walked up behind Shadow and whispered something, then walked off the set. Shadow watched her leave and then a huge grin broke across his face. He turned just as the toy Sonic started reacting.

The toy Sonic was screaming loudly and punching the sides of the box wildly. "Remember children, Sonic is very claustrophobic and can't go five seconds without running somewhere new or saving the world. Having him in this box is pretty much torture for him." Shadow walked away from the box and brought a hand-held video recorder on stage, and started video-taping the now completely panicing toy. "Even fake blackmail is useful, my friends. Now, here is completely useful advice that everyone can gain from learning. When you are about to do something immoral and or unethical, make sure that there is no one who can call you on it nearby. Getting into trouble will not be useful. Now, for my completely immoral and unethical trick. This show has no director as of now, which gave Kaoru free rule of her show, but she trusts me and has excused herself for a few minutes so this would be the perfect time. Can I get a bucket of water?"

It took a few moments but a stage hand came forward with a small bucket of water and mumbled to Shadow that this wasn't on the script and that Kaoru will be upset.

Shadow pushed him away and turned back to the camera. "Now observe what happens to this Sonic. Don't worry, he's water proof." Shadow picked up the bucket and lifted it over the box and began to tip it, "Now slowly fill the box with water..."

When the toy Sonic looked up and saw the water start to pour over him, his eyes bugged out of his head and his panic reached a new high. The water started to pool around his ankles and he tried to climb up the side of the box. When the water was up to his waist, he let out an ear-shattering scream.

Over the scream, you can hear a few of the stage hands muttering about stopping Shadow and/or cutting off the air, but they were too scared of him to do either.

The water was up to Sonic's shoulders when one of the stage hands ran out the door Kaoru had left through earlier. The water had just gone over the panic-stricken Sonic's head when Kaoru raced across the stage, "SHADOW!"

Shadow stopped immediately and narrowed his eyes at the stage hand standing next to her. "Take the box and help that poor toy," Kaoru said to the stage hand, who grabbed the box and walked off stage. "What exactly do you think your doing?" Kaoru asked Shadow, her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed considerably. "Do you have any idea how many kids you probably just traumatized?"

Shadow smirked, "You said I could take over when I asked, and we're still on air."

"OH! Okay everybody. You have seen the wonderfulness of this toy and it is worth 6,094,983,847 mili-helens. Considering the events of tonight's show, we may have to be off air for a few weeks, but please don't forget about Kaoru's Toyland. Sorry to have to cut this show off before showing you the videos of our happy customers but..."

"I'll do it, Kaoru!" A nine year old Cream ran onto the stage and Shadow gave Kaoru a look that said, 'I didn't know she was here, I swear.'

Kaoru nodded at Cream and steered Shadow off the stage. "Here are some videos from our happy customers!"

* * *

Sonic appeared on screen and laughed quietly, "Kaoru made another toy about me? Huh, interesting. I'll watch the show this week."

That random guy from McDonalds that we used before said, "I heard it panics if you pour water on it. Is that true?

Amy appeared on screen and was screaming at the camera, "IT'S NOT FUNNY TO MAKE FUN OF SONIC!" She pulled out her hammer and ran after the camera man.

* * *

"Are those people happy? Nevermind, anyway. Um, As you can see, this toy is absolutely fabulous. Come on down to Kaoru's Toyland today and pick up your own. Warning: We are not responsible for Amy coming to your house and harming you for buying this toy. Do you really think she would do that? That's all we have time for today. Have a great week. Goodbye Everybody~.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE. **

**Shadow is a sadistic...Anyway. To read how Kaoru met the Sonic character's, please read New Girl in Town. Or don't, your choice. I think Cream may host the next show by herself. ****This show takes place three years after New Girl In Town, by the way. **

**Come back for the next chapter to see what happens next. (In case no one noticed, Sonic was watching this show as it was on LIVE, he won't be happy. **

**Have an idea for a Sonic toy? Send me a review. Or just send me one to comment on how much you love (or hate) this story. Have a good day. **


	9. Tails: Find And Fix!

"It's been a few weeks my dear viewers, but all of the issues from before have been handled. Shadow has been banned from this show and security has let him through the barrier and has gotten him out of here safely, although, I did hear of a little scrap with Sonic just before my own personal argument with Sonic. Apparently he didn't like my box toy but sales for that toy have been up and it's time to move on to my next toy. First, I must introduce my new assistant, CREAM THE RABBIT!" Cream walked onto the stage, curtseyed to the camera, and smiled broadly as she stepped behind Kaoru.

"Not long after the last show's fiasco, I came up with a wonderful idea for a toy and got to work on it immediately. Now I introduce, TAILS: FIND AND FIX! This toy is going to be one of the best toys yet. Tails: Find and Fix! looks exactly like the real Tails and can do anything the real Tails can do and more. This toy is specifically designed to find anything you may have lost. Have you lost certain irreplaceable things, such as coins, DS games, or small children and animals, in unreachable places such as the washing machine or down into the cushion of the back seat of a car? Well worry no more! Tails: Find And Fix will take apart that machine to find all of the things you may want back. Tails: Find And Fix! will not rest until he finds whatever you have ordered him to."

Cream stepped forward and smiled widely, "As with most great works of genius, there are always a few bugs that viewers and consumers have a right to know about."

Kaoru sighed from behind Cream and muttered about how her toys don't have bugs and work exactly the way she wanted them too because they were 'more fun this way.'

Cream politely ignored her and went on, "Tails: Find And Fix! will take apart anything that may lead him to the missing item, but the problem is, afterward he gets a little lazy and refuses to put any of it back together. Causing you to spend a lot of money on repair men, or even on entirely new machines and other various 'disableable' items."

Kaoru stepped forward and grimaced slightly as she moved past Cream. "As you can see, Cream has decided to take a more 'responsible' approach to the show." Kaoru's ear twitched with uneasiness as she said the word 'responsible.' "And though the toy may have these 'bugs' wouldn't you rather have the things you lost returned to you? I think that's what's most important when it comes to things like this."

"They do have a right to know though, Kaoru."

"Cream, this is my show and you're my assistant. I agree they have a right to know, even if it is less fun, and I allowed you to tell them, but I have to make money." Creams lower lip jutted out into a pout but she remained silent. "This toy already comes with the basic tools needed to take apart basic machines that he may need to look through. For more complicated machines such as cars or toasters, additional tools will have to be supplied by the toy-buyer. Because of this, Kaoru's Toyland has agreed to open up a tool section of our store."

Kaoru twitched again as Cream stepped forward once more, "Please do not allow small children to run around this section, or any section, for there are many sharp items that may cause harm or serious injury to these children."

"And my company does not want to have to fill out the paperwork for these accidents. Also, do not think about suing us because I can pretty much guarantee that my lawyers are better than yours and a lawsuit will waste time and money on both of our parts. We have been courteous enough to warn you; do not take that fact for granted."

"And now here is a video of the first buyer of this toy," Cream said happily.

* * *

The first buyer of the toy was crying slightly in front of a large pile of rubble. "All I asked of this toy was to find my diamond engagement ring that I thought went through the washing machine. When the toy couldn't find it, it destroyed the whole house looking for the ring. This happened while I was at work, where I happened to find my ring, and the toy will not put the house back together. In fact, I think the toy used parts of things in my house to build a flying mecha and took off into the sky!" The woman turned away from the camera and stood staring at her destroyed house.

* * *

"Whose idea was it to make that video?" Cream asked.

"Yours actually, but if you ask me, the buyer should've read the warning in the box. You can't ask my toy to find something that wasn't anywhere near it."

"I think we are out of time Kaoru."

"Right. Warning: We are not responsible for the dismantlement of houses...or whole neighborhoods. Please read the warning labels on the boxes of my toys that Cream has talked me into including." Cream smiled broadly at this. "Come on down to Kaoru's Toyland today and pick up your own Tails: Find And Fix! today for only 7,000 sand dollars." Kaoru's ears twitched anxiously again when she spoke of the new 'low price' Cream had talked her into.

"Bye everyone!" Cream waved at the camera excitedly.

* * *

**A.N**

**Truthfully, I think working with Cream will be the death of Kaoru. Cream is very innoncent and responsible whereas as Kaoru doesn't feel responsible for anyone except Cream. Well, and Ash if you read the New Girl In Town. And the reason Kaoru keeps Cream on the show is BECAUSE of the feeling of responsibility she has for Cream. We'll see how this plays out. For those of you that don't read New Girl in Town. Kaoru's ears twitch when she's anxious, scared, annoyed, or nervous. Her tail twitches when she's excited. And her nose twitches when she's happy. **

**I'd like to thank Sonic Speed Blue Blur 23 for giving this idea. Well, more than the idea, this person layed out the whole idea, problems and what it does and what not. All I had to do was put it in the story. So thank you, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **

**Please continue reading and please review. Thanks everyone. **


	10. EggmanApproved: PersonalRoboBuilder Kit!

Cream faded into view on the screen, "We are sorry that we didn't have a show last week, but Kaoru had to pull major strings, and get safely out and back in through security to make this new toy legitimate. It seemed pretty easy for her. I think she has connections or something. We also weren't on last week because we have had a change of cast. Kaoru is now in the director's booth until we find a new director and I will now be the host of the show until then. Afterwards, I will go back to being an assistant, but for now let me introduce Kaoru's Toyland's new toy!"

Cream turned away from the camera and walked to a table that was set up behind her. On the table, was a small, first aid kit sized box and a larger box. "Our new toy is the Eggman Approved: Personal Robot Builder Kit! This smaller box here a sold separately kit full of all the tools you will need to use our Robot Builder kit. Remember parents; don't let small children run around the store, most of these tools are highly dangerous.

Kaoru's voice came over the speakers of the studio. "Cream, this isn't an advertisement for our tools, it's for they toy. Can you get on with that?"

Cream pouted slightly and nodded. "This larger box here is the actual Eggman Approved: Personal Robot Builder Kit!" Cream opened the box and dumped everything onto the table.

Kaoru's voice came over again, slightly pained. "Cream, you probably should've pulled everything out one at a time. It would've been easier to show and to clean up. Don't take it personally, you're new and just need to get experienced."

Cream pouted some more and sighed, "You're right." Cream dug through all of the stuff on the table until she found a booklet and held it up to the camera. "This booklet will tell you everything you need to know about this kit, but for now, I'll give you the reduced version. This kit is used to build your own robots, all the instructions are in the booklet, and you can train them as your own army to take over the world. That's right; you can be exactly like Dr. Eggman and create your own army of mechas. All of your Mechas will react to your voice and your voice only. They can learn to achieve any command you may request of them and all the instructions on how will be in this booklet. Also in this booklet, is a list of different 'Eggman approved' robots that you can build, but that does not mean in any way that you are limited to these robots. There is also a list of 'Eggman Approved' beginner commands to teach your robots."

"Because Eggman's robots listen to him _all the time_ and his take over the world schemes _always work_." Kaoru added sarcastically over the speakers.

"Kaoru, you said I could do the show" Cream pouted slightly more. "There is also a list of 'Eggman approved' takeover the world schemes and battle plans. Um, Kaoru, I'm reading the cue cards, and I think it sounds like Eggman is using this commercial and toy to teach everyone his battle plans to make his own army out of your costumers."

"WHAT? You're crazy! We don't use cue cards. Viewers, we _don't_ use cue cards. And that's ridiculous, why would Eggman do that? I promised him 5% of the profits. He wouldn't risk all of that money for a take over the world scheme."

Cream shook her head. "Although you can make your own robot army with this toy, it is only recommended that the toys be no more than three feet tall. Any taller may cause some technical problems that may be dangerous to young children. And now, videos of a few happy customers.

* * *

A guy doing random dance moves appeared on screen. "I have taught every single one of my new robots how to dance. All of their commands are dance related. For example, ROBOTS! DANCE ROUTINE NUMBER 734730874. GO! The robots lined up in a formation with the owner at the front. One of the robots opened a compartment in its chest showing speakers. Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' began to play and all of the robots and their owner, began to dance to it.

The guy from McDonald's that we like to use was shown on the scrren. "I HAVE TAUGHT ALL OF MY ROBOTS HOW TO MAKE MCDONALD'S STANDARD BURGER AND FRIES! YES! I GET TO SAVE MONEY!"

Charmy appeared on screen and was talking quickly. "Oh! Our robots are in training to be detectives, but Vector says he doesn't want me to talk about it."

* * *

"I take back what I said, Kaoru, I don't think anyone is using these robots to take over the world, they are more like personal slaves, dancing, cooking, detectives"

"I wouldn't exactly say that Cream. Part of the name is _personal_...the idea was for them to train the robots the way they wanted the robots to be trained. It never said they _had_ to be trained as an army. I just figured it would sell more to get Eggman to come up with ideas for the book and approved the toy. He _is_ a genius, you know. Even though you'd think that a genius would know about diabetes and cholesterol. But hey."

"Right. Well...this Eggman Approved: Personal Robot Builder Kit! is only 600 coconuts." A struggled gasp came over the speakers. "Warning: We are not responsible for a robot rebellion. So come on down to Kaoru's Toyland and get your own Eggman Approved: Personal Robot Builder Kit! I think that is just about everything. Not bad for my first day. See you next week! Goodbye everyone!

* * *

**Author's Note**

**I'd like to thank VioletTheChao for giving me the general idea for this product. I'd also like to thank Dyslexic-Carmie for the idea of thriller. Thanks bunches to both of you. **

**Kaoru has locked herself away in the director's booth and gave Cream a pretty much free reign as host. Yeah, let's see how long that last. This chapter is meant to be less funny than others, hopefully that succeeded because Cream has a more 'responsible' view on how the show could be. And hopefully her style becomes more experienced and more laid back as time goes on. **

**Hoped you like the chapter, have a good day. **

**Please review. **


	11. Knuckles: The Guard!

"Good morning everybody," Cream yawned at the camera. "I know it's been under a week since our last toy was put out there, but Kaoru insisted that this one came out as soon as possible. Which is also why we are playing in the morning and not at night, and for those who miss the show, Kaoru has ordered that this show be reran multiple times today. Isn't that exciting?" Cream yawned again before continuing. "Though why she just couldn't wait until our normal airing time, who knows? Kaoru is not in the studio right now, because she is off interviewing new directors so it's just me and we'll see how this works out.

"Kaoru has been inventing so many new toys since the last show that the studio is overflowing with different prototypes and this new toy is her absolute favorite. KNUCKLES: THE GUARD! This toy is almost twice the size of the real Knuckles and has many different uses.

"Are your little brothers and sisters always stealing your stuff? Do your friends come over to 'borrow' your clothes or toys, only to never bring them back? Well, all of that changes today when you stop by Kaoru's Toyland to get your own Knuckles: The Guard! If you have something valuable or close to your heart that you don't want anyone to go near, just turn on this toy and tell him exactly what to guard. This toy will protect your possessions with his life. He won't let anyone come near what he is guarding, not even you. Don't think to wait until he falls asleep to take your things back, either. This toy comes with built in shields and detectors to make sure no one will ever get near the toy. This toy also comes with Shovel Claw so that he will be able to put the valuables in a place of his own choosing, so that he may guard in a comfortable place. Don't worry though, he will not leave your property most of the time.

"Of course, you could try to get your things back from this toy, but this toy will not be scared to fight you off. Getting near this toy after you have given him an assignment is at your own risk. You are risking very serious injury as you try to get your things back, and because of this, we warn you not to assign him to guard anything you may need on a daily basis." Cream flashed a huge smile at the camera. "But don't let any of that stop you from getting your very own Knuckles: The Guard. This guard can protect your family's fortune, maybe a last will and testament. And this toy is only responsible for it's buyer, so as soon as it has verified proof of death of it's owner, then it will release whatever it's guarding to the person that inherited it and then return to Kaoru's Toyland to be fixed up. He will then choose whether he wants to go back to guard for the family or be bought for a new family to take care of."

Cream looked around confused, "Why would a toy need that kind of choice? Kaoru should be here so she could explain everything. None of this is making sense to me...Oh my, there is no reason to be up this early. I don't know what's left of the show. I don't think we've done the videos yet. So yes. Videos of happy customers. Go. Now. Please."

* * *

A guy in a "Rebel Islands Are Awesome" t-shirt appeared on the screen. "I bought this toy, and I tried to touch my stuff and this oversized Knuckles punk broke my arm. THAT'S SO AWESOME!"

A young girl soon replaced awesome guy. "I bought this toy and got it to guard my jewelry box, but then he wouldn't let me get into it. So then I got my Rouge toy to break past him to get it, and she got past him, but then she sold it on E-Bay! I WANT MY JEWELRY BOX BACK!"

A creepy looking stalker guy replaced the young girl. "I got my Knuckles toy to guard my Rouge toy. She's annoying him quite a lot. I'm going to plan their wedding and make them get married!" The creepy guy let out a high, fan girl squeal. "THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!"

* * *

"As you can see, people are loving this toy, so come on down to Kaoru's Toyland today to get your very own for only 4 cents. Warning: Oh no...We have no warning written down...Oh~ Kaoru is not going to like this. Without a warning there is going to be a lot of lawsuits. Oh no no no. I can't believe I forgot to write a warning. The show's over. Cut the camera...Kaoru is going to be SO upset. Cut the camera...CUT THE CAMERA!" Cream was seen crying and running off the stage before the camera faded out.

* * *

**Author's note**

**Cream has broke. And she is highlly upset because she thinks she ran the show into the ground. Well...let's hope she hasn't done that. This chapter is shorter than most because of the fact that only one person spoke through out the whole thing, so yay for that. Kaoru will be back next chapter, and we'll see how she reacts to this one. Her bubbly personality may be able to help the show.**

**I would like to thank Twizzle-fizz for coming up with this Knuckles idea. And I would also like to thank dyslexic-Carmie for lettting me steal her 'rebel islands are awesome' t-shirt guy, though she doesn't know it yet. **

**For those of you keeping count. This is the fourth update within twenty-four hours. Time to break until later. **

**I hoped you liked the chapter and I hope you have a good day. **

**Please review. **


	12. Eggman: I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up!

"I think things are going to go loads better since we stopped being just a commercial and actually recieved our own time slot. Sales have gone up, even despite Cream's accident last week, and the lawsuits weren't that bad. I've warned people before. Our lawyers are better."

A familiar voice came over the director's speakers, "Kaoru, you're on the air."

"OH! Sorry Mr. Director. Hello everybody, it's that time of the week again and before we get started I'd like everyone to notice our cast change. I am back as host as you can see and Mr. Disembodied Voice has called after last week's episode and agreed to come back on one condition: I never leave anybody else to host the show alone ever again. Which I agree is fair, don't you?" Kaoru laughed loudly. "Also, as you can see, Cream is not on stage with me, but she is now in the director's booth in training to be the director's assistant. She will be in place downstairs starting next week, watching things from down here while Mr. Director watches things from the Director's booth upstairs."

"I think this announcing everything that goes on at the studio is going to have to stop. The viewer's don't care about this, do they?" The director stated.

"Even if they don't, announcing what happens at the studio gives them a homey feel. Helps them know that we think they matter and that we think they deserve to know what's going on around here. It helps boost sales."

"Does boosting sales really matter? You get tons of sales every day."

"Yes, well, Cream announced that the toy last week only cost four cents when it really cost four cien pesetas. Which is cien means one hundred, and Cream advertised that it cost a lot less than it really did. She was mistaken in her nervousness and her drowsiness. So we have a lot of money to make up for. I'm not angry, we just need to make up a little money. Our profits are down and we have a lot to do, starting with presenting this new toy."

"On with it then."

Kaoru nodded and her tail twitched. "This week at Kaoru's Toyland, we introduced a brand new toy called EGGMAN: I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP! This toy is one of those toys we made purely for your and your children's entertainment and enjoyment. This toy is half the height of Eggman and twice as round. I believe that this toy is so good that it deserves a demonstration." Kaoru turned around and walked to an Eggman toy that had already been set up on the stage behind her. "To turn on this Eggman, all you do is poke him in his big fat belly." Kaoru did so and the Eggman toy began to giggle like a young school girl, which sent Kaoru into a fit of laughter. "And then you give him one of the orders from the list that comes with him. Eggman, jog." Eggman pulled a towel out of his pocket and threw it over his shoulders, and then he began to jog in circles around Kaoru. After only a few seconds of this, Eggman fell over onto his back. Then, he began flailing his limbs everywhere and started to look like a bug the landed on its back and was trying desperately to right it self. Kaoru giggled, "Eggman, stand up." Eggman began trying even harder to stand up but only succeeded in in turning himself over. He began rocking back and forth on his large stomach and moved his arms that made him look as if he was swimming. "Eggman, I said stand up." The toy started to kick wildly and his face started to turn red with the effort. Kaoru fell over laughing, grabbing a stitch at her side. "Show the video of the customers!" She shrieked through her laughter. "Hurry!"

"I'm on it Kaoru. Try and pull yourself together!"

* * *

The video had to slip through twenty clips of people falling over laughing before it found someone who could talk through their laughter.

"I absolutely LOVE this toy! It's hilarious! Just look at him twitch!" The random customer laughed. "Earlier, I got him to try and fit into a dog house! He got stuck half in and half out! I love this!

The video slipped through ten more clips of people laughing before giving up and just switching off. The screen was black for five seconds before Kaoru appeared back on the screen with a more sober look on her face but her eyes still fill of laughter.

* * *

"Looks like Kaoru isn't the only person with a laughing problem," the director said.

"Oh hush. As you can so plainly see, people are absolutely in love with this toy." From behind her, Eggman grunted with the struggle to stand back up and the sides of Kaoru's mouth twitched a bit. "Come on down to Kaoru's Toyland today to get your own Eggman: I've Fallen and I can't get up! It's only 609 iternots and will be hours of fun and laughter for the whole entire family. Warning: Do not stand too close to Eggman after he is turned on, we do not want anyone to be crushed under the weight of his fall and we especially don't want anyone to accidently catch the fatso. Remember Kids, let your parents handle the toy and only touch Eggman with a ten foot pole. Tune in next week to find out about our next toy, goodnight everybody."

Kaoru turned away from the camera and walked back over to the toy and tried to help it up. Eggman scrambled to pull himself up and got halfway there before he slipped and fell over again, screaming. Kaoru fell over again into a fit of giggles as the camera faded out.

* * *

**A/N**

**Thanks dyslexic-Carmie for basically forcing me to write this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Mr. Director is back and now I'm just pulling different types of currency out of my head. **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I have the perfect toy for the next chapter but it most likely won't be up today. **

**Five Chapters in under twentyfour hours, yes, I have no life. **

**Have a good day**

**Please review. **


	13. The Chaos Emeralds: Rock Candy

"So yeah, I figured that Kaoru is the best thing for this show and came back. After the disaster of the 'guest stars' I realized that Kaoru is really the best thing for this show, and she's not _that_ bad."

Kaoru giggled, "Are you on the telephone Mr. Director?"

"What? Oh, yeah. What do you need?"

"Well, the show has started, and you have the stage speakers on while your talking on the phone to the whole planet. I knew you loved me." Kaoru giggled again as the speakers of the studio made a clicking noise as they were turned off. Kaoru cleared her throat and the camera zoomed out to show her whole frame. She was wearing a suit and her hair was brushed out of her face. Her hands were clasped behind her back as she cleared her throat again. "Hello everybody, and welcome to another one of our toy introductions. This week, we at Kaoru's Toyland are introducing something completely new: Rock candy.

"Now, I know what you are thinking my dear ones. Rock candy is nothing special. Why should this rock candy be any different? Well, this isn't just any ordinary rock candy, and quite frankly, I'm insulted that you would think so. Don't you know me at all? Any who, as I was saying, there is something very, very special about this particular kind of rock candy. This rock candy is actually shaped like rocks. No, no, no not like the rocks you find on the ground. This rock candy looks like emeralds, and not just any emeralds, the Chaos Emeralds. And this, my friends, is why our new candy is called: The Chaos Emeralds: Rock Candy!, because we don't need a special name to sell our candy."

Another clicking sound came over the speakers as they turned on and Kaoru paused to listen. "Hey Kaoru, what time does this candy go on sale? We are getting calls about this. Apparently people have quite the sweet teeth."

Kaoru laughed, "Nice to see that you traded in your personal call for business ones. Which is interesting, because I didn't know we gave out a business number, but to answer your question, our new The Chaos Emeralds: Rock Candy! is already on sale at Kaoru's Toyland, but I beg you don't leave your homes just yet to go get some. I ask this for two reasons. The first reasons is that I would like our ratings to stay up, and the second reason is that you haven't even heard the best part yet."

Kaoru made a small, almost unnoticeable gesture with her hand and a curtain that had been closed behind her opened, revealing a table full of Chaos Emeralds. She turned and slowly walked toward the table. "This Rock Candy comes in various colors and flavors, just like the real Chaos Emeralds." She picked up one of the candies and licked it tentatively. "Yum, cherry." She set the candy down. "Now, I know that all of this sounds great by itself, but there is one more thing that I would like to tell you about." She made a small gesture with her hand again, and yet another curtain behind her started to slowly open. She walked backwards slowly as she spoke, "Coming up with The Chaos Emeralds: Rock Candy was probably the best thing I could've did, but when I was done making them, I thought. Why don't I go bigger? And that, my friends, is what led me to this."

She turned slowly holding out her hand toward the curtain which now started to open faster. When the curtains opened to reveal what was behind Kaoru looked at the cameras which zoomed in on the product behind her. The Master Emerald. "That's right," she said as the camera zoomed out to put her in shot. "This, my friends, will introduce a whole new era in the Rock Candy world. This, my friends, is Rock Candy as the Master Emerald. We have sold about five of these before the show started and trust me, it's delicious." Kaoru flicked out her tongue and tasted the Master Emerald. "MMM, delicious.

"Now, I know what your thinking. How much could something like this possibly cost? Well, my friends, this product is very cheap. These candies, The Chaos Emeralds, are only 6758433 Megamans for a pack of seven. The Master Emerald: Rock Candy! is worth four packs of seven, please do the math yourself. Now, I think it's about time for our videos:

* * *

Rouge was walking through Kaoru's toyland when she came upon the candy. "THE CHAOS EMERALDS!" She yelled as she flew off with a pack.

A random mom was yelling at her son at the dinner table. "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SPOIL YOUR DINNER BY LICKING THAT EMEREALD!"

A random guy was standing on Angel Island and chuckling to himself. "Watch this," He ran up to the real Master Emerald and replaced it with a candy one. "HEY KNUCKLES!

Knuckles turned around as the guy took a large bite out of the candy emerald. "WHAT!" He chased after the random guy as the guy picked up the candy emerald and ran off with it, laughing. He stopped after he noticed the real emerald hidden among the trees. "This seems like something that stupid hare would try and pull," he muttered to himself. Knuckles then ran off the camera.

* * *

Kaoru was speechless for a moment before she said, "I really need to start watching these before the show starts. Can we get security bumped back up, please? Knuckles didn't seem very happy. And if Knuckles tell Rouge and she finds out...Yes, bumping up security sounds good. Anyway, as you can see, these candies are highly coveted and are definitely worth their price. I only have one warning for you today, well, more like a request: Please, please, please, no one play jokes on Knuckles with these candies. I cannot guarantee your health if you do that."

"Kaoru, we have a breach in security," the director called over the speakers.

Kaoru sighed loudly, "Here we go again, how many?"

"Two Kaoru, it's both of them. I know you're a pacifist and all, but I really think it's time these two found out about you."

Kaoru nodded and ran behind another curtain. She returned wearing a Karate Gi, a black belt tied around her waist. She winked at the camera, "I'm a black belt in five different types of Martial Arts. Only a fair few know, but these two are always on my case and they need to find out. I hate fighting, but I can't afford another broken arm, well, I can afford it, but I have work to do." The door to the studio was thrown open. "We're out of time. Thanks for watching the show today." The camera abruptly went black as Kaoru jumped on top of it.

* * *

**A/N**

**I absolutely loved this idea as soon as I heard it, so I would like to thank VioletTheChao for suggesting it as a toy.**

**Also, I'd like to ask that everyone comment on how they liked the 'businesswoman' Kaoru. Should she stay business like in her show? Or her usual fun-loving, care-free self? And, also, The fact that Kaoru is a black belt in five types of Martial Arts has not yet been mentioned in New Girl In Town, but there has been some hints. So don't expect to find awesome fight scenes in that story. **

**We at Kaoru's Toyland do not condone violence. We do, however, find it hilarious. **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Have a nice day**

**Please review. **


	14. Eggman Unapproved: Earmuffs!

Kaoru was sleeping in a chair with her feet up on the table when the camera came lit up the scene. A clicking noise was heard through out the studio. "You know, we really need a better signal about when the show starts. At least one person is always unaware when it does. Kaoru...Kaoru! Wake up!"

"Mr. Director?," Cream said from off camera. "I think she may be wearing the product."

"Well can you wake her up, please? We really do need to get started."

Cream ran across the stage and tapped Kaoru on the shoulder. When Kaoru didn't move, Cream removed something covering Kaoru's ears and pulled it down around her neck. She yelled, "Wake up!"

Kaoru jumped to her feet so quickly that no one had time to register what they were seeing. Kaoru blinked absently and noticed Cream was struggling against Kaoru's grip on her arm. "Sorry," Kaoru muttered, dropping her arm. "Show about to start?"

Cream rubbed her arm and shook her head, "Already started, Boss."

Kaoru cursed under her breath and nodded. Cream ran off stage as Kaoru smiled at the camera. "Hello everybody and thanks for joining us for another one of our wonderful shows. Today's product is something useful to all ages no matter what time it is or where you are." Kaoru pulled what was around her neck off and held it above her head for the camera to zoom in on. The item appeared to be earmuffs. The earmuffs had a crossed out Eggman insignia on the sides. "This, dear watchers, is something I like to call Eggman Unapproved: Earmuffs! As I am sure everyone here is aware of, Eggman has an awfully annoying laugh. In fact, his laugh is so annoying most of us can barely stand to hear it at all. Which is why I came up with these earmuffs."

She put the earmuffs back around her neck as the camera zoomed out. "Now, I'm sure some of you are wondering why they are called "Eggman _Un_approved," well, I actually have video footage on this exact reason. Mr. Director, cue the tape."

* * *

Kaoru was seen on camera walking up to Eggman's base and knocked on the front door. A confused looking Decoe answered the door and blinked at her and the camera crew, "You...knocked?"

Kaoru nodded, "Remember a few weeks ago when I stopped by? I need to ask something similar."

Decoe nodded enthusiastically and stepped aside for her. The last time she had been there, she had given him a free Eggman Approved: Personal Robot Builder Kit for him to have just because he had asked.

"How do you like the toy I gave you?" She asked.

Decoe's face became one of pure joy, "Watch this." Decoe snapped his fingers and a long line of robots appeared in front of him. He clapped his hands once and one of the robots pulled out speakers. Decoe thought for a second and said, "Song P-G-2-N," suddenly the song "It's Raining Men" was heard over the speakers and the robots started a perfectly choreographed dance.

Kaoru laughed, "Wow, dancing robots sure are popular."

Decoe nodded again, "And that's not all they do. I've taught them to cook and clean and my personal favorite-" Decoe made a low clicking noise and the robots started to change shape and pile on top of each other. When they had become still, Kaoru's eyes widened. The little toy robots had assembled themselves to look EXACTLY like Decoe. "I can make them look like both me and Bocoe, too," he said as if he were a proud parent. We use them whenever we don't want to be around Eggman. They take our places."

"Well," Kaoru said, smiling, "That's new."

"Yes, Decoe," came a voice behind them, "I'll keep that in mind."

Both Decoe and Kaoru turned around and looked up at Dr. Eggman. Decoe tapped his toe on the floor and all of the robots jumped into his arms. He ran away, leaving Kaoru with Dr. Eggman.

"Hello, Dr." Kaoru said, "I have another toy you may be interested in having your name attached to."

"Oh?" Eggman laughed, and Kaoru winced noticeable. " on up." Kaoru followed Eggman upstairs and sat down with him at a table. "Tell me about this toy idea."

Kaoru tapped earmuffs that hung around her neck, "Here's a prototype." She pulled the earmuffs over her ears, "Do me a favor and laugh please." Eggman laughed nervously and Kaoru smiled. "Perfect," she said as she pulled the earmuffs back off.

"But those are just earmuffs," Eggman said with a confused look on his face.

"Au contraire, my dear Doctor. These are very, very special earmuffs. Normal earmuffs are only there to warm ears. These earmuffs are specifically designed to block out every single sound. Not even an atomic explosion could penetrate these things. Plus they keep your ears warm. _Plus_ they can play soothing sounds, like the ocean or bacon sizzling in a pan."

"What does that have to do with me?" Eggman asked, his eyes narrowing. "Because I always build robots that make noise?"

"Oh no, no, no. I built these with you in mind, Dr. Eggman. You know how your laugh is annoying? I specifically built these to block out your laugh, the other features just came along the way."

Eggman's face filled with anger, "WHAT? NO! I WILL NOT APPROVE OF THIS! IN FACT, I UNAPPROVE IT! GET OUT OF HERE!"

Kaoru ran out of the room, laughing to herself. "Unapproved it is." Downstairs, Kaoru ran into Decoe, Bocoe, and Bokkun. They all looked at her expectantly. "Hello boys. What can I do for you?"

Decoe looked at her intently, "Well, we heard what you were saying about the earmuffs...and well...Do you happen to have three extra pairs on you?"

Kaoru laughed loudly and pulled three earmuffs out of the pockets of her hoodie. "Here, take them. I'll send a camera here in a couple of days for a happy customers video. I hope you three decide to be in it." They nodded gratefully as she handed the earmuffs to them. "Goodbye boys. Enjoy those. If you lose them you have to pay 79432749 Halos just like everyone else." Kaoru walked out the door of the base and turned to face the camera. "I think I have all the information I need on this video. So when we play this and cut straight from here to the happy customers video."

* * *

Sonic appeared on camera. His eyes were closed and a content smile was on his face. Next to him, Amy was yelling at him loudly. He turned his head and opened his eyes, looking startled when he saw the camera. He smiled broadly and made an "okay" sign with his fingers.

Decoe, Bocoe, and Bokkun were staring out of a window in a daze. Eggman was laughing wildly in the background. Decoe moved the earmuff off of one ear, winced at Eggman's laughter and looked into the camera. "Tell Kaoru we love these! We've been daydreaming since we got them. It's amazing." He sighed, replaced the earmuff, and stared out the window again.

* * *

The camera cut back to Kaoru in the studio. "Yes, yes, yes. I do think that this is a wonderful product indeed. Warning: Eggman may become extremely angry if he sees you wearing these. Please use with caution. Well everyone, it looks like we are running over on time, so I'm going to say goodbye for now. See you next week." Kaoru waved and smile broadly as the camera faded out.

* * *

**A/N**

**I love this product. ****Just to prove that Eggman has and annoying laugh: youtube dot com /watch?v=KKetET3rnDw. His laugh is at the 8 minute mark. And for those of you wondering. This is the Japanese version of the laugh not the "santa claus" like laugh of the english version. **

**I dedicate this chapter to myself. **

**Have a good night. **

**Please review. **


	15. Espio: I Spy!

Kaoru was running around the stage, laughing at what seemed like nothing in particular. She was carrying a bucket of bright blue paint and tossing it all over the studio, which was covered in white paper. Nothing was left uncovered. "Kaoru, I know I'm going to regret asking you this, but what are you doing?" the director asked over the speakers.

"Playing with my toy, Mr. Director. Don't you know what it is?"

"I'm afraid I didn't get that memo this week, Kaoru."

"Oh, I'm loads full of sorry, Mr. Director. Well it's."

"No, the show has started. I'll just find out with the rest of the world."

"Oh," Kaoru stopped running around the studio and set down the bucket of paint. "Um, hello everyone." Kaoru was breathing hard, trying to catch her breath properly. "And um, can I get some water, Cream?"

Cream ran onstage and handed Kaoru a glass full of water. She took a sip and sat down in a chair at the covered table.

"OW!" Came a noise from the chair. Kaoru jumped up quickly and gestured for Cream to bring her the bucket of paint. When she did, Kaoru tilted the paint over the chair and instead of falling straight to the floor, the paint caught on to something and seemed to hover in mid-air.

"I spy you, Espio," Kaoru laughed. The chameleon appeared and Kaoru picked up a towel to wipe off her hands. She looked down at herself and shook her head. "Can't stay on TV looking like this. You take over Cream, I'll be back." Kaoru walked out of the room.

"KAORU! YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS! Ah...Cream, please continue, I have to go get Kaoru."

Cream's eyes widened as she heard the speakers click off and she looked at the camera. "Um...I don't know what we're supposed to be selling."

A stage hand ran onto the stage and handed Cream a bunch of papers. "It should all be in there," he mumbled and ran off the stage.

Cream looked down at the rumpled papers in her hands. "Of course it is..." She shuffled through the unorganized papers and pulled a page to the front. "Hello everyone," she said as she smiled to the camera. "This week we have stocked a new toy on the shelves of Kaoru's Toyland called," she glanced down at the paper, "Espio: I Spy!"

She shuffled through the papers nervously again. "All you have to do to play with this toy is...spy Espio?" Cream turned her head and saw the paint covered Espio walking around the stage flashing invisible every couple of seconds. "Um..." she finally found the paper she was looking for and pulled it to the front of the pile. Relief filled her eyes and she pressed a button that activated the headset she had on. "Can someone take this toy off the stage and bring on a new one?" She mumbled into the microphone by her mouth.

Almost immediately, two stage hands came on-stage. One caught the paint-covered toy by its arms and pulled it off-stage, and the other carried a box over to Cream. "Thank-you," she nodded politely. The stage hand mumbled a 'you're welcome' as he pulled the new toy out of the box. He set the toy Espio, which was in meditating position, on the floor in front of Cream and ran off stage.

Cream glanced at the paper in her hand and looked into the camera to continue speaking, "Well, to turn this toy on, you press its thumbs." Cream stepped in front of the toy and turned it on. The toy quickly stood up, did a back flip, and then bowed to Cream. It opened its eyes and stared at her. Cream looked back down at the papers in her hands. "When you start to play, the toy will become invisible and you will have to find it. The easiest way to do so is by making the toy speak or running into it. Since running into the toy is nearly impossible, I suggest you make it speak. The only thing the toy can say is 'ow.' I find the easiest way to find it is by tossing paint everywhere and hoping it hits the toy, or throwing rocks until you hear the toy say 'ow.' Um...this says Kaoru wanted to have a bucket of rocks handy so she can demonstrate?"

Kaoru ran through the door, fully cleaned, and ran on-stage. "Hello Cream, thank-you for filling in. You can go now, and take the papers with you. I don't need them." She pushed Cream off-screen and then said, "Where were you?"

"About to demonstrate with the rocks..."

"Excellent! ROCKS PLEASE!" Two buckets full of rocks dropped from the ceiling and landed at Kaoru's sides. "To start playing you have to say an activation sentence." Kaoru winked at the Camera and turned to face the toy which was still staring at the spot Cream had been standing in. "Oh Espio!" she yelled in a high, fangirl-like voice, "I want to spy you~" Kaoru winked at the camera as the toy Espio's face filled with fear and he immediately went invisible. "That's not the only way to start the game. You can just yell 'start game,' but it's so much more fun to act like a fangirl and terrify him," she laughed loudly. "Now, that the game has started you will hurl rocks all around the room until you hear him talk."

A clicking noise came over the speakers and Mr. Director breathlessly spoke, "We...don't...have time...for that. Just...finish the show."

"Party pooper," Kaoru mumbled before she smiled widely and began to sing. "EVERY PARTY NEEDS A POOPER AND THAT'S WHY WE INVITED YOU! PARTY POOPER! PARTY POOPER!" She stopped singing and picked up a rock. "Luckily, I'm an expert at this game." Kaoru tossed a rock over her shoulder and immediately an 'OW!' was heard. Kaoru laughed loudly, picked up a bunch of rocks, and turned around. "The only way to end the game and to make him turn visible again is to say..." she started throwing rocks that seemed to bounce backwards off of nothing. "...I spy you, Espio!" she giggled.

"Unfortunately, this toy was only completed yesterday and put on shelves today, so we have no videos of happy customers. I hope that you see how much fun this toy can be and will buy my product without the videos." The now fully visible toy Espio walked to where Kaoru stood and stopped nervously. It was covered in many scraps and bruises. Kaoru pulled out some bandages and began to tend to the toy. "This toy is damaged easily but will make a full recovery anytime. Warning: We are not responsible for paint-damage houses. Also, using paint to find this toy may cause it to blink in and out of visibility for a few weeks."

She finished wrapping up the toy Espio and patted its back. "Good game," she said to it. The toy Espio sat down, closed its eyes, and went back into meditating position. "And _that_ is how you turn it back off. Leave it off for two days so it can recover. Well, I guess that's all we have time for today. OH! WAIT! I almost forgot, this toy does have one tiny problem, if you take longer than 5 hours to find it, it will either retaliate or disappear forever, so don't fall asleep or anything. A price has not been set yet, so come on down to Kaoru's Toyland today and see if you can bully our cashiers into selling you this toy for pratically nothing! Good-bye everybody."

* * *

**a/n**

**I'd like to thank AWriterThatCan'tSpell and Dyslexic-Carmie for this idea. Mostly because, I don't remember which one gave it to me. But there you go. It doesn't matter. We were all in the same room. **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **

**Please review. **


	16. Episode: Pulled Off The Air!

The screen faded in to an empty stage and the director was yelling over the speakers. "Where is that girl? Can't she take this seriously for once? The show is about to...the show HAS started and she is not on stage! She is the OWNER of this entire station! How is it possible that she isn't here on time?"

During the director's tirade, a yellow ferret ran onto stage and started shaking her head. She placed one hand on her hip and one in the air and yelled, "THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR! I HAVE ARRIVED!"

The set was completely quiet for a few seconds while she posed until the director said, "_Unfortunately_, you are not who we are looking for. Who are you?"

She came out of the pose and began speaking into the ceiling. "_Au contraire,_ Mr. Hothead, I believe I am _exactly_ who you are looking for. I am Ash the ferret and I am the answer to your prayers."

"...Who are you?"

Ash shrugged, "A friend of Kaoru's. I'm here to host the show."

The director gave a dry laugh. "I don't think so. Go get Kaoru and tell her to stop messing around. She needs to come here and do the show."

"I can't do that~" Ash sang as she began to rock on her feet.

"And why, may I ask, not?"

"Because," she began as she took a deep breath and stared intently into the ceiling, "I was left specific instructions to host the show and _not_ come looking for Kaoru and if I _don't_ host the show and/or _do_ come looking for her she will blurt out to the entire world me secret crus...uh...Nothing, and I, for one, will take her seriously and do exactly as she said because when she gets angry she glares at me and growls all scary-like and quite frankly...she frightens me." Ash exhaled and looked up at the ceiling hopefully.

"Right. So tell me, why is Kaoru not on set?"

"Actually, she's not in the studio at all. She's not even in town." Ash smiled.

"WHAT? WHERE IS SHE?" The director was starting to sound desperate.

"There was an emergency at the loony bin in the next town that Kaoru had to take care of, she left a few days ago. You see, three years ago a friend of ours started to..."

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE LEFT A FEW DAYS AGO? WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL US? WE COULD'VE CANCELED THE SHOW!"

"Oh, that's easy. She wanted to show to go on. She said you guys had a deal that she wasn't supposed to let anyone else host the show and that I was to dress up as her and...Oh...I knew I forgot to do something. Anyway, it doesn't matter, before she left she told me exactly what to say and do.

"Well ferret, here's the deal." The director sighed loudly, "We've taken about half of the show time fighting about all of this, so you are going to have to go on and do the show quickly. I'm going find some aspirin." Three clicks were heard over the speakers as he left.

"YES!" Ash jumped and cheered with her hands over her head, "VICTORY IS MINE! BOW TO MY ULTIMATE AWESOMENESS! But do that later...as of now, I have a show to host. Let's skip the introductions and get right on with it, shall we?" Ash ran off the stage and returned almost instantly with a box. "This," she patted the top of the box, "is the new toy. And you," she pointed into the camera, "are the people who buy the new toys. And that's that! Bye everyone!"

"WAIT!" A frantic Cream rushed onto the stage, "Ms. Ash, don't you think that you should explain to everyone what the toy is?"

"CREAM! It's been a long time! And why should I? I think that whether this show goes on or not people will _still_ line up at the door of Kaoru's Toyland and buy whatever toys they can get their hands on." Ash looked at her watch. "Besides, the show is almost over anyway. So who cares? I am throwing out the plan Kaoru gave me to follow and do my own thing. Observe." Ash clapped her hands and a large group of Eggman Approved Robots marched onto the stage. I am going to show everyone what I taught my robots to do."

"But Ms. Ash...the toy..."

"No need to fear young rabbit. I have everything under control. YO! ROBOTS! SINGLE FILE!" The robots began to scatter everywhere. They were running into each other and falling onto the ground.

Cream's face broke out into a light sweat as she watched. "Wha?"

"Oh yes," Ash laughed loudly and maniacally, "I taught my robots to do the _opposite_ of what I say. Genius, no?"

"No," said a voice from the back of the set. "In fact, I don't think it's genius at all."

"I know that voice anywhere! Shadow, I see you still hover around Kaoru..."

"WHAT? I DO NOT HOVER AROUND THAT IDIOTIC HARE!" Shadow screamed as he stepped next to Ash.

"Oh? Then why are you here?" Ash smiled smugly and waited semi-patiently for an answer. Shadow only mumbled something incoherent and stalked out the door. "They're in love~" Ash sang loudly. "Anyway! Robots! Oli Oli Oxen Free!" The robots pulled easels out of their chest and sat down at chairs. "That's right everybody! My robots know how to draw and paint and OH THE ARTISTIC ABILITY!" Ash started laughing again. "You there! Robot number Dee Oh Gee, do job1243! NOW!" The robot ran towards Ash and pulled a triple decker turkey, cheese, lettuce, tomato, bacon, bologna, ham, banana, pickle sandwich out of his chest. "DELICIOUS!" Ash yelled as she jumped onto a chair. Simultaneously the robots all stood up, picked up their easels, jumped onto chairs, and started waving their pictures into their air. All of the pictures showed Eggman in a different pose. Ash looked at them and her eyes widened. "PUT THOSE DOWN!" The robots laughed and started waving them more. "GIVE THOSE TO ME!" The robots started playing monkey in the middle, tossing the pictures over Ash's head. "AH! Stupid not listening robots! DON'T PUT DOWN THE PICTURES!" The robots dropped the pictures onto the floor and Ash sighed and then laughed, "They're _Eggman_ approved robots, what do you expect?" She rubbed the back of her head nervously. "Good. Now. Dance number 98723897!" The robots lined up and they all began dancing to I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt as the abruptly went blank.

An official sounding voice came over the blackness. "Due to 'technical difficulties' this episode was yanked off the air and thrown into a flaming dumpster. Miraculously, when Kaoru came back, she found this episode completely in tact and watched it herself. Ash is still in the hospital recovering. Please keep her in your thoughts.

Kaoru is also in the hospital for a mysterious accident that occurred not long after Ash was admitted. Please keep _her_ in your thoughts. Please stay tuned for the episode that was filmed almost immediately after this episode to see the new toy of the week."


	17. Silver: Pick Me Up!

The official sounding voice continued, "Due to unknown circumstances, Kaoru's Toyland had to air two episodes in two days instead of its normal 'One Show A Week Rule.' This is the second episode that aired on the second day. Kaoru was still out of town during this taping and had not heard about the disaster episode the day before, because she is currently in the hospital, she has yet to see this episode. Please keep her in your thoughts as she makes a full recovery. Please note that the Chaotix team is currently investigating the mysterious accident that Kaoru was in and that these two episodes were aired to see if anyone may see a clue as to what happened. Please contact the proper authorities right away if you see any clues. Thank you and please enjoy the show.

"HELLO EVERYBODY!" Ash yelled as she appeared on the screen. She was wearing a black hoody and had fake rabbit ears sticking up from her head. "Kaoru here and I'm going to tell you what you can buy this week! All Thanks to Mr. Hot-Head Director who was able to get us a second spot this week."

"Not that it was hard. I mean, the creator of the show owns the...wait, Mr. Hot-head?"

"Exactly! So, let's start the show!" Ash runs to the center of the stage and gets down on her knees and puts her hands in the air. "INTRODUCING-SING-SING-SING," Ash started, creating her own echo, "OUR NEW TOY-OY-OY-OY! SILVER-VER-VER: PICK-ME-UP-UP-UP-UP!" When Ash finished saying this, she floated into the air and began rolling through the air, laughing uncontrollably.

"Um...Miss Ash, do we have time for this?" Cream asked quietly as stepped onto the stage. "MR. SHADOW! GET AWAY FROM THERE!" Cream ran to the back of the set where Shadow could be seen climbing the back wall. "Get down!" Shadow glared down at her and continued climbing.

"Not to fear, Cream! I got it!" Ash laid down on her belly in mid-air with her hands in front of her and screamed, "SILVER! Bring me to Shadow!" The camera cuts to split screen, one screen showed Ash flying towards Shadow's direction and the other is on the floor of the stage where an exact replica of Silver the Hedgehog followed slowly behind Ash.

When Ash reached Shadow she pushed him off the wall and yelled, "SILVER! CATCH HIM!" Shadow stopped falling in mid-air and began to float in place.

When he tried to move, his body locked together and a scowl formed on his face. "Put. Me. Down," he growled through his teeth.

"No can do! This Silver is mine and only does what I say." She looked into the camera, "These Silvers are very loyal and will only respond to their owners. What are you doing here, Shadow?" She asked when she looked back at Shadow. "I thought you left here yesterday."

"THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, FERRET!"

"Ah, ah...Temper, temper..." Ash wagged her finger at Shadow, "We wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you. Silver! Show Shadow what happens to bad people!" The toy Silver made Shadow fly into the wall. Shadow hit the floor and fell unconscious, then floated limply into the air. Ash sighed, "I didn't want you to kill him. Bring me over there..." Ash floated slowly to where Shadow was hovering. She laid her head on his chest and then smiled brightly, "GREAT NEWS EVERYBODY! HE'S ALIVE! Silver! You know what to do!" Silver nodded and Ash began doing back flips through the air. "THIS IS AWESOME!"

The door to the stage flew open and a figure stepped through the door way, "HARE! I'd like a word with you!"

Ash twirled around to face the figure just as Cream yelled, "EGGMAN!"

"Uh, Silver, put me down." Ash said nervously, but the toy only made her fly higher. "Silver, put me down," but higher and higher she went.

"Mr. Eggman, you can't come in right now. We're filming..." Cream started fussing.

"Where's that hare? I have a bone to pick with her!" Eggman stepped onto the stage and started looking around. "If you're filming she should be here. Where is she?"

"Well, actually Mr. Eggman, Ms. Kaoru isn't..."

"It's Dr. and...AHA! There she is!" The camera stopped its split-screen and cut to Eggman on the stage. He was looking up at the ceiling. The screen cut to the ground camera so everyone could see what Eggman was looking at. All everyone could see was a shadow with long ears and hoody that was just barely visible. The shadow was flailing around, and seemed to be arguing desperately with a now floating Silver toy. "You! Kaoru! I need to talk to you about these!" Eggman pulled out four sets of earmuffs with crossed out Eggman insignias on the sides. "I told you I didn't approve of these! Why are they being sold? And more importantly, why do my robots have them?" Eggman was yelling at the barely-visibly Ash.

"Mr. Dr. Eggman..." Cream was begging from his side. The camera activated split-screen again so that both Ash and Cream could be seen. "That isn't Kaoru, that's..."

"NO!" Ash yelled from above. "Of course I'm Kaoru! Silver! Put me down!" The Silver refused to listen and sent her even higher.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" Eggman bellowed from the floor. "You!" Eggman yelled at Cream, who flinched noticeably, "Where is she going?"

"Well, I haven't yet had a chance to tell Ah...Kaoru that the Silver doesn't put anyone down." Cream looked at the camera next to her and jumped. "And...um...the toy cost 1,000,000 rings, and you have to find your own way down. And um, while I deal with him, we are going to cut to our happy customer videos, right...right Mr. Director? Um. Now, Mr. Dr. Eggman, why do you have four of those? I though Kaoru only handed out three at your base..."

"Well," Eggman started as he glanced down at her, "I actually have four..."

* * *

A poor little kid was hanging to a tree and desperately crying out, "Please! Please! Put me down! I don't want to be up here anymore. I don't want this anymore! I don't! I'm sorry! I'll do anything you want! Anything! Just…PLEASE GET ME DOWN! MOMMY!"

Next, the McDonald's guy who seems to buy every single one of the Kaoru's Toyland's toy appeared on camera. He was doing cartwheels in the air, "WEEE! I LOVE THIS! I'M GOING TO LIVE FLOATING UP HERE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!"

Lastly, a guy who was pulled away from a tour was standing in front of the camera, "IS THIS WHY ANGEL ISLAND FLOATS? THAT'S SO AWESOME!"

* * *

Ash appeared on the ceiling camera and Cream could be seen arguing loudly with Eggman below her. "Umm. I'm back on? Um, Okay everybody. Two things. Please come by Kaoru's Toyland to pick up one of these fabulous toys today! And, no one tell Eggman that I was here .I'm suppose to be not here. Not that Eggman knows who I am or anything. Oh, and...CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO GET DOWN! SILVER! PLEASE!" Ash began to whine loudly, and the screen switched back to the floor camera.

"Dr. Eggman can you come back in about a week to talk to Kaoru?" Cream begged.

From behind them, Shadow began to rouse and could be heard mumbling to himself, "Doesn't anyone care that I'm just floating here?"

"AH! Mr. Shadow! Please hang on! Dr. Eggman, you have to come back next week. Kaoru is very busy..."

"BUSY! HA! All she's doing is dangling from that camera over there!" Eggman laughed loudly.

"WHAT!" Cream whirled around and looked up. Ash was dangling from the camera, screaming hoarsely.

Just then, the stage door burst open again and Sonic ran in. "Yo."

"Mr. Sonic! Can you..." Cream pointed upwards and Sonic turned around to look.

"Alright!" He ran and jumped into the air, caught Ash, and set her on the ground. She quickly hid herself behind Sonic and cowered.

"Thank you!" Cream said and she turned back to Eggman with anger evident on her face. "LOOK! She's traumatized! Come back next week!" Cream looked down at her watch and then at the camera, "And you viewers! Make sure you tune in next week to see a new toy." Cream took her headset off and threw it to the ground and started mumbling to herself, "People storming in here throughout the show...Mr. Director not intervening...Stage hands and crew not helping with Ash...Silver toy running off and leaving Ash to fall to her death...CAMERAS! TURN OFF! Where did all the stagehands go? And the director? WHAT'S GOING ON!"

The screen went black and the official voice came over the darkness, "Remember everybody, if you notice anything suspicious, contact the proper authorities. Thank you for taking time out of your day to help with this investigation."

* * *

******a/n**

**Well...by contact the proper authorities, I of course mean to review. Also, I'd like to thank Silvaze211 for giving me the idea for the silver toy.**

**I hope you've all enjoyed the two chapters. I thought it would be entertaining. **

**Have a good day and please review.**


	18. Big: Let's Find Froggy!

"So, how about we try a have smooth episode this week? Good, Cream...You're on."

"Thanks Mr. Director, and hello everybody!" Cream smiled and curtsied to the camera. "Since Kaoru is still in the hospital, there are going to be guest hosts until she gets out. Since this was a bit of short notice, I am your guest host this week. Also, since Kaoru is too weak at this moment to build any new toys we have dug up an old toy idea of hers that wasn't suppose to be built and sold. We have built this ourselves by her specific instructions and, quite frankly, I am very proud of ourselves."

"So thanks to the our hardworking staff, I will now present you with Big: Let's Find Froggy!" A stage hand walked a small toy Big onto the stage while holding his hand. "As you can see, this toy is half the size of the real Big so we can play on the adorableness factor. Going along with that, Big needs constant attention, like a five year old, which is why we hold his hand when we walk with him. Of course, as Big usually does, he has lost Froggy. Poor little guy." When the stage hand finally approached Cream with the waddling Big toy, Cream took the toy's hand and the stagehand left the stage. She patted him lightly on the head and continued on. "This toy is very lazy and comes with a fishing pole which he uses to play with when he is bored. There is no way to turn him fully off. He sleeps and eats just like a regular person. Also, he only starts to look for Froggy when you say the name of this toy."

Cream let go of toy Big's hand and walked away from it. The toy big automatically ran toward her as an toddler would follow its mommy. As you can see, the toy is dependent just like a small child and is very cute to keep around. You can do almost anything with this toy." Cream walked over to the side of the stage where she was handed a little red ball. "Catch Big!" She called to the toy as she threw the ball.

The Big toy started to catch it, but the ball slipped out of his fingers and bounced behind him. He ran after the ball and threw it back almost as soon as he caught it. "Besides playing catch with Big, you can also dress him up and play patty cake with it. You can also take him fishing, which would make him immensely happy, but the main thing he was programmed for was to find Froggy." Cream walked over to Big and looked into his eyes and said, "Okay Big! Let's find Froggy!"

Immediately, the toy began to run around the stage, overturning things as he went. "Froggy!" He yelled. He ran and disappeared behind the curtain at the back of the stage. Suddenly there was a loud noise and Big ran back from behind the curtains carrying green shoes with a disgruntled crew member chasing him. Big handed the shoe to Cream and looked at her curiously, "Froggy?" He asked her semi-innocently.

Cream smiled nervously and shook her head as she handed the shoe back to the crew member. "Not Froggy," she said.

"Froggy!" Big yelled as he ran off stage.

"Well, while that's going on, let's show some videos of our happy customers.

* * *

Decoe appeared on camera, looking very nervous, "Um. Eggman isn't going to be happy about this...every single one of his green robots have be stolen by this toy I bought. I um...I don't think I want to be here when Eggman finds out about this. Can I, um, stay at your house?"

A very angry mother was yelling into the screen, "ALL OF MY AMERICAN MONEY IS GONE! WHAT KIND OF PERSON BUILDS A TOY THAT JUST STEALS AMERICAN MONEY! I DEMAND THAT I BE REFUNDED ALL OF MY MONEY PLUS ALL OF THE AMERICAN MONEY THIS THING HAS COST ME! I DEMAND IT! I WANT IT RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NO-" The Big toy is seen carrying a load of green American dollars and soon notices that the angry mother's dress is green. He runs over to her and starts yanking at the dress, "FROGGY!" he yells "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GET THIS HORRIBLE MONSTER OFF ME!"

A crazy hobo that we found in a park was laughing hysterically into the camera. "HAHAHA! THIS TOY HAS MADE ME RICH! LOOK AT ALL OF THIS MONEY IT BROUGHT ME! LOOK AT IT! HAHAHAHA! I LOVE THIS TOY! LOVE IT! HAHAHAHA!" The crazy hobo ran skipping down the street carrying money in his arms with the Big toy chasing after him.

* * *

The camera cut back to Cream where she is seen with a huge pile of random green objects piled at her feet. She stared wide-eyed down at them and shakes her head. "As you can see, everyone is very happy with their toy. Warning: We are not responsible for loss of any type of green money and we suggest that you wear no green clothes around this toy. It's all in the fine print on the toy instructions; therefore you can not ask for refunds or sue us."

The big toy has once again got its hands on the green shoes and puts them on top of the green pile. "Froggy?" he asked patiently.

"Not Froggy," Cream sighed. "Unfortunately, this toy will not stop looking for Froggy until he finds him. Just like the Cheese toy we had made for the Cream: Tickle Party! toy, there have been a limited number of Froggy toys made. The Froggy toys are sold separately for a price that has not yet been set. Speaking of which, this Big toy cost at least one arm and one leg. We don't care if their yours...or fake..." Cream sighed again as the Big toy brought her a green bottle of hairspray from the make-up room. "Look on the bright side," Cream said as she picked up the toy Big, "he is extra squishy and doubles as a pillow, and don't forget, the Froggy toys are sold first come, first serve. So go down to Kaoru's Toyland as soon as possible to pick up yours today! Good-bye everybody! Come on Big, let's see if we can find where you got all this stuff from," Cream smiled sweetly as she handed the crew member his shoe back.

* * *

**a/n**

**Actually, I'm very proud of myself for humoring dyslexic-carmie and actually writing this chapter. At first, I didn't like this toy and was reluctant to write the chapter, but since I had decided Cream was the first guest host, I decided to give her an easy toy. Especially since she got so fed up last episode. **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **

**Have a good day and please review. **


	19. Sonic Underground: Band Robots!

"Okay Tails, how many times have you seen this show before?"

"Uh, well, the thing is...I never watched it before. Kaoru talks our ears off when it comes to these toys, so none of us actually watch the show. She usually rehearses in front of us. Sometimes. I guess. I usually don't watch it. I have a lot of stuff to do, y'know?" Tails stood nervously on stage and started to wonder why he ever agreed to guest this show. Maybe it had something to do with Cream setting up a bunch of those crying Cream toys around his house until he gave in. Those things really ARE like the past 6 year old Cream, not that she's changed much.

"Okay Tails?"

"Huh?" Damn this internal monologue he can't get out of his head.

"I said that we've written up some cue cards for you, so just read those and everything should be okay. The show has already started, so take it from here."

"Um. Okay. Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Kaoru's Toyland. I am Tails and this week we are introducing a toy that I myself will be receiving _free_ for my participation as a guest host this week. WHOA! REALLY? That's great!" Tails composed himself and smiled at the camera. "Anyway, this week we are selling three separate toys for 9000 rings each. The tree toys together make a complete set and come with a free amplifier if you buy all three. It's a real bargain!" Tails walked to the front of the stage and looked straight into the camera. "Hey you! Yeah you! The one sitting on your couch just staring at your screen. Can you guess what this week's toy is? Well...can ya? What? No?" Tails sighed dramatically. "Fine. Um." He walked to the right side of the stage and looked into the camera on that end. "You, the one just laying in your bed with your thing sitting on your knees! Yeah you. Can _you_ guess what this week's toy is? You can? Excellent! Why don't you tell everyone what this week's toy is." He was quiet for a few seconds and then screamed, "THAT'S RIGHT! WOW! You're a smart one, aren't ya?"

Tails stood up and then looked off stage, "Cream? Do I really have to say all this? I'm starting to feel like...not me. Who wrote these cards anyway?"

From behind the camera Cream answered, "I don't know who wrote them. If you don't like what the cards say, then just edit them as you go along, but try to get the main point across."

"Good. This week's toy is sure to become one of my favorites. Um...Lift the curtain!" The curtain behind Tails lifted and set up behind it were three 5 foot tall toys and a two foot tall amplifier. The toys were Sonic, Sonia, and Manic. Sonic was holding an electric guitar, Sonia had a keyboard in front of her, and Manic had a drum set. "That's right everybody! This week's toy is Sonic Underground: Band Robots! Once they are turned on, they will begin to sing and play instruments." Tails looked very confused and looked off stage again. "Cream, it doesn't say how you can turn these things on."

Cream ran on stage and stood in front of one of the cameras, apparently trying to read the cue cards. "Uh-oh. Well, I don't know how to do it either. Kaoru told us the concept and someone built it for her in her hospital room. I have no idea who built it to find out how to turn it on."

Tails shook his head. "I'm sure I can figure it out." Cream nodded and ran back off stage while Tails began running around the stage and inspecting the robots closely. "I think I found something! On the back of Sonic's head it says, 'I think this calls for a serious jam.' What do you suppose that means?"

When Tails finished speaking the Sonic toy yelled, "I THINK THIS CALLS FOR A SERIOUS JAM," and the three toy siblings began to play. While they were playing Tails began dancing as did most of the stage workers and they all ran onstage to dance with each other.

After a few minutes, the toys began to play noticeably louder and louder and after it soon became too loud for the people on set to bear. They scattered off the stage as a distressed looking Tails hovered around them and tried to find a way to turn them down. Cream ran onstage and had to yell to be heard over the noise. "HAVE YOU TRIED THE AMPLIFIER?"

Tails shook his head and ran to the amplifier, soon finding the volume knob and began to turn down the music, but turning it down didn't seem to help at all. He turned the knob slightly and the Manic toy began to play off beat, causing Cream to flinch and cover her ears. Tails tried to turn it down again and Sonia began hitting the wrong keys on the keyboard.

"I CHANGE ME MIND!" Cream yelled over the noise. "DON'T TRY THE AMPLIFIER! DON'T TRY THE AMPLIFIER!" Tails couldn't hear her and desperately tried to turn it down again which caused Sonic's playing to go up an octave. "NO! STOP!" Cream ran away from the toys and pressed the microphone of her headset close to her mouth. "PUT ON THE VIDEOS!" She screamed into it.

* * *

The McDonald's guy was dancing in midair and seemed completely unfazed by the loud music, "THIS ROCKS! THIS REMINDS ME OF MY DAYS AS A TEENAGER ROCKING OUT AT CONCERTS! I LOVE THIS!" McDonald's guy began playing air guitar and slid around the air on his knees.

Bokkun came onscreen, looked distressed. "AH! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE!" He started crying uncontrollable and began yelling for Eggman to save him. "Please! Save me! I don't like this! EGGMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! Please! HELP!" The messenger robo vurled up in fetal position and started rocking and sucking his thumb."

A kid outside of a grocery store was on his knees with his hand over his ears, screaming too quietly to be heard.

* * *

Tails was sitting on the floor rocking back and forth with his hands over his ears as the three band members continued to play severely out of tune. Cream was no where to be seen. "Go to your happy place. Go to your happy place. Go to your happy place." When Tails saw that the cameras were back on him, he jumped up and ran toward the camera. As you can see, we are having technical difficulties. Apparently Kaoru is the only person who knows how to turn these things off and since she is currently out of town in a hospital bed, you can see our problem. At this moment Cream is running to the supply room to find a Tails: Find And Fix! to see if it can do something about this insanity. Then, I will get one of the toolboxes and try to rebuild these toys with a workable off switch. Until then, buy a Tails: Find And Fix! when you purchase these three monstrosities. Thank you and goodbye everybody!" With that, Tails put on a pair of Eggman Unapproved: Earmuffs and ran out of the room.

* * *

**A.N. **

**Wow, my other Kaoru toys really come in handy, don't they? I'd like to thank Casino Nights for giving me this toy idea. **

**This is by far my most popular story and I will most likely keep it going as long as possible. I have plenty of toy ideas lined up and would like to thank everybody who hands me an idea. Normally, I reply to any review with a toy idea and thank them myself, but recently I have been getting a lot of anonymous reviews giving me ideas. So, thanks everybody and I'll try to do all the toy ideas I receive. **

**Anywho...thanks fans for reading my insanity. **

**Have a good day and please review. **


	20. Omochao: Home Tutor Edition!

"Wow, do you really own _all_ of the toys from Kaoru's Toyland?" The director asked over the speakers.

"Sure do! I watch tons of TV and I make sure to watch this show every week! The toys are really fun! Just yesterday I had a race with the Sonic: Let's Play Tag! I got to tell you, it isn't easy, but I think that I pretty much even out with him since I can move between flowers. Although, Vector's not happy with my Shadow toy. Apparently it won't stop dancing while he's working. He says it turns on by itself, but I think Espio goes invisible and turns it on to mess with Vector's head."

"That sounds...really fun. Okay, we have a show to do and you're on."

"Alright! Let's go! Hi everybody and this is Kaoru's Toyland and I am your guest host this week, Charmy Bee!" Charmy did a back flip in the air and continued, "As usual I'm sure this week's toy will be a hit! Kaoru's Toyland is excellent at making really fun toys that we can all play with every day!"

Charmy laughed and flew off screen for a few seconds before returning with a box. He placed it on the floor and stood next to it. "Let's see what this week's wonderful toy is!" He tore the box open and pulled out an Omochao. The smile that had been on Charmy's face fell instantly. "Um. Cream, I don't know about this."

"Just keep going!" Cream called from off stage.

"Uh...Okay. Everyone, this is Omochao: Home Tutor Edition! Now, let's see..." Charmy pressed a button on the Omochao's back and it began to fly. The smile returned to Charmy's face and he rose into the air with the Omochao. They began to fly circles around each other and started doing tricks. "THIS IS FUN!" Charmy grabbed the Omochao by its arms and started twirling it around. He started laughing and throwing the Omochao into the air.

"Um, Charmy, we don't have time for this!" Cream called.

"Right! Okay. Let's see what this toy does!" Charmy landed next to the box and dug out the instructions page and read from the top. "This toy tutors your kids without you having to go out and pay for a tutor. Omochao: Home Tutor Edition needs no tutor fee. It will even do your chores!" Charmy stared at the page. "Tutor? It's a tutor? What fun is that? I'd much rather use it so it can do tricks with me."

"Charmy, some people really need help in school, and this Omochao will help them get their grades up so they can become productive members of society," Cream explained to him.

"LAME!" Charmy looked very displeased and looked around for a price tag on the box. "Ah! This toy cost 38...Priceless heirlooms? I don't get it." Charmy looked up at the Omochao hovering quietly in the air. "He's much quieter than other Omochao. How can he teach if he doesn't ever speak?"

"He probably has some activation code," Cream walked onstage and grabbed the instruction manual from Charmy's hand. "Ah," she said pointing at the paper, "here it is...Omochao knows everything!"

The Omochao seemed to jerk awake and it started to fly in slow circles over Cream and Charmy's heads. "Omochao knows everything. Omochao knows everything. Omochao knows everything. Omochao knows everything. Omochao knows..."

Charmy looked at Cream, "I already hate it," he deadpanned.

"CHARMY," Cream looked appalled, "WE'RE FILMING!"

Startled, Charmy said, "I already...love it?"

Cream nodded, "Good." Cream walked off the stage and, over her shoulder, said, "Keep going!"

"Umm. (Omochao knows everything...) Okay, first, I want it to stop saying that." Charmy read the instructions. "AHA! Okay Omochao, if you know everything, then teach me something."

The Omochao jerked again and came to hover in front of Charmy's face. "If one angle of a triangle is 90 degrees and one of the other angles is known, the third is thereby fixed, because the three angles of any triangle add up to 180 degrees. The two acute angles therefore add up to 90 degrees: they are complementary angles. The shape of a triangle is completely determined, except for similarity, by the angles..."

"Can I make it change subjects?" Charmy asked, ignoring the continuation of the rambling.

"Don't know. Read the instructions."

"Okay, the instructions say...Ow!" The Omochao had landed onto Charmy's head and kept rambling.

"With these functions one can answer virtually all questions about arbitrary triangles by using the..."

"Um. Can we go to that happy customers thing while I try to figure this out?"

* * *

A kid was crying and walking down the street with an Omochao floating behind him, "I JUST WANT IT TO SHUT UP!" He started to cry louder. (...receives an invitation one weekend and attends, finding the party wild and fun. However, he also discovers the guests do not know much about Gatsby and that rumors about the man are contradictory. Nick runs into Jordan Baker, who invites him to join her. While looking for Gatsby, they run into a man with large "Owl Eye" glasses admiring Gatsby's collection of...) "MAKE IT SHUT UP!"

An angry kid was speaking between throwing rocks at the Omochao, "I...just...want...to...sleep! Shut...this...thing...up! It's...so...annoying! Why...won't...it...blow...up! (Delicious is spelt D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S)

A little girl appeared on screen looking both relieved and excited. "Oh my goodness. It stopped. It actually stopped talking, and look at this!" She shoved paper into the camera. "I got a perfect score on my paper! This thing actually works! (Play with me!) Am I suppose to entertain this little monster now? After what it put me through?"

* * *

The camera flashed back to Charmy who is sitting on the floor, crying, with Cream hovering next to him. The Omochao is still talking. "The trigonometric functions can be defined in other ways..."

"Well how do we turn it off?" Cream asked quietly.

"YOU DON'T!" Charmy cried louder. "ONCE IT'S ON, IT'S ON!" Charmy shoved the instructions at Cream, "READ THE FINE PRINT!"

Cream begins reading. "Please do not turn this toy on until you are ready to use it. This toy will continually tutor your child until he/she gets a perfect score on whatever subject the child is having trouble in, which the toy automatically knows after one touch by your child and please noted that Omochao are really needy and always needs attention so it will keep annoying your child without a reason at all." Cream looked down at Charmy and back up at the rambling Omochao. (SOH! CAH! TOA!) She knelt down at Charmy's side, "Don't worry, I'll find a way to make it stop. Let's go see if we can find a pair of earmuffs," she spoke sweetly to him. She helped him up and held on to his arm as they began to walk off camera. "It'll be okay. Oh! Have a good day everybody! Come by Kaoru's Toyland to get your own toy! Come on Charmy...Lets go."

* * *

**a.n.**

**Thank you Mana50 for this idea...I hope I've done it justice. **

**Thank you for reading and have a nice day**

**Please review**


	21. Blaze: The Fire Chef!

"I don't want to be here," Knuckles grumbled from on stage. He was sitting with his arms crossed and leaning against a wall.

Cream was standing next to him and she seemed slightly frustrated, "Then why did you show up?"

"I want to talk to that director guy about this show," Knuckles stated.

"The director isn't here, Mr. Knuckles. So whatever your motive was, it failed. Can you just do the show? It's already started. Hop to." Cream ran off the stage and anger flashed across Knuckles features.

"Fine, but I want to have a talk with the director as soon as possible."

"I'm the assistant director. Just write a note and leave it with me, I'll make sure that it gets delivered. Now do the show." Knuckles grumbled loudly to himself and stared into the camera without saying anything. "What's the problem now?" Cream asked, slightly irritated.

"No one told me what I was selling." He said, then under his breath he mumbled, "So unprofessional." Cream brought a piece of paper to him and then walked off stage again. "Hello everybody and here's another episode of Kaoru's Toyland. Doesn't it make more sense to name the show something different than the store?" Cream didn't answer him so he sent a dirty look off camera and continued reading. "This week we have another toy that can help you with some of those useless chores we all have to do at home. This toy could sure help relieve some of that responsibility. You see, this is exactly why I want to talk with the director. She's promoting laziness and irresponsibility."

"Knuckles, you agreed to do the show, and because you did that, you have no opinion on this show as of now. After the show, you are allowed to say whatever you want." Cream was starting to sound irritated. "We are on the AIR!"

Knuckles narrowed his eyes and stared down at the paper. He mumbled about the 'stupid hare' for a few seconds before continuing. "This week, Kaoru's Toyland is proud to present Blaze: The Fire Chef!" Knuckles paused for a few moments to glare off stage. "This toy will do all of your cooking for you no matter what time of day! It will cook breakfast, lunch, dinner, a midnight snack, brunch, supper, anything!

"Not only that but we all know how tired we are after eating. I know that I prefer to curl up and take a nice long nap after I eat over having to walk around and clean up the mess my family made. Well, there is no worrying about that with this toy, because Blaze: The Fire Chef will pick up and clean the dishes, wipe down your counters, and even sweep the kitchen floor!

"I know all of this may seem a little to good to be true, so let's take a look at our happy customers to see what they think about it."

* * *

The Chaotix Team appeared on screen covered in goop. Charmy was crying and Espio had his eyes closed with a serene look on his face while Vector looked too angry to speak. Espio spoke, "She...put macaroni and cheese in the oven, and it just kind of ...exploded." Espio let out a huge breath sat down on the floor, "Who puts Macaroni in the oven?"

A family of five appeared on screen. They were all staring down at their plates, which were covered in what appeared to be black mush. "Honey, I don't think this is edible," the mom said, "we can't eat this." The dad smiled softly, "Sure we can! Watch." The dad took a big bite and forced a smile, "That's delicious."

Bokkun was standing in front of the Blaze toy with a plate of food in his hand. "You call this food? This doesn't taste good at all! How dare you call yourself a chef!" Bokkun threw his food at the Blaze toy which responded by setting Bokkun on fire.

* * *

"Do you really expect me to finish this show?" Knuckles asked Cream who was standing in front of him looking agitated again. "If so, then I would like to tell you..."

"Oh look! We are back on air! Finish reading the paper, write down whatever complaints about the show you have, and then leave." Cream walked off the stage, leaving Knuckles to glare off stage once more.

Knuckles looked at the paper and scoffed, "Didn't those customers seem grateful for their Blaze: The Fire Chef? Well you can have your own Blaze: The Fire Chef today is you just come down to Kaoru's Toyland and pay only three first born children. That's right only three! Warning: Please stay near this toy the entire time she is cooking. She burns food easily and doesn't pay much attention to what she is doing. Do not make her angry because she has been known to go to far lengths such as setting your house or you on fire."

Knuckles crumpled up the paper and threw it over his shoulder. "I don't see how any of you can watch this garbage of a show, nor do I see how any of you can buy these toys." Knuckles sighed dramatically and then smiled weakly, "Don't forget to come down to Kaoru's Toyland today to get your own Blaze: The Fire Chef! Good bye everybody!"

Knuckles walked off stage as he mumbled about the 'stupid hare' and her 'stupid TV show.'

* * *

**a.n.**

**For those of you who don't read New Girl in Town...Knuckles hates Kaoru...a lot...if that wasn't obvious. **

**Many thanks to Mana50 for suggesting this idea...**

**Have a good day and please review. **


	22. Amy Approved?: Love Potion!

"HELLO EVERYBODY! I'm Amy the Hedgehog and I am your guest host this week! Hopefully, this will be my great debut and maybe I can go on to bigger things! As usual, my friend, Kaoru of Kaoru's Toyland has come up with a wonderful new idea!"

Amy walked across the stage as she continued talking. "Just to prove how much I guarantee this new toy, Kaoru called me to her bedside at the hospital and told me all about the toy, and I offered to approve it!" She stopped at the edge of the stage where Cream handed her a pink box covered in red hearts. "So this week, I am happy to present. Amy Approved: Love Potion!"

"This love potion can make your love fall in love with you. All you have to do is get your love to take one sip and BAM! they are hooked on you like a fish to a...Well, a hook."

Amy picked up the box and eagerly ripped it open, pulling out three small bottles filled with a strange liquid, a beaker, and a bottle of shampoo. She set them up on the table behind her and pulled out an instruction manual. "Congratulations! If you are reading this, then you have bought Kaoru's Toyland's new toy Amy Approved: Love Potion for the small, small price of 53,488,733,234 broken hearts. In this box you should have found three ingredients, a beaker, and a nondescript bottle.

"This bottle only takes three easy steps to make. Step one: Mix the three ingredients together. The ingredient in the pink bottle is liquefied passionflower. We use this ingredient because it acts as a slight sedative and will relieve nerves and anxieties which will help your love relax and be more accepting to a love...Wow, Kaoru sure did but research into this...Caution this ingredient is naturally hot and will require gloves to hold...Gloves?" Amy looked into the box and found a pair of gloves and some goggles. "Ooh!"

Amy put on both the gloves and the goggles. She poured the contents of the pink bottle into the beaker and picked up the instructions again. "The ingredient in the blue bottle is Vanilla. We decided to use vanilla in our potion because Vanilla brings about pleasant memories in a person. It softens their emotions and makes a person more caring. Vanilla has also been known to increase cough desire in a person. For this reason, only 3/4 of this bottle should be poured in with the potion. The rest should be used as a shampoo in the giver's hair so that the potion and receiver will act to the proper giver."

Amy gave a broad smile to the camera and poured most of the bottle into the beaker, capping off the rest so that she could use it later as the instructions said. "The third and final ingredient is strawberry juice. The strawberry juice will turn your potion red which is a powerful and passionate color. Strawberries are a symbol of sensuality and earthly desire, making it perfect for our love potion. Their shape of a heart is perfect for our potion because it personifies love and will make the potion stronger, and lastly, strawberries help enhance beauty so by the receiver drinking this, the receiver will notice all of the giver's natural beauty."

Amy poured in the last ingredient and looked into the box where she found a small stir stick. "Step two: Use the vanilla as soap and shampoo the shower before you give the potion...Easy enough." Amy capped the potion as she continued talking. "Refrigerate potion for five to fifteen minutes." Amy nodded and put the potion in a small drawstring bag. "Step three: Pour potion into nondescript bottle and give to your love. The potion does not need to be drunk to be put into effect. It only needs to come into contact with skin, though drinking the potion will make it at three to twenty times stronger.

"Now that you have seen the beauty of this product, let's have a look at some of our happy customers!"

* * *

Kaoru comes on screen and is leaning over the window sill of her third story hospital window. She has a head bandage, an arm cast, and a leg cast. "Kaoru, we're on," the camera man says.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Kaoru waves a hand over her shoulder, ignoring the camera man.

"Aren't you going to talk to us?"

"Depends, what do you want to talk about?" Kaoru leaned a little further over the window sill.

"Well, one, try not to fall out of the window. You are just about healed and you don't need another accident. Two, you asked us to come here for the happy customer video and no where else. Why did you ask us to come here, and why are you leaning out of the window?"

Kaoru laughed loudly, "Take a look for yourself..."

The cameraman, and camera, approached the window as Kaoru stepped out of the way. The camera went over the window and was pointed at the ground below. A mass of people were huddled on the ground below her window. There were people playing guitars, a lot carrying flowers, and other random cliché lovey-dovey things. "What the biscuit is going on down there?"

Kaoru laughed, slightly embarrassed and rubbed the back of her neck nervously, "You see...This was the first product I've made since getting hurt. All the other ones that have been made since the accident have been things they found in my old files of rejected ideas. The crew dug them up and found someone to build the toys using my notes. I wanted to make sure this came out well, so I used a lot of test subjects, and here are the results."

"All of this is from the potion? When will it wear off?"

"Well, I never found that out. I gave the potion to them two weeks ago. I didn't have time to see how it would work or when it would wear off or if it affected different people differently. So far there has only been one abnormality, I haven't found out what makes this one test subject different though."

"Doesn't that seem a little _irresponsible_?"

"Psh, what do any of you know about irresponsibility," Kaoru scoffed, and then laughed loudly.

"One last question," the camera man said, "What is he doing here?" The camera swiveled and focused on Shadow, who was sitting in a chair with a serene smile on his face. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off of Kaoru.

Kaoru giggled, "Personal Gain?"

* * *

The camera snapped back to Amy who was engulfed in flames and yelling furiously at a terrified-looking Cream. "Why didn't anyone tell me!" She screamed.

"Well, Kaoru mentioned to us before that there was one abnormality, but she didn't say..."

"This is ridiculous!" Amy interrupted her.

"Ms. Amy, can you just finish the show, we can discuss this after. Please?"

"Fine!" Amy snatched the instruction manual from Cream, who promptly ran off stage. "Warning: This potion should only be made under 24 hours before being used. We are not responsible for the receiver throwing out the potion without using and or drinking it." Amy's eyes filled with fury as she read the next line, "This potion does not work on SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!" Amy made a loud screeching noise and ran off stage screaming, "I REFUSE TO APPROVE THIS POTION ANYMORE!"

Cream ran back on stage stood in front of the camera, "Please come by Kaoru's Toyland today and pick up your own Amy...approved?: Love Potion! Um...AMY!" Cream ran off stage and the screen went blank.

* * *

**A.N. **

**Uber special surprise host for "Next week's" show. Stay tuned. **

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. **

**Have a nice day and please review..****. **


	23. Cosmo: Grow It!

The camera faded in to show an empty stage as three clicks came over the speakers, "She's coming!" the director announced.

"Got it!" Cream called back. "Get ready, everyone! This is what we've all been waiting for!" Cream ran onto the stage and pushed the table from the back wall to the center of the stage. Then she ran back off stage and returned with a box. She set it on the table as stage hands carried other things on stage to do the same.

"Almost there!" The director called again.

"I could've guessed that!" Cream stood center stage and smiled into the camera. "Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Kaoru's Toyland! Things have been pretty racy for the last few weeks, but now here's the moment you have all be waiting for. This week we have a super special host and she will be here any minute."

"Not any minute. Now!"

"Everybody ready?" A large number of stage hands raced across the stage and stood in front of the back stage door. One of them opened the door and the others quickly formed a ring around the special host. Slowly the group walked across the stage and was sure to keep the special host out of sight.

"Now, I know you all must be dying of anticipation by now," Cream smiled brightly at the camera. "So, I hope you are all ready for this! Kaoru's Toyland would like to welcome to this show..."

"Da da da da da da da!" The stage hands moved apart and Kaoru stepped out of the center of the circle, striking a pose. "Hello everybody! I'm ba-ack!" Kaoru moved forward, limping slightly with a walking cast and smiled. "It's been a while everybody, but I'm back again to take my position as permanent host and toy maker for Kaoru's Toyland!"

The stage hands cheered loudly as they walked off the stage and off camera, while Cream turned around and walked out of the back stage door.

"Okay everybody," Kaoru calmed the stage hands. "Well, this is a special week because I spent a lot of time putting this new toy together. So I am proud to present..." Kaoru said as she turned around and sat at the table. She elevated her leg on the chair next to her and dug into the box Cream had brought on-stage. "This is the amazing new toy, Cosmo: Grow It!" She pulled out an exact replica of Cosmo and set it on the table.

"That's right! Kaoru's Toyland has gone green this week and we are selling these beauties for the low, low price of 589348573948 arcade tickets. This toy has no secret codes or buttons, all you have to do is put her next to a flower, seeds, or soil and she will activate and take care of the rest.

"Observe," The ceiling camera switched on and gave an overhead, close-up view of the table Kaoru was sitting at. Kaoru pulled a tray of soil next to her and opened a packet of seeds. She stuck her fingers into the soil, making holes, and then placed a seed into each of them. She placed the Cosmo toy next to the tray and it began to move its hands in the air as if it were doing a special ritual. The front camera took over again to watch this from a better angle.

At that moment Cream burst through the back stage door. "Kaoru! Don't plant the seeds!"

Kaoru jumped up and winced slightly as her weight came down on her leg. "What's the matter?"

"There's a problem with the..." Cream looked into the camera and back at Kaoru. Lowering her voice she said, "There's a problem with the testers."

Kaoru laughed loudly, "Of course there isn't! Cosmo: Grow it can grow any flower you want it to. Technically you don't even need seeds." Next to Kaoru, little leaves began to sprout out of the tray. "The seeds are just like performance enhancers for this toy. Technically all you have to do is ask it to grow a certain flower and it will. The testers were just another technicality."

Cream eyed the tray with a look of worry. "But Kaoru, this is something you need to know about. It's important, and I think we need to move away from the table."

"We'll discuss it as we switch over to the videos of the happy customers."

"Kaoru...I really don't think that that is a good idea."

"Nonsense! Mr. Director, please play the videos."

* * *

"Somebody help me!" The woman on screen screamed loudly as a large rose opened its mouth to show off large teeth. It roared loudly and began hopping in its pot toward the woman. "It's trying to eat me! Help! Anyone!"

"I love this toy!" A woman appeared on screen in front of a large house. It has turned my30 acresof barren, desert land into a beautiful green lawn. The camera panned down and showed her front yard which was filled with bright green grass. "Now my friends won't laugh at me anymore!"

"BACK DEMON!" A man was backed into a corner with a chair in one hand and a whip in the other. "Go away! Back! SOMEONE GET THE HOLY WATER!" The camera turned away from the man to show a monstrous tiger lily trying to get close to him. "BACK!"

* * *

Kaoru stood speechless staring at a monitor off-stage. Next to her was a row of harmless dandelions. "Um. What just happened?"

Cream eyed the flowers and the Cosmo toy suspiciously. "The toy continues to grow the flowers until they are carnivorous monsters. Then the monsters begin to attack and if they are planted in a pot, then they can chase you. It they are planted in the ground, they can't, but it seems that many people like to have plotted plants..."

"But the woman with the grass..."

"Grass seems to be the only plant that this toy can safely grow. All of the testers for grass are completely normal. It's the other flowers that are the problem. I think it would be a good idea if we take the toy off the shelves."

"Take the toys off the...HA! I'll take care of the rest of the show, and in the meantime, go see if anything can kill the plants."

Cream ran out of the back stage door and Kaoru turned to smile at the camera. "So come on down to Kaoru's Toyland today to buy your very own Cosmo: Grow It! Warning: You are buying this toy at your own risk. We are not responsible if your family gets eaten. Please remember to read all warning labels and go to our new website KaorusToyland dot com for any updates on this toy or any of our previous toys. The website will also tell you if the time or day of this show has been changed. Thanks for watching!"

* * *

**A/N**

**I'd like to start out by thanking Sonic9234 for this idea. It is highly appreciated appreciated. **

**And now I'd like to apologize for my complete lack of updates. It's the end of the school year and there was state testing and tons and tons of class projects and SAT and a bunch of other things and it's been crazy. But have no fear, finals are almost here and the summer will start and there will be a lot of updates then. But to start off. My goal is 5 updates for this story before the weekend is over and at least 2 more updates for any other story I have. Hopefully that will make it up to my readers. Not that this story is life or death or anything. So...Let's keep truckin...**


	24. Super Sonic: Ultimate Hero!

Kaoru walked onstage, still in her walking cast, and Cream followed her with an arm load of emeralds. She dropped them onto the table and ran offstage only to return with two boxes. "Are you going to be okay with this?" Cream asked Kaoru after she set the boxes down, her voice full of worry.

"No problem, my leg is getting better; I need to walk on it more. It'll be fine." Kaoru said wincing with every step she took. Cream only nodded and walked slowly off of the stage.

"Amazing. Good afternoon everybody! I hope you have had a wonderful week and that you are ready for another fun-filled episode of Kaoru's Toyland. I personally believe that you will become completely infatuated with the new toy that I have planned to show today." Kaoru walked toward the table and smiled, "But you haven't tuned to listen to me talk about nothing. You tuned in to listen to me talk about the brilliant toys I come up with...Though a recent survey taken has shown me that a lot of you tune in to watch what mishaps may happen during the show, but I highly doubt any will today. Let's get started, shall we?"

Kaoru walked around the table so she could face the camera and opened one of the boxes. "This, my fans, is Super Sonic: The Ultimate Hero!" She put a life-sized normal Sonic onto the table and placed her hand on its head. "Now, I know what you're thinking. 'But Kaoru, there must be a mistake! That's just a normal Sonic!' Well, have no fear, my dear fans, this will be a Super Sonic when I am done with it."

She started sifting through the emeralds on the table and pulled out one Chaos Emerald of every color. "Everyone remembers my rock candy Chaos Emeralds, right? Of course you do! All you need to do is get one of every color and purchase one of these Ultimate Heroes for the price of OVER 9000! Rupees. Hahaha rupees from Rupeeland..."

"Rupees are Indian currency, Kaoru," Cream interrupted from off-camera.

Kaoru giggled, "You're silly. Anyway. You buy the Ultimate hero and then put him right in the middle of the 7 rock candy Chaos Emeralds and watch him go Super Sonic!" Kaoru set up the 7 candies in a circle around the Sonic toy. The toy slowly rose into the air and turned golden, and then he began to fly around the stage. "This toy can beat up anyone! To demonstrate this feature, I'd like to welcome the REAL Sonic the Hedgehog to the show!"

Sonic the Hedgehog walked on-stage through the back stage door and quickly crossed over to stand next to Kaoru. "Yo."

"Thanks for coming Sonic," Kaoru smiled.

"No problem!" He winked and gave a thumbs up to the camera.

"To get the attention of the Ultimate Hero, all you have to do is clap twice." Kaoru clapped and the Ultimate Hero obediently landed next to her. "Now, Sonic, touch my shoulder." Sonic the hedgehog followed Kaoru's instructions, and she let out a blood-curdling scream. "Ultimate Here! Help me!"

The Ultimate Hero attacked Sonic by landing a head butt right into Sonic's stomach. Sonic retaliated by throwing the toy towards the back wall of the stage, but the toy was able to stop itself before hitting the wall and fly back towards Sonic at full speed. The two Sonic's began a battle that was so fast it was nearly impossible to see. "Well, while those two work on that, why don't we take a look at some of our happy custo..." The Ultimate Hero and Sonic crashed into the studio camera causing it to go dark.

* * *

A blue-haired 12 year old appeared on screen, grinning happily. "This toy has helped me so much! No one bullies me anymore. They are all too scared that my Ultimate Hero will beat them up. But, I do have one problem...The toy..."

"My car is broken," complained an 18 year old college girl standing in a parking lot. Look at this!" The camera turned around to show a totaled car. The hood was squashed down into the engine, which had fallen out, and the roof had a large hole in the middle of it. The college girl walked up to the car and kicked it hard. "How am I supposed to get to work now? This toy destroys every..."

The Ultimate Hero was flying in circles over a little boy's head. He looked no older than a year old and was giggling loudly at the toy. his mother walked up to young child and clapped her hands. The toy landed beside her, and she picked up the baby. "It's like having a babysitter. I know the Ultimate Hero won't let anything happen to my baby." The mother smiled politely to the camera before walking away.

* * *

The ceiling camera zoomed into Kaoru who was sitting next to Sonic on the stage floor. "You'll be okay," she laughed at him, "it's just a toy."

Sonic the Hedgehog stood up and dusted himself off. "Don't worry, we'll see who wins in the end," and with that he ran out the back stage door.

Kaoru turned her body a little and looked up into the ceiling camera. "So as you can see, anyone would kill to have this toy," She said, gesturing towards the now normal looking Ultimate Hero. "Don't like the idea of a Super Sonic? Well, no problem!" Kaoru stood up with much difficulty and walked over to the table, opening the other box that had been placed there. She pulled out a Blaze the Cat toy. "This Ultimate Hero toy also comes as Burning Blaze! To go along with this feature, we also have the new Rock Candy: Sol Emeralds! to turn this toy into Burning Blaze. These emeralds sell for the same price as the Chaos Emeralds candy, so come one down and get your own toy today.

"Warning: These toys do not care what they may destroy in the process of a battle with someone. Also, after watching that video, I am now legally obligated to say that we will not be held responsible for the kidnapping of any children if you happen to leave the Ultimate Hero to baby sit your kids. Do not mistake the Ultimate Hero for a firefighter or any other everyday hero. Finally, we are also not responsible for any Sonaze fans hacking these two toys to fall in love with each other."

Kaoru laughed loudly as set up the Sol Emerald candies around the Blaze toy and it turned into Burning Blaze. "Goodbye everyone and thank you for watching!"

* * *

**a.n.**

**Unfortunately, this suggestion was anomynous and therefore I have no one to properly thank. But, you know who you are and I sincerely thank you for this suggestion. Though I have heard of Blaze, I have never heard of Burning Blaze...or the Sol Emeralds...but the suggestion comment gave me the gist of it. So hopefully, I have done this toy justice. **

**I really have no idea what else to say...except that I hope Sonic fans won't kill me for saying that Sonic got beat up. But it seems like this fight isn't over between Sonic and my toy, so...maybe that will come up in another chapter. I don't know, we'll see. **

**Thanks for reading, have a good day and please review. **


	25. Amy: Love Protector!

"Howdy everybody! It's time for another rootin' tootin' time of an episode of Kaoru's Toyland!" Kaoru limped on-stage and smiled at the camera. She was wearing a cowboy hat and one cowboy boot. "This outfit is a long story and has absolutely nothing to do with today's toy. So we'll ignore it and go right on with the show. I have two pieces of good news this week! The studio camera has been fixed and my walking cast should be off of my leg when you tune in next week! YAY!"

"Kaoru, can you just start the show?" Mr. Director came over the speakers of the studio.

"Sure thing. Cream, our assistant director, is absent this week, so Mr. Director will be back up to his old ways. Recently he has been working mostly on our new website, getting it to run faster and what not, so he hasn't really been watching the show. I happen to think it's a good thing he doesn't. He's a party pooper, don't you think?"

"KAORU!"

"See what I mean? Anyway, we have an amazing new toy this week. Amy: Love Protector!" Kaoru walked over to a toy that looked exactly like Amy, but was almost three times her size. "This toy acts exactly like the real Amy and has her exact personality!

"As you can see, this toy comes with it's own hammer which just so happens to be built to scale. Amy: Love Protector! is built to protect your significant other from everyone! No one will be able to get near your significant other without having to face Amy's hammer. Of course, this means that Amy will also be protecting your significant other from you. Don't feel too bad about this, just make sure that you are ready to put up a fight," Kaoru laughed loudly as she finished the sentence.

"Um Kaoru," the Director came over the speakers. "Can we make the show a little less sadistic sounding? I think you are laying it on a little..."

"No worries! Moving on! This Amy toy can also find Sonic anywhere! We aren't sure how this feature is useful, but I wasn't even aware of it until after the toy is built. I mentioned Sonic in a sentence and the toy took off. About an hour after that, this toy had Sonic by quills and plopped him on the floor right in front me. Let's just say he wasn't very happy, especially after last weeks show." Kaoru laughed again and the director made a warning 'tsk' sound over the speakers.

"Of course, just like the real Amy, this toy sometimes mistakes other hedgehogs for Sonic. While trying to test this feature, this toy brought back many different hedgehogs. All of them were equally unhappy about being dropped at my feet. So I'd just like to warn you against mentioning Sonic around this toy unless it's an absolute emergency."

"Kaoru...Do you really have to explain everything? You're trying to sell the toy, not talk the customers out of buying them."

"And this, my fans, is the reason I prefer to have Cream directing the show..."

"Kaoru!"

"Yeah, yeah. There is one more thing I would like to warn you about before we switch over to the happy customer videos. This toy has a horrible temper. She is easily offended and will not think twice about attacking her owner over a slip of the tongue. You should definitely use this toy at your own risk.

"Okay Mr. Director, let's show our viewers the happiest people on Earth!"

Music started up over the speakers as the camera started to fade out, "It's a small world after al..."

"NO!" The camera faded back in and Kaoru looked at the ceiling with a worried expression on her face. "Not them! I meant the videos of our happy customers!"

The director laughed over the speakers, "You should be more clear next time."

* * *

Shadow appeared on screen looking even more unhappy than usual. A young fox was desperately trying to apologize to him, but seemed to be having no success.

The screen changed over to a young woman who looked frightened and lonely. "She...The toy...JARED!" The woman burst into tears and ran off screen. The camera swiveled to show the toy standing guard over a frightened young man, shivering in a corner.

When the camera opened up to a new scene a woman was laughing maniacally. "Let's see him try to cheat on me ever again!" The woman eyes were wide and seemed to be out of focus. "I'll never let him out her watch! Never!"

A beeping came across the screen as it went dark. The words, "I'm sorry, we are having some technical difficulties. Please stay tuned," appeared on the screen.

* * *

"Um, sorry about that, you guys. I try not to show things that may frighten children and I had that shut down as soon as possible." Kaoru laughed nervously for a few seconds before forcing a smile at the camera.

"So come one down to Kaoru's Toyland today to buy your own Amy: Love Protector for the low price of only 999,999,999 blocks of gold. Warning: This product may likely cause random outbursts of "HALUMHIFGILEUFS!" and the unfathomable need to ride unicycles while chasing bears dressed as Charlie Chaplin.

"Remember to read all warning labels and to check out our website! Well, it looks like we have a few minutes left to fill, so lets see if we can get that video of the happiest people on Earth? Mr. Director?"

"Of course!" The director laughed and clicked off the speakers to the director's booth.

The music started to play and Kaoru waved to the camera, "Goodbye everybody!" She turned around to walk out the back stage door and the screen faded out.

"It's a world of laughter, a world or tears  
It's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear  
There's so much that we share  
That it's time we're aware  
It's a small world after all  
It's a small world after all  
It's a small world after all  
It's a small world after all  
It's a small, small world  
There is just one moon and one golden sun  
And a smile means friendship to everyone.  
Though the mountains divide  
and the oceans are wide  
It's a small, small world  
It's a small world after all  
It's a small world after all..."

* * *

**A/N**

**Big personal thank you to Red Axis for providing my brain with this idea. Originally it was supposed to be a mini toy but for some reason my sadistic mind shows prefers this toy to be big. **

**I'd also like to thank my friend Kirk for providing me with the currency and the side effects of this toy. **

**I'd like to apologize for my complete lack of humor in the past few chapters. I think I need to go back and read the previous chapters to get back in to zone. I'm actually thinking about taking down the TV show and just making it commercials again. We'll see how that goes. **

**I hope you have a good day and enjoyed reading this chapter. **

**Please review. **


	26. Jet: Permanent Rival!

The camera faded in and three shadows could be seen moving around the back of the stage. Kaoru hobbled onto the stage using a cane, her cast now gone, and smiled into the camera. "Hello, everyone and welcome to another episode of Kaoru's Toyland. Please excuse the movement behind me. Mr. Director is showing a few people around the stage, apparently my case is still under investigation, and they are looking for clues.

"Ignoring the people behind me, let's get on with the show!" Kaoru walked over to the stage table and picked up a toy that looked exactly like Jet the Hawk. "I'd like to introduce my new toy, Jet: Permanent Rival!

"So what does Jet: Permanent Rival do, you ask? Well, that answer is very simple. Is there a person you don't like? What about that one really tall kid who always insists on challenging you to basketball only to beat you and laugh at you? Well, Jet: Permanent Rival will be able to do something about this problem!"

Kaoru set the toy on the floor next to her, "As you can see, this toy is slightly taller than the normal Jet so that it will be more versatile.

"But Kaoru, how does any of this help me with my bully and or enemy problem? That's an easy one! Jet: Permanent Rival will constantly try to outdo its targets, A.K.A your bully and or enemy's, at their hobbies. Is your bully a football player? Then Jet: Permanent rival will strap on some cleats and get ready to play some football. Is your enemy your opponent in the championship chest tournament? No problem! Jet will sit down across from him or her and play a game of chess."

Kaoru snapped her fingers and the Jet: Permanent Rival opened its eyes. "Jet, I think it's time to show some people what you have in you."

Kaoru opened the back stage door and Decoe walked through the door and on-stage. "For this show, I had Decoe here, build a robot from our Robo kit and have him trained specifically for...?"

"Baseball!" Decoe said. "Volker!" A robot the exact size of the Jet toy walked through the stage door and stood behind Decoe.

"Well fans, this is Volker, and he will be demonstrating the uses of this toy. Jet, Volker just challenged you to baseball."

Kaoru walked over to the side wall and told everyone to step off the stage. After the stage was clear, Kaoru flipped a switch on the wall and the stage floor lifted up and turned over. The new stage was covered in all the necessities of a baseball field such as the four bases, a pitchers mound, and foul lines.

"Okay you two, line up." Volker and Jet stood in front of Kaoru, standing at attention. "We are just going to play by simple rules for the show. Jet, you will be up to bat first. Once you have three strikes, you will switch places. The first person to hit ten balls wins."

From the background, the shadows stopped short and turned around noticeably. "Um Kaoru," the director called, obviously having heard the conversation on stage, "I don't think that's a good idea. The studio is pretty small, you may break something."

"No problem Mr. Director. Volker, Jet, try to only hit grounders. Okay, Mr. Director? It minimizes damage that way!" The three shadows in the background hesitated for a few seconds before nodding to each other and continuing their work. Kaoru smiled to herself, "Play Ball!"

Jet and Volker picked up a bat and glove and took their respective places on the field. Decoe blew a whistle and the game began. Volker pitched three fastballs, all missed by Jet and caught by Kaoru who was playing catcher. Jet and Volker switched places which quickly ended the game with Volker hitting the first ten pitches Jet threw at him. Decoe ended the game by blowing his whistle again and everyone gathered in the center of the field.

"Thank-you Decoe, Volker," Kaoru nodded at them. "So, as you can see, Jet: Permanent Rival is a great toy to have for competitions. Now let's take a look at some of our happy customer videos. Cream, who is up in the director's booth, will hit that switch for us. Cream?"

* * *

"Does this toy actually _win _anything? He hasn't won anything since I bought him. Do you think I should return him to get a new one?" asked a young boy wearing a football jersey.  
The cameraman answered from off-screen, "Kaoru's Toyland has a no refund no exchange policy. Sorry Kiddo."

A teenage girl chewing bubble gum was inspecting the Jet toy closely. For a second a look of dissatisfaction crossed her face. "Okay, let's pretend for a second that our rival's hobby is por..."  
The screen flashed blank for a couple seconds saying, "I'm sorry. We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stay tuned."

"What the hell is this piece of junk?" Jet the hawk screamed as he threw down the Jet toy. "Who is trying to portray me as this loser?"  
"That would be Kaoru."  
"That stupid hare? Where does she get off trying to...No...No...That's it..." Jet jumped onto Type-J and flew off.

* * *

When Kaoru reappeared on-screen, she seemed to be staring at the off-stage monitor. "Am I the only one who thinks that a lot of our happy customer segments end that way?" she asked into the camera. She sighed audibly, "I guess that means I have to wrap up the show."

Kaoru smiled widely, "This is my 'buy something from me smile.' So, come one down to Kaoru's Toyland today to buy your very on Jet: Permanent Rival. It only cost...something...and I should warn you of...side effects...so...REMEMBER TO READ ALL WARNING LABELS!"

* * *

**A.N.**

**I would like to thank MyMusesSpeakToMe for submitting this idea to me. Unfortunately, I don't know much about Jet so this was a fun research project. **

**No Hares were harmed in the making of this tv show. **

**Please review and have a nice day. **


	27. Fang: The Bodyguard!

**A.N. Before we get started, I'd just like to congratulate my friend Carmen, A.K.A Dyslexic-Carmie, for receiving the very first ever Kaoru's Toyland product ****on 5/26. Yay! Enjoy the story. :) **

* * *

The camera faded in to show an empty stage. Kaoru's voice came from off-camera, "Good evening everybody and welcome to Kaoru's Toyland. The show where you sit on  
your bottom and I explain to you the uselessness of another one of my toys. This week we have a toy for you that is guaranteed to get you to do the exercise you always complain that you need. So sit on down and let's get on with the show." Kaoru ran onto the stage and clapped her hands together once. "I know we're all ready for a wonderful show today and don't worry, I'm ready to give you one.

"This week, we have a toy of someone who will not find me and cause problems at my studio. Using that as an introduction, here is my new toy Fang: The Body Guard! Fang?"

The camera zoomed in on the back stage door and a toy about 7ft tall ducked through it. He walked on stage and the camera had zoomed out to show both the toy and Kaoru in the shot. "Where's the jewels?"

Kaoru laughed loudly, "Don't worry, big guy," she patted his leg, "We'll get to that." Kaoru chuckled again and continued, "This Fang has been programmed to be your own personal bodyguard. What's he going to use to protect you? His cork gun, of course! Fang, why don't you show our viewers your cork gun?"

The giant Fang chuckled creepily, "I know exactly what you mean by that..."

Kaoru stiffened noticeably and her eyes widened, "I...I mean...to show the fans you...c-cork gun," she stammered nervously.

"Exactly!"

"Just show them the cork gun!" Kaoru screamed as she hit Fang on the leg.

"Fine," Fang reached into his holster and pulled out the cork gun. "Now what?"

"Simple," Kaoru ran to the back wall of the stage which had a bullseye painted on it. "Point, aim, and fire. We need to show the viewers exactly how good your aim is so that they will feel safe having you as their bodyguard."

"Yeah, yeah." Fang turned and pointed at the target. The screen split down the middle, one side was showing Fang pointing his gun and the other side was showing Kaoru standing next to the bullseye. Fang took aim and shot his cork gun which hit the bullseye perfectly. Kaoru whooped and picked the cork up off of the ground.

"I'd replay that back for you guys in slow motion, but Cream is up in the director's booth today and I'm not sure if she is used to the technology up there." Kaoru laughed and walked away from the bullseye.

"I'm expecting my jewels now," Fang reached out his hand towards Kaoru.

"I'm getting there. Just wait just a while more. Now, Fang is available for only..."

"The Prince is ready to buy today. Where are my jewels?" Fang tapped his toe impatiently.

"You can have them once the show is over. Just be patient until then, okay?" Kaoru said, holding her hand up to keep him silent.

"You promised to pay me jewels!" Fang yelled at her.

Kaoru's eyes widened and she turned toward him, "You'll get your jewels at the end of the show!"

"I want my jewels now. I need to sell..."

"To the fancy-smancy prince, yes, I know. You need to just wait for the show to be over."

The speakers clicked three times and Cream came on overhead, "Umm, Kaoru? Is this going to be a big problem? We do have an audience watching."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have it all under control...Now look here, toy. I created you and I can destroy you! You're just going to have to wait for your jewels. If you interrupt one more time you won't get them at all." Kaoru turned away from him and smiled at the camera. "Now, as I was saying, we..."

"Don't go anywhere," Fang turned away and walked out the back stage door.

"Where are you going?" Kaoru shook her in disbelief. "It's so hard to get good toys these days, isn't it? As I was saying, Fang comes with a never-ending supply of corks, and you can get him for only..."

A loud noise came from the direction of the stage door. "Cream? What's going on? What's on the cameras?" After a minute without an answer, a worried look came across Kaoru's features. "Cream?"

"Kaoru? I think you need to leave the studio. The toy has gone rogue." There was a slight pause and then Cream said, "Kaoru, I didn't know you gave the toy an air bike."

Kaoru's ears twitched anxiously, "I didn't."

Another loud crash came from the back before Cream said, "You really need to get off-stage and off-camera, Kaoru."

Just then, the back stage door flew open and the Fang toy flew into the room on his air bike. "Where are my jewels?"

"I...the show...it's..." Kaoru's ears twitched again.

"I want my jewels!" Fang swooped down over Kaoru's head. She ducked, and Fang only narrowly missed her. "Where are my jewels?" He swooped over her again and Kaoru jumped into the air and started up her bunnycopter. She flew off-stage and out the back door, Fang chasing after her.

It was quiet for a few minutes as the camera pointed at the back stage door waiting for something to happen. "Neil?" Cream said over the speakers.

"Yes?" Asked a man from off-camera.

"I think it would be okay to turn off the camera now. We're almost out of time. I'll call the station manager and tell them to play a short video for the rest of the show," Cream sighed loudly. "It's a good thing Mr. Director wasn't here; he would've flipped his lid."

"Yes ma'am." The camera swiveled and pointed to the stage again. "Bye everybody and thanks for watching Kaoru's Toyland," Neil said from off-camera.

* * *

**Bunnycopter: Kaoru's form of flying by spinning her ears like Tails spins his tails. (Bunnycopter idea was thought up by AWriterThatCan'tSpell, A.K.A the artist that came up Kaoru's appearance. And Bunnycopter was first featured in my other story New Girl In Town when Tails and Cream teach Kaoru to fly) **

**This idea was sent in to me anonymously. So, thank you whoever you are. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Have a nice day...night...thing... (It's ****Midnight****:34 (my way of saying ****12:34 am**** where as ****12:34 pm**** would be ****noon****:34..yeah, idk) here so I don't know what  
to say.) Have a nice ****midnight****?**

**I'm sorry for my lack of knowledge on Fang the Sniper. :( But I tried my hardest at research. I'd also like to apologized if anything seems typed in a weird form. Something went wonky when I switched the story from Word to this Site. So...idk. **

**Please review?**


	28. Kaoru's Toyland: Channel Six!

**I have a very good excuse for not updating. No really. I've gone back over this story and fixed many typos and rewrote some of the stuff. So it's better. I also did the same thing for New Girl In Town. I haven't really updated anything lately. I edited a lot for dyslexic-carmie and still do. And I update A Strange dream a few times. But I'm going to get back into the habit with updating this story. :) **

* * *

Kaoru stood on-stage smiling widely. "Now, I know what you're all thinking. You're thinking, 'I'm ready for another super fantastic toy this week!' but I'm sorry, my dear fans, that is not going to happen this week.

"I don't watch much TV, but someone has brought it to my attention that there was a special segment on the news about my toys and I want to use this episdoe of Kaoru's Toyland to share it with you."

Cream walked up behind Kaoru and shook her head, "As assistant director on this show, I would just like to let it be known that I don't think this is a good idea. In fact, the director and I both think that this is a very, very bad idea."

"NONSENSE! This idea is fabulous and great publicity. No publicity is bad publicity because no matter what the news says about you, people will look you up and find out more about you. All this is going to do is make people buy more of our toys. So, Mr. Director, I think you should press play and link it to the monitors."

* * *

A Mobian appeared on-screen and was straightening out the papers in front of her. The scene then skipped to a picture of Kaoru and the Mobian began talking. "In other news, the sensation that has been sweeping the planet Mobius is also the cause of the flood of emergency room patients. Joey Tabia has more on this story. Joey?"

"Thanks Wendy. Kaoru's Toyland, the toy store that took this world by storm, is known for making hundreds of toys that the kids today are falling in love with, but due the danger these toys pose, it overshadows the overall fun and wittiness behind these toys. I'm standing here at the Mobian Emergency Hospital where the numbers have spiked up to three times their normal rate since the opening of Kaoru's Toyland and the distribution of their toys. Kaoru herself was placed in this hospital a few short weeks ago because of a mysterious accident that is still currently being investigated. Could one of her deadly toys be the cause of this misfortune? I'm going to go inside and see if I can find someone who has been hurt by the negligence of Kaoru the hare."

Joey walked into the emergency room and stood in front of the front desk where an annoyed looking nurse eyed the camera suspiciously. "How can I help you?" she asked, her voice full of irritation.

"Yes, ma'am, hello. I am Joey Tabia of the channel six news. I was wondering if I can get an interview with-"

"No," the nurse cut him off.

"Ma'am, we are live and I would like to talk-"

No," the nurse said again. "All interviews at this hospital must be booked five days in advance. I think it is very unprofessional of you to try to show up here unexpected."

"Well, the interview is meant to be with a patient, ma'am."

"No interviews with patients. They need rest, which doesn't include being hassled by a journalist."

"I'm not a journalist. I would just like to talk to someone about the influx of patients due to the opening of Kaoru's Toyland."

The nurse eyed him for a few seconds and looked over her shoulder before saying, "Whatever gets you to leave faster. Try room 430. There's a boy in there that has been involved in an unfortunate accident with a cooking toy."

"Ah, Blaze: The Fire Chef," Joey nodded sympathetically as he followed the nurse to a room with a kid bandaged from head to toe.

"Five minutes," the nurse clipped off her words at him before walking out of the room.

"Hello there! My name is Joey Tibia with the channel six news. Can you tell me who you are and how you came to be in this hospital?"

The boy stared wide-eyed at Joey for a few minutes before saying, "I'm Kyle Letherman. I had an incident with the Blaze toy. She set me on fire, but luckily it was put out before any real damage happened. These bandages are just show so I could look cool with my friends. Only my clothes caught fire."

"So you admit that this toy put you in danger?"

"Blaze? No. She's a sweetheart. I just antagonized her so I could be brought to the emergency room. Kaoru's Toyland's toys are cool! But now that everyone has them, I needed to get a step higher, and going home with a cast or something would be so cool!"

Or a special news report about the dangerous these toys have caused kids would be really funny.

Joey Tibia stared at Kyle for a long time before finally just walking out of the room and out of the building. Once he was outside, he looked into the camera and shook his head. "Few kids seem to get entertainment out of this, but there are some who get seriously hurt. Many parents are complaining about the medical bills and even the entire existence of this store. Back to you Wendy."

"Thanks Joey, a petition has been started to have this store closed down and have Kaoru the hare investigated. To sign this petition, you can go to the grocery store and a table will be set up outside. For more on this story, we will be posting an article on our website," Wendy smiled sweetly to the camera. "In other news, the circus, a day of innocent entertainment or a tent full of lies? More on that story after these messages."

* * *

Kaoru jumped up and down happily. "We made the news! Isn't that great! That mean more people will buy toys yay!" Kaoru's tail was twitching so fast, it was just a blur to everyone watching.

Cream looked at Kaoru nervously, "Are you worried that they are going to shut down the store?"

Kaoru laughed, "Worried? No. They'll never get enough signatures. My toys are too popular. And they can't shut down the show because I own the tv station, but I'm glad I was able to make the news." Kaoru smiled widely into the camera. "I hope every has enjoyed the show and I'll see you next week where I'll be showing you a new toy!"

* * *

**Once again, I apologize. I had wanted someone else to write this channel, but that fell through. She never got around to writing it for me and I just gave up and did it myself. I thought she would be better suited for this chapter, but I hope it was still entertaining. The next chapter will be a toy chapter.**

**Have a nice day and please review. **


	29. Eggman: Diet!

"Good evening everybody and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway? The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter!" The curtains opened up and Kaoru was standing on a stairway that led to no where. "Just kidding," Kaoru laughed loudly. "Welcome to another episode of Kaoru's Toyland!"

Kaoru sat on the bottom step of her stairwell and leaned back on her elbows, crossing her ankles. "Sorry, guys I'm not going to be moving around much. I am exhausted and quite full." She patted her stomach with a far off look in her eyes and only snapped back to attention when Cream loudly cleared her throat. "Right right, okay. This week in Kaoru's Toyland we are going to be selling something that will satisfy your taste buds!

"This week at Kaoru's Toyland we will be selling two complementary items for the price of one. That's _two _items for the price of 32094290 63" HD televisions!' Kaoru smiled happily into the camera.

"But Kaoru," Cream was suddenly standing next to her and reading off of an index card, "what can possibly be that great that?"

"That's a very good question, faceless customer I don't even know, and the answer is simple. For a limited time only I am going to be selling the Limited Edition: Eggman Diet!"

Kaoru waited several seconds staring expectantly into the camera, waiting for the information to sink in. "Of course, this isn't something you can actually "buy" in our stores," she said using finger quotations. "You actually get all of this food in the mail, and it will make you round just like Sir Eggbutt. Which is perfect if you plan to play a mall Santa, a Disney Vilain, a plumber, an American, or an Eggman!"

"But Kaoru," Cream read again, "I don't want to eat that disgusting lard that Eggman eats. Will the food actually taste good?"

"That's another good question faceless customer! And that is precisely why this product isn't Eggman approved! We actually wanted to give out good tasting food! All of the food that will be sent to you for the Eggman Diet will be handmade by Vanilla the rabbit!"

"Wait what?" Cream asked shocked. "Kaoru, did you ask my mother's permission before you wrote this script?"

"It's better to beg forgivenss than to ask permission," Kaoru quoted. "I'm sure she won't mind, she loves to cook."

"Oh Kaoru," Cream whined.

"Tired of waiting two, three, even four weeks to recieve your lunch in the mail? No worries! To go with our diet, we are also selling the Vanilla Cookbook!"

"What!" Cream's eyes widened. "Kaoru, did you..."

"This cookbook is filled with delicious recipes such as apple pie, mac and cheese, cookies, cake, lemon bars, brownies, fudge, cupcakes, and waffles. However, this cookbook has no recipes that use meat and for some reason this fact is causing my cookbook to sell very poorly in a country called America on Earth, particularly a place called Texas, but I have no way of fixing that now."

"Kaoru," Cream sighed, reading from her note card, "how can you prove the deliciousness of your product?"

"That's incredibly easy. Every Saturday Kaoru's Toyland will be giving away free samples with every toy purchase!"

"Kaoru, I want to look exactly like Doctor Eggman, does your diet garuntee that?"

"Of course it does! If you buy our diet then you will develope the same eggrolls as Dr. Fatman...OH! I mean fatrolls as Dr. Eggman." Kaoru giggled, emabarrassed, "I'll never be able to look at eggrolls the same way again...Like I was saying, you will be able to do Eggmany things like...I don't know...Spend your Saturdays pretending to be Humpty Dumpty."

Cream snorted as she tried to hold in laughter and Kaoru looked pleased that she enjoyed her joke. "On that note, let's move on to videos of some of our satisfied customers.

* * *

"Hello Doll, I am absolutely in love love love with this product," said some girl that sounded like a redneck. "Pretty soon I'll be able to join the circus as the fattest woman alive!" The camera-man panned the camera downward as the girl patted her stomach. She looked as if she would be able to fit an extra small.

"Dude, like, you have no idea. This is, like, the _best_ chocolate I have, like, _ever _eaten in, like, my whole life," a teenage girl full of pep was all said as she clutched a fudge pie in her hand.

"I'm starting to think I can't take all of this rich food. My belly is really starting to ache and I'm getting nauseous, but I can't cancel my subscription to the diet because then I wasted all of that..." the young woman burst into tears as she ate another slice of raspberry cheesecake.

* * *

"Well, yes. There is that. Once you sign up for the diet there is no refund. You sign up for a full year of delicious food, but don't worry, you get it a months worth of food at the beginning of every month. If you think that you will have a problem storing that food you can pay 6,397,392 doorknobs for a small portable freezer. It will be great!" Kaoru clapped her hands together and looked at her watch.

"That looks like all the time we can spend together today, but no worries. We at Kaoru's toyland would like to remind you that we are not responsible to ruptures of the stomach, kidney and or liver failure, or rectum blockage. Thank you all and have a good night."

* * *

**A/N**

**Sorry, I've been having some problem with Doc Manager but I think it is all patched up now. It's mostly just editing things already in Doc Manager, so maybe I'll just make sure everything is fine before I upload it. **

**Have a good night and please review. **


	30. Tails Doll: Company Doll!

"This episode is going out to all the loners and losers out there," Kaoru smiled widely into the camera and continued. "Do you ever feel lonely? Of course you do. Do you want someone to stand by you for as long as you want? ...No? Well too bad! No one cares what you think!"

Kaoru's ears twitched as she heard someone 'Tsk' at her. "Right, sorry. Anyway. We have the perfect doll for you! This week we are putting our new doll Tails Doll: Company Doll onto our doll shelves with the rest of our dolls! Yay redundancy!" Someone "tsk'd" again and Kaoru's eye twitched a bit. "The Tails Doll Doll will always follow you around and keep you company so that you will never feel lonely!"

Kaoru glanced nervously off stage and took a deep breath before continuing. "This doll will even confirm your fears that you are being watched at all times! It will raise your paranoia to a whole new level. A level that has never before been reached in human history! It will follow you anywhere! It will follow you from home to the bowling alley, to the skating rink, to the grocery store, to the mall, to work, even to your grave!"

The "tsk" that sounded out this time was loud and caused Kaoru's ears to droop like a dog that's in trouble. "By "to your grave," no one is suggesting that Tails Doll: Company Doll will kill you. Tails Doll: Company Doll will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. In the event that the Tails Doll: Company Doll _does_ speak, Aperture Scienc- I-I mean Kaoru's Toyland encourages you to disregard all of its advice. Also, no one but you is responsible for the possibility of dead bodies that might appear at your doorstep."

Kaoru heard a series of tsks and got back on track. "Of course, none of this has anything to do with the Tails Doll: Company Doll which we are selling starting yesterday at Kaoru's Toyland for 4905390 slightly used mattresses. Please call Kaoru's Toyland for our definition of 'slightly used.'"

When Kaoru heard the "tsk" again she shut her eyes and breathed in slowly. "I think it's time for a break. Mr. Director, can you please play the happy customer's video?"

The director came over the speaker and said in a soft, pitying voice, "Of course, Kaoru."

* * *

An old, plump woman was walking out Kaoru's Toyland holding a Tails Doll: Company Doll in her arms like a small baby. "This little thing is so darling! I've been a widow for five years, and now I'll finally have someone who can watch movies with me and someone I can cook and make sandwiches for. Someone I can take to the park and push on the swingset!" The woman sighed and walked away looking very satisfied.

Next to walk out of Kaoru's Toyland was a five-year-old girl who held a struggling Tails Doll in her arms. She squeezed him hard and his eyes bugged out slightly. "My mommy bought me this because she thought my imaginary friends was convincing me to do mass murders! Now I don't need an imaginary friend!"

The little girls mother ran out of Kaoru's Toyland and snatch the girl up into her arms. "Sally, we do not talk into random cameras. What were you telling these people?"

"Nothing mommy," the girl said. "I was only telling them that you bought me this doll.

"Oh thank heavens," the relief was evident on the mother's face. "Let's be going now Sally." The mother put the girl back on the ground and took her by the hand, pulling her away.

Seconds later, a man ran past the camera screaming. Seeing them, he stopped and started talking frantically. "You have to get this thing away from me! Help! I need to return this thing! It won't leave me alone! I think it's trying to kill me! I can't go on with this thing following me! You can't see it but I swear it's there! I can feel it watching me!" The man turned around and ran into the store. The Tails Doll: Company Doll was hanging on to his belt for dear life, smiling happily.

* * *

Kaoru stood up from sitting on the edge of the stage and nodded.

"As always we have a couple of warnings for you. I know, I know, how could we possibly have any warning when the people in the videos looked so happy, but trust me, some people get strange ideas and do some things and if we didn't warn against it we get sued and it's this long and messy process that no one wants to go through. So, here we go...

"Kaoru's Toyland is not responsible for projectile vomitting, escessive shaking, hair pulling, stowaways in backpacks, children going missing and the Tails Doll:Company Doll dressing up like the missing child, neurotic feelings, anxiety, overpowering paranoia, and a lot of other things. For a full list of things that Kaoru's Toyland should not be help responsible for, please read the instruction pamphlet that comes with our toy."

Sighing, Kaoru continued. "If you happen to feel overpowering paranoia, anxiety, neurotic feelings, stress, or any other negative feelings that may be associated with this toy please come over to Kaoru's Toyland, we have built a new section to our building called the "relaxation chamber." In this room, we will be able to help you relax without heavy medications.

"If you happen to find a robot that looks like it could be an Eggman Approved Robot while you are in this building, please stand away from it unless you are absolutely sure that it _is, _in fact, an Eggman Approved Robot, because if it isn't, then it is _possible _that these robots may shoot bullets at you. And if you see a strange looking gun or blue, white, or red "paint" on the floor, please back away.

"Enthusiasm is in the eyes of the beholder, my dear viewers! And we are out of time, so please return to your couches and televisions next week to see what else we will be selling at Kaoru's Toyland! Good bye everybody!"

* * *

**A/N**

**I'd like to thank Sonic9234 for giving me this idea and would like to inform Sonic9234 that they are my new famous person because they used a portal reference. That was very awesome of you. **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Have a good day and Please Review. **


	31. Sonic: Work Out Video and Chest Wax!

"Now, now, now, I know what a couple of you are wondering. You're thinking 'Kaoru, why was last week's show so depressing?' No worries, my dear viewers! Last week there were a few critics here in the Kaoru Studio, but I'm sure that everything is fine and now it is time to get on with the show!"

Kaoru skipped happily across the stage and signaled for someone to raise the curtain behind her. Sitting in the middle of the stage was a large HD television hooked up to DVD player. "Kaoru?, you're saying, you're selling televisions now? Hahaha, you silly viewer. Of course we are not selling televisions now, and we never will. This week, we will be selling Sonic: A Workout Video!"

Kaoru ran off stage and quickly returned wearing sweatbands, legwarmers, and a t-shirt. "Kaoru, why would you make a Sonic workout video? you are asking me right now. Think carefully. Think back to the very first video game that our friend Sonic the hedgehog starred in. Do you have that image of Sonic in your mind? Excellent. Now, think to the most recent video game that Sonic starred in. Now, compare the two."

Kaoru's tail twitched as she smiled happily into the camera. "_How_ is it _possible _ that our dear friend Sonic the Hedgehog lose his belly after those first few Sonic games?"

She was bouncing on the balls of her feet now, barely containing her excitement. "Well! Now I have the answer! Sonic showed me his secret to losing all of his baby fat and I caught it one tape! This is totally awesome!"

The director made a huge point of sighing dramatically, "Unfortunately, Kaoru. You cannot do a workout on the show. So move on to the next product."

"But," Kaoru pouted, "I went through all of the trouble of setting up the big tv."

"_After_ I already told you that you couldn't do the work out on the show. Move on."

"Fine. The other product we are selling this week is Sonic: Chest Wax! And now you are going to say, 'but Kaoru, why would you be selling Sonic chest wax?' It's quite simple, but instead of explaining it you, we are going to show you some footage of me appoaching Sonic on both of these points. It'll be fun!"

* * *

Kaoru was bounding up Tail's driveway where he was working on a new plane.

"Hiya Tails!" Kaoru called to him.

He looked at the cameras suspiciously. "I'm not hosting the show for you again, Kaoru. Last time was just-" Tails shuddered.

"Silly fox, I'm not about to ask you to host the show for me," Kaoru smiled sweetly.

"Then why are the cameras here?"

"I have an appointment scheduled with Sonic. Have you seen him?"

Tails shrugged, "Is there any particular reason you always come here when you are looking for him?"

"Yo," Sonic appeared next to Tails. "Kaoru," he nodded.

"That's why," Kaoru smirked. "Sonic, I'd like to ask you a few questions."

Tails lifted his eyebrows, "I thought you said you had an appointment scheduled."

"I scheduled it...just not with Sonic. I figured he'd be free." Kaoru took Sonic by the arm and pulled him into the house. "This won't take long, I promise."

Kaoru pushed Sonic down onto the couch and sat on the coffee table facing him. She pulled a microphone out of her pocket and started speaking into it. "Sonic, this week I'm going to be selling two toys under your name."

"This isn't going to be another Sonic in a Box, is it? That toy is torture to my psyche."

"That toy was #1 on our top seller list for five weeks!"

"Didn't Shadow buy most of them?"

Kaoru sighed loudly, "I solemnly swear that Shadow will be no where near this product, nor will he even be interested in it."

"Fine, shoot."

Kaoru smiled and looked down at a small notepad she had pulled from her pocket. "According to my research, you used to have a lot of baby fat. You were down right chubby cheeked and adorable." She reached up and pinched his cheek. "That was only for a few years though, how did you manage to loose all of that weight?"

"What does that have to do with a toy?"

"I want to make a work out video based on your exercise plan, and you personally being in the video would be great. I have the perfect workout outfit for you to wear."

"I'll do it. What's the other thing?"

A evil gleam appeared in Kaoru's eyes as she placed one are around his shoulders and put her other hand on his chest. "Sonic chest wax. Since all the other hedgehogs have chest hair, I assume you wax your chest. I mean, Tails is younger than you and even _he_ has chest hair." Kaoru rubbed her hand along Sonic's chest, "So smooth." She stepped away from him and smiled. "So obviously if you'll endorse the product it'll be really popular."

Sonic stared at Kaoru for a few minutes wondering if she was joking. "You're crazy," he said.

"So you'll do it?" Kaoru's smile broadened.

"I'll do the video, but in no way am I approving the chest wax."

"Never needed you to," Kaoru skipped away happily, leaving Sonic confused.

* * *

"And that's how I got Sonic in the 80s workout outfit." Kaoru looked very proud of herself. "So come one down to Kaoru's Toyland today if you want to loose some weight or get rid of that pesky chest hair so you can look just like Sonic the Hedgehog."

* * *

**A/N**

**This was Dyslexic-Carmie's idea. Lol. I am so sorry. **

**Have a good day and please review. **


	32. Fiona Fox: Matchmaker!

Kaoru hopped onto stage looking perky, she was practically jumping around with exciting. "Good morning everyone, it is 4AM and we at Kaoru's Toyland Studios are having a wonderful time. Aren't we, crew?"

Sitting on the edge of the stage were 8 crew members, all nursing a mug of coffee, who could barely keep their eyes open. None of them replied to Kaoru, only one acknowledged that she was there by turning to look at her and yawn.

"Aw! Come on guys! I'm wide awake! Maybe if you guys didn't stay up til three, you would be awake when I called for an emergency broadcast!"

Just then, Cream shuffled through the stage door with a pair of candy pajamas on. "Kaoru? What's going on?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Cream! I'm so happy you're finally here! Took you long enough though." Kaoru turned to face the camera. "I stopped by Cream's house and woke her up on my way here." Turning back to Cream she said, "What happened?"

"I thought you were a dream. The only reason I got out of bed was because my mom came in with pancakes and told me I had to come to work. Did you wake her up?"

"She didn't mind."

Cream sighed as three clicks were heard over the speakers. "Kaoru, what the hell is going on?" the director angrily asked.

"Mr. Disembodied voice sir! So glad you could be here! I'm ready to start the show! I just had the perfect toy idea and I built the toy and now I can't wait to show it off! We can do the show live now and air it three or four times today!" Kaoru was way too awake for 4 in the morning. "Up! Up! Up!" she yelled to the crew. "Places everyone!"

The crew members moaned like highschool freshman getting homework on the weekend and shuffled of to places behind the camera. One crew member moving around with unopened eyes actually hit his face on the camera lens and fell over. Cream ran over to help him up when she noticed the camera.

"How long have we been recording for?" She asked.

"Oh, hmm. I don't know. About three minutes before you showed up."

"Can we just get on with the show please, then?"

"Okay. As I was saying! Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Kaoru's Toyland. This week we are selling a toy called Fiona Fox: Matchmaker. Fiona Fox: Matchmaker is a not-so innocent looking mechanical wonder that will find the _perfect _person for you. By definition, the term 'perfect' means 'best qualified for' or 'best to.' However, Fiona Fox: Matchmaker does not support this definition. Fiona Fox: Matchmaker uses nothing but her own opinions!"

"Kaoru, after the love potion fiasco you had with Amy, do you really want to be messing with people's hearts again?" Cream asked with her voice full of uncertainty.

"I'm glad you asked, Cream. Fiona Fox: Matchmaker and the Amy Approved?: Love Potion are completely different! With the love potion, you picked who you wanted to fall in love with you. You used your _own_ opinions. With the Fiona Fox: Matchmaker you have absolutely no say whatsoever! So you can't possibly mess it up!"

"Kaoru, I'm not sure that this is going to work."

"Of course it will! And remember fans, I am in no way responsible for unintentional or intentional short couplings, all known as 'flings,' just as the matchmaking doll cannot be held responsible for pairing you up with a person of the same gender regardless of your prefrences. And you can't hold me responsible for that either, being as I am the creater of the doll because I have no say over who the doll thinks is right for you."

"Karou," the director yawned, "do we have any happy customer videos?"

"Of course not, Mr. Director! It's four in the morning! Who do you expect to be up at four in the morning? The store doesn't even open until eight. Although, now that you mention it, I should keep the store open twenty-four hours a day. Mr. Director, do you know anyone who would be willing to work twenty-four hours a day?"

"Are you saying you are going to make one person work all twenty-four hours without letting them go home?"

"Of course! What else do you expect? Who needs to go home when they are surrounded by all the fabulous toys at Kaoru's Toyland?"

"Kaoru their may be some legal issues..." the director started.

"Oh! Speaking of legal issues," Kaoru cut him off, "legally, I am supposed to tell everyone who is watching this that they should use at their own risk and dignity. Although, I don't think that's fair to me. Are my lawyers trying to me that my toys are dangerous and undignified. Why would someone say that about children's toys?"

"Kaoru, I'd hate to say this but you're toys," the director paused, not knowing what to say. "Oh! Look at the time! I think it's time for you to say goodbye now, Kaoru."

"Is it? Okay then! Thanks to everyone for watching this episode of Kaoru's Toyland. I hope you've all had a good night's sleep!"

* * *

**a/n**

**This idea was given to me by Sonic9234. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Before I close, if anyone could give me some ideas for currency, that would be great. **

**I have a lot of toy ideas lined up, but everyone is still welcome to give me ideas if they would like to. They don't even have to be toy ideas. Maybe an idea that's like the rehearsal or the news story, I have a few of those lined up too. **

**I hope everyone has a great day. **

**Please review and DFTBA.**


	33. Sonic and Chaos Emeralds: Find and Lose!

"Is anyone else hot?" Kaoru called out to the crew who all mumbled no in response. "I'm so hot." She laid down on the stage and started to fan herself.

Cream walked forward tentatively. "Kaoru? Are you okay? We kind of have to get the show started. The cameras are already rolling and.."

"The show!" Kaoru cut her off. "Of course! We have to get this show on the road!" She stood up slowly and wobbled on her feet. "Are you sure none of you are hot?"

"We're fine, Kaoru," Cream patted her back sympathetically. "Are you sure you can do the show?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." Kaoru took a deep breath. "Good morning starshine! The Earth says hello! I hope all of you are having a good day and I'm so glad that you all have tuned in for today's show. Today we have...we have...we..." Kaoru put her hand to her head. "I think...I think I have to lie down." She got back on the floor and curled up in fetal position.

"Umm, Kaoru?" Cream kneeled down and touched her head. "You have to get up now," she said sweetly.

"It's no use, Cream," the director said over the speakers. "You have to take over. She told me before we stared that she wasn't feeling well, but that she could still do the show. Since she can't, you have to do it."

"Um, Mr. Director, I'm not sure that that is such a good idea. I mean, you heard her. She said that she has to lie down. I can't even tell the difference between lie and lay! I can't do the show!" Cream started to panic.

"I don't think that knowing the difference between lie and lay will play a part in the show. Just go on, you'll be fine," he tried to soothe her.

"Right...okay..." Cream wrung her hands together. "As Kaoru was saying, today we have another two-toy offer that we began selling. They are Sonic: Let's Get the Chaos Emeralds! and Chaos Emeralds: Time to get lost!" Cream laughed nervously. "Her thinking behind this was the fact that everytime Mr. Sonic finds the chaos emeralds, they go and get themselves lost again! So we have a Sonic toy that will take you and help you find them and a device you can place your chaos emeralds into so that they will lose them and you can spend some more of your time finding them. Isn't that neat?"

Cream looked around at the crew, her eyes pleading. "Um. Okay. Well. I think we can have a little demonstration. Can someone bring me some of the Rock Candy and both of the toys?" She waited patiently while the crew put all of the things together and set them on the stage. "Good. First, as you see here, I have some of the rock candy and I will use this machine," she held up a small machine in her hands, "to lose them." She lifted the clear lid and placed the seven candies into the machine. She pressed a button as she closed the lid. "This machine works with the rock candies or it will also work with the Chaos Emeralds: Plushes! that we will be releasing tomorrow."

She stepped back as the machine started to sputter loudly. "Of course," she laughed nervously, "the sputtering and other noises means that the machine is working. It takes about thiry seconds for the machine to-" she was cut off by the loud noise of the chaos emeralds disappearing.

Smiling shyly she said, "No need to worry. They are gone but that just means that the machine worked. Also, the chaos emeralds stay in this universe and on this planet. Otherwise the toy wouldn't work. If your toy does happen to create a rip in the fabric between worlds, Kaoru's Toyland is in no way responsible."

Stepping away from the Chaos Emeralds: Let's Get Lost! and walked over to the miniature Sonic toy that she was a few steps away. "As you can see, this toy is only half a foot tall. Kaoru said that this made the toy faster and travel sized, in case you wanted to take it somewhere with you." She picked the toy up. "There is a dial on this toy's back with five settings. They are: Morning, Clean-up, Adventure, Playtime, and Bedtime.

"To turn the toy on, you have to set it to Morning which will wake the toy up. After it has awoken you have three choices to choose from.

"Adventure is the setting you want to use if you want to go on the adventure to find the chaos emeralds together. This setting may make the journey to find the emeralds last days, weeks, months, or even years! It's tons of fun to use!

"Playtime is for children. This toy will take the child and in help it find the chaos emeralds in just a few hours. That way the child can lose and find the emeralds during playtime.

"Clean-up is for when someone accidently sets off the lose machine or a child has run out of time and needs to find the emeralds in just a few short minutes. The toy will go get the emeralds itself and have everything picked up and ready to go.

"Finally, the off switch is Bedtime and will put the toy immediately to sleep. You can use this setting when you are done finding the emeralds or when you are ready for a break. The toy saves the progress and will continue when you are ready.

"Also, this toy comes with a cute little travel bag that you can put the chaos emeralds in when you are looking for them! So you won't have to carry them around in your arms all the time!"

Cream put the toy down and looked at the clock on the wall behind her. "It looks like we are nearly out of time so there is no time for videos of the happy customers. Remember everyone, don't put small children in the Chaos Emeralds: Let's Get Lost! The find toy only works on the Chaos Emeralds. Stay away from any rips in the time space continuum and report them to the proper authorities right away. When you play with the find toy, brace yourself! You wouldn't want the toy to rip your arm out of it's socket while it's pulling you along!"

Cream smiled happily. "We made it through the show in one peace! Yay! These toys cost 9,375,983,472,093,874 florens each! Goodbye everyone and have a great week!"

* * *

**A/N**

**I'd like to thank TheMasenkoMan and Dyslexic-Carmie for these two products. **

**I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter and that you all review. **

**Reviews take 30 seconds but make my whole day. **

**Have a good night. **


	34. Amy: I'm Glad She's Not My Ex Girlfriend

"Hello everybody and welcome to the special New Year's Eve edition of Kaoru's Toyland! Whoooooo!" Kaoru looked around, clearly the only one cheering and cleared her throat. "Sorry about that. They told me not to do it but _I do what I want!_" She laughed quietly and clapped her hands together once. "Anyway! As I was saying it's New Year's Eve and we have a special toy that we are selling to you today!"

She ran to the center of the stage, and picked up a very large box. "This is a special New Year's Eve toy! Whoo!" She lifted her hands over her head and started twirling around. "This is so exciting!"

"Kaoru! Really?" the director yelled over the speakers.

"I'm just so excited!" Kaoru yelled back. "It's like the day when I realized the Wile E. Coyote could catch that mean ol' roadrunner if he hired Sonic to do the job for him!"

The was silence for a few seconds before the director said, "You know, that just might work..."

"Of course it will!" Kaoru screamed. "I was so proud of myself when I thought of that one! Anyway, back to the show! This present is something that everyone should have at their New Year's party! But before we get to that...Cream! Can you bring me my hat, please?

Cream ran across the stage and handed Kaoru a ridiculously large New Year's hat. Kaoru put it on her head and then removed her jacket, revealing a brightly colored New Year's shirt.

"Kaoru," Cream said, "Don't you think you're going a little overboard?"

"Of course not! It's New Year's Eve!" Kaoru yelled loudly. "Now! Let's get on with it!"

She ran over to the box and tore it open. Before she pulled the toy out of the box she whirled around to face the camera and smiled. "Now, as we all know, New Year's is a couple's holiday. Couple's gather together and wait for that first kiss of the year at the end of the count down, and sometimes there may be some issue with Ex-Girlfriends showing up to the party and trying to steal that first to make your woman angry with you. 'Cause let's face it, guys. Women are crazy for no reason."

A few stage hands clapped and cheered from behind the camera in agreement. Kaoru threw a gleeful look their way and continued. "So, on this day, some people may feel a little stressed when it comes to Ex girlfriends and this is exactly what this toy is for!"

Kaoru pulled the toy out of the box and set it on the floor in front of her. It was a large Amy. The eyes were set in an angry glare and the hammer was in her hands, ready for action.

Cream, who was still standing on stage, glanced at it nervously. "Umm, Kaoru, I suddenly don't think this is a very good idea."

"Don't worry about it, Cream. I have everything under control." She looked back into the camera. "This is Amy: I'm Glad She's Not My Ex-Girlfriend! And she will make all of you appreciate your Ex-girlfriends and not mind them terrorizing your life."

Cream ran off stage. "I'm going to get as for away from here as possible," she mumbled, "I don't like where this is going."

"Has your ex-girlfriend been stalking you? Following you to work and the grocery store, trying to keep a tab on everything you are doing? Is it driving you mad? Well, no problem! All you have to do is buy this toy and let her show you what a real insane ex-girlfriend is like. To get her up and running you look her in the eye and say, 'It's not me. It's you.' And she will go completely insane! She will flip out and prove how sane your own ex is! Now let's get some videos of of happy costumers, yeah?"

* * *

"Oh my god!" An adult rabbit yelled, watching the Amy toy go insane. "My ex girlfriend had been breaking into my house and falling asleep on my couch every night, so I bought this toy to make me feel better about all of it. I said the magic words and this machine went crazy and completely destroyed my car! It reminded me of that one country song! I'm so glad that she is _not _my ex-girlfriend. Now I don't care if my girlfriend breaks in anymore! As long as she doesn't lose her mind, of course!"

The screen switched to a young dog. "My ex-girlfriend had been following me and my current girlfriend around for weeks. It was driving me insane! One day I saw her follow me into the pool hall we were at. I bought the Amy toy and it destroyed the pool hall! It was so weird! It kind of reminded me of a country song! I'm glad she ain't my ex-girlfriend." His girlfriend called him and he turned and ran away from the camera.

* * *

"Our toy is getting these kind of results from everyone who is buying it. People are loving it! You will never have ex girlfriend problems every again! So buy one today for your New Years eve party and appreciate who your ex girlfriends are! And remember, you can have this for the low low price of 6 broken hearts! It's a bargain!" Kaoru waved to the camera. "Good bye everyone! And remember! We are not responsible for any property or physical damage!" Kaoru stroked the toys hand. "Amy, I think this show needs a theme song."

* * *

**A/N**

**I'd like to thank Dyslexic-Carmie for this idea. **

**Happy New Year everyone! Thanks a bunch for reading my story. **

**First country song: Before he Cheats  
Second: Crazy Ex Girlfriend**

**Reviews take 30 seconds but make my whole day!**

**Have a nice night everyone.**


	35. Chao: Party!

"It's that time of the week again and I can hardly believe you guys are still watching my show!" Kaoru laughed from where she was seated cross-legged on the stage. "Tonight we are going to have quite a few special guests today because the product we are selling needs tons!"

Kaoru stood up and went stand by the stage door. "You all know him; you all love him, Sonic the hedgehog!" Sonic waved to Kaoru from the middle of the stage and she glared at him. "No showing off!" She smiled again and turned back to the door. "Another guest we are having tonight is Miles "Tails" Prower!"

Tails walked in, looking very unsure of himself. "Are you sure I have to be here?" he asked Kaoru.

"Of course you have to be here! What am I? A liar?" She pushed him forward. "Next! Amy the hedgehog!" Amy ran in, immediately running for Sonic and nearly tackling him. "And last but not least! Ash the ferret!" Ash scurried in, looking around. She whispered something to Kaoru, who shook her head in response.

Cream ran on to the stage, "Kaoru, are you sure that this is a good idea?"

"All of my ideas are good ideas, Cream!" she answered cheerfully. "Haven't you been here long enough to know that already?"

"I...well...I'm not entirely sure that..."

"Do you plan on staying on the stage for the whole show? We sure could use more people!" Kaoru looked at her expectantly.

"Are you planning on telling me what I'm getting myself into before hand?" Cream asked her.

"Absolutely not!"

"Then no." Cream ran off stage. "Good luck everyone!"

"You know, we really need to get a live audience. That way when I introduce people, there is actual cheering and things." Kaoru shook her head. "Anyway! Of course we have a great toy idea today that can only bring love and happiness to everyone!"

"Cut the crap, Kaoru," Ash interrupted. "What do you have for us this week?"

"Don't you start acting like my director!" Kaoru yelled at her.

"I DO WHAT I WANT!" Ash yelled back to her.

Kaoru and Ash glared at each other, both refusing to look away.

Amy sighed. "Girls, girls you're both pretty," she said, causing everyone to laugh.

"As I was saying before I was so _rudely _interrupted. This week's toy is something that is bound to be the life of any birthday party, anniversary party, or even a retirement party! And _that _is why I brought a lot of guests on today, because we are going to be throwing a party!"

"Sonic?" Tails mumbled.

"From where I am standing there are at least six exits. If anything does wrong I can have us out of here in no time."

"Hey!" Amy yelled. "Don't forget about me!"

Sonic shrugged. "Why not?"

"And...you'd...you'd bring me, too. Right?" Ash asked. Everyone stared at her. "What did I ever do to you!"

"That's right! Only 348759490843098 achievements! I hope you play a lot of xbox!" Kaoru finished off her speech.

"You haven't even told them what the toy _is_ yet," Cream called to her. "You shouldn't be asking for money!"

"A problem easily remedied!" Kaoru turned around. "Ash!" Kaoru yelled, breaking up the argument that had started behind her. "Go get the box behind you!"

Ash grabbed the box and threw it to Kaoru, returning to her argument.

"This stuff breaks easily!" Kaoru sighed and smiled. "It's a good thing we don't know how old she is, because we'd probably judge her more if we did. Anywho! Today's toy is. Chao: Party!" She tore the box open. "In every box is five chao!"

"Wait! Kaoru!" Cream ran on stage. "Chao?" She looked into the camera and turned away from it, lowering her voice. "You promised you would make no more Chao toys after the Omochao incident."

"I have no memory of that! So, to turn on Chao party you say. "GARDEN PARTY!" Five chao flew out of the box, cheering wildly. "To make a full on blast just turn up the music!" Kaoru ran over to a large stereo, turning it on full blast. "NOW YOU JUST START DANCING AND LET THE CHAO DO THEIR THING!" Kaoru grabbed Ashes hand and twirled her around. Amy took this opportunity to pounce on sonic, pulling him into her arms and forcing him to dance with her. Tails decided to stair at the floor, shuffling his feet. When it seemed like nothing was going wrong Cream ran onstage and started dancing with him.

As soon as everyone started dancing, the Chao started splashing water over the "party guest." They cheered and flew low around the party, giggling everytime they splashed the water. Soon, everyone was able to loosen up, finally believing that nothing bad was going to happen. Ash and Kaoru were enjoying themselves by party dancing. Amy was forcing Sonic into a tango and Cream was letting Tails twirl her in circles. As the music got louder, the Chao started to fling more water and soon it got to the part of irritating.

"Kaoru turn it off!" Amy yelled as a chao began throwing bucketfuls in her face. She had ducked under a table to hide and Sonic grabbed Tails to make a break for it as soon as he was free.

"This is so awesome!" Ash yelled, running past a chao that was holding a fire hose on full blast.

"Of course," Kaoru yelled, finally turning to the camera, "we are not responsible for water damage! Or the painful peeling of skin!"

"KAORU!" Amy yelled. She was furious and her hammer was out and ready.

"WE RECOMMEND THE CHAO PARTY FOR OUTDOOR USE ONLY!" Kaoru yelled as she ran away.

"And that's it for this episode of Kaoru's Toyland," Ash smiled into the camera. "Peace!" she yelled, sticking out her tongue.

* * *

**A/N**

**I apologize for this chapter. I'm doped up on cold medicine. Thanks to Dyslexic-carmie for the idea. **

**Please review. **


	36. Sonic: Eats A Lot!

"Hey hey hey! It's Kaoru and this is another episode of Kaoru's Toyland!" Kaoru was sitting on the edge of the stage and smiling widely. "It has been brought to my attention that sometimes people make way too much food for their family." She shook her head. "I'll never be able to understand this. I always figured that all families had someone who would eat everything up. I mean...in my house we never have any left overs. Ash eats everything. Sometimes we don't even have enough food for me to eat; especially if she gets to it first...It's like..."

"KAORU!" the director yelled over the speakers.

Kaoru pouted, "I thought the days of you yelling at me were over." She sighed, "But the truth is, I _did _have a point. Since it seems that so many people have left overs that just go to waste and get thrown away I have built a toy that gets rid of this very problem. Introducing the Sonic: Eats a Lot!"

From behind her, an actual sized Sonic toy walked out from behind the curtains. He was sporting a bib with a lobster on it. "This toy comes with ten different bibs!" She said smiling. "So, say you made too much food for your family or your idiotic kid who doesn't like his or her veggies, then this toy has been specifically designed for you!" She put her arm around the Sonic. "This wonderful toy stays asleep on your roof most of the day and only wakes up when you need him. You have tons of food in your fridge from various days of the week when your family just didn't seem to want to appreciate your hard day of slaving over a hot stove? Just say 'Chow Time you Demon Muncher!' and he'll eat anything you made! It doesn't even matter whether the food was good or bad! But you better hope it's good because after he is done eating, he'll rate your food from one to ten! Depending on your score, he might Compliment you, Insult you, or something in between." Kaoru laughed loudly and clapped the toy on its back.

"And as with all of my toys, there is a little bit of extra fun built into them! For this toy, he may have a little bit of an eating problem." She laughed and rubbed the back of her neck, embarrassed. "Sometimes he over eats! Everything, sometimes even you, can look like a chili dog to him so he might start to munch on non-food items! Even if you tell him to stop! Now I know we haven't been doing a lot of happy customer videos lately, it's been brought to my attention by numerous complainers, so we've whipped up a few for you to enjoy! Here they are!"

* * *

A teenage girl was sitting on the floor of her kitchen. She seemed to be in the middle of painting her toe nails. "Oh-Em-Gee!" she yelled in a panic as the Sonic toy chewed hungrily on her hair. "This crazy toy my sis got is like, so totally eating my beautiful hair! Like, don't just stand there and film me! You should so, like, help me!"

Mcdonalds Guy was once again sitting inside of the McDonalds. He was sitting on the counter and laughing loudly. "Hah! My new eating toy is the best! It's like a Trained Kirby 'cept it's got no powers! He'll eat anything! Now, Sonic, eat that cockroach!" The Sonic chased after the cockroach and ate it. "Now go for that girl! Get her! Lawl!" He seemed incredibly impressed with the toy.

A woman was in the garden outside of her house and she seemed amazingly happy. "Yes, yes," she nodded as she pulled some weeds from her garden. "I absolutely love the new toy. I've been working in a restaurant for years and at the end of every day we have to throw away all the left overs, it makes the dumpsters really full and disgusting smelling but since I've bought the toy we've been able to dispose of it in a non toxic smelling way." She turned around, wiping the sweat off of her forehead. "I even bought one for the house. My children don't always appreciate the delicacies I serve them and now I have someone who does. He's great at complimenting. So I have to buy a new couch and kitchen table? I don't mind it as long as someone is eating the food."

* * *

"See how happy this toy has made everyone? So, of course, this wonderful toy is being sold for only 10...billion Wii Points!" She patted him on the back and whispered something in the toys ear. He proceeded to curl up in a ball on the floor next to her and go to sleep sucking his thumb.

So come on down to Kaoru's Toyland today and pick up one of these wonderful toys! Warning! Don't put this toy near that darn cooking toy! We find the one of the two outcomes can happen if you do: One, the toy will eat her food and then he will go on to insult it, or her, and the Blaze toy just might burn the Sonic toy to death. Or two, he will eat the food and, amazingly enough, compliment it, or her, and...well they hit it off and then neither of them gets any work done. If the second thing happens...well...let's just say you better hope you don't have the ex-girlfriend toy..." Kaoru laughed nervously.

"Anyway! Make sure you read all of the instructions and learn how to turn the toy off before any of your irreplaceable, one of a kind mementos get eaten! Thank for watching this episode of Kaoru's Toyland and make sure to watch it again next week!"

* * *

**A/N**

**I would like to thank Anon DragonRider for this idea. This person came up with the first two happy customer videos, the defect, the currency, and the problem with the Blaze toy! That's almost the whole thing! All I had to do was put a story to it and add in a few things here and there! **

**Anyway! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I hope you all review. They only take 30 seconds, but they make my whole day! **

**Have a great day and thanks for reading!**


	37. Kaoru's Toyland: Follow Up Toys!

When the show started, it was completely dark on stage. In the background, you could hear a few whispers from some of the stage hands. Suddenly a spotlight came on and Kaoru was standing on stage. "Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Kaoru's Toyland!" She was wearing a shirt, coat, tie, and a monocle. She was trying her hardest to look 'spiffy.' "Over the course of this show we have had a lot of request for follow-up toys and I've, frankly, never really paid that much of an attention to them, but this week they are getting noticed! That's right today I will be presenting 6 new toys that follow up on some of the older ones! Isn't that great?"

"So, let's go back about four months and put in the spotlight Cosmo: Grow it!" The spotlight on Kaoru clicked off and clicked on to her right, illuminating the old Cosmo: Grow it toy. "If everyone remembers this toy correctly, they will remember that it created a lot of man eating plants. To this day, there are still plants that it is too dangerous to walk near and we have finally created a solution!" Another spotlight lit up right next to the toy illuminating a Blaze toy of the same size. "We are now introducing Blaze: The PlantKiller!" Kaoru laughed from the darkness. "No! We could not think of another name!"

"This toy is perfect for killing the plants that have grown into monsters! And by that I mean that it will set the plants on fire until they wither away! Do you still want the plants that your Cosmo toy offers you? No problem! This toy comes with two settings! The first is fire, which kills the already homicidal plants, the second is extreme heat. We found that the plants don't grow into carnivorous monsters if you place them under extreme heat. So the Cosmo toy grows it and the Blaze toy will stop the growth at a nice and friendly level of beauty! Of course, this toy has a very short temper! So if you make it angry it will do two things! The first is to set your entire garden on fire which may or may not burn your whole neighborhood down; this depends on how fast you can alert someone. The second is that it will completely ignore your request and let your Cosmo toy grow its plants to the out of controlness that it now features!"

The spot lights went off and the stage was completely dark again. "Now we are going to fast forward to three weeks ago when we present the Amy: I'm Glad She's Not My Ex-Girlfriend!" The lights went up on the Amy toy near the back of the stage. "We have gotten quite a few requests for a boy version of this toy. Apparently a lot of girls watch my show! Who knew! So today I am presenting Vector: Horrible Ex-Boyfriend!" The spotlight went on over a Vector toy dressed in baggy pants, a backwards cap, and a long cold chain.

"Scenario time! Let's say that you had this ex-boyfriend who broke up with you via text message. Or let's say one day he just stopped calling you. Let's say he's the guy that you were on-again, off-again with and now you are ready to be through with him, but suddenly he's a crazy stalker that follows you around school and even changes his schedule to get into all of your classes! Well, our Vector toy is about 600 times worse! He will break into your home and hide in your bedroom closet! He will watch you sleep and even crawl into bed with you! He will track you down in your place of work and go all 'roid rage on you! He'll throw lamps and computers! He'll break windows with bricks and even hold your family hostage. And let's not even mention how he is prone to stealing all of your jewelry and sells it to pawn shops! You think you have ex-boyfriend problems? Well he just proves you wrong! Suddenly the creepy way your ex-boyfriend compliments you in group assessments isn't really all that creepy!"

Kaoru kept talking without waiting for the spotlights to turn off. "Now," she laughed, "who remembers the very unpleasant episode that was hosted by Shadow about 8 weeks into the show? Oh come on...You all got a big laugh out of it...I know you remember. Well, of course, that week we were selling Sonic: In A Box!" The spotlight came on to Kaoru's left and lit up a Sonic in a box, laying in fetal position. "For reasons beyond my imagination, this toy was incredibly popular, and I shudder to think what new ways you people found to torture the poor Sonic. For other reasons beyond my imagination, there have been requests for more people in a box and I have made the two most popular!"

Two spotlights came on, one on either side of the Sonic: In a box! "We are now stocking the NICOLE: In A Box! and the Sally Acorn: In A Box!" Both of the new toys were screaming at the top of their lungs, wanting out of the boxes."

"I just want to _live_! Let me out of here!" NICOLE yelled.

"We have to get to Eggman's base! How are we supposed to save the Mobius from inside of a box! Everyone is in _danger!" _Hearing this, NICOLE started yelling about having to help Sally and they continued in their own little worlds that was their boxes.

"Leave them in their long enough and their minds might explode!" Kaoru laughed. "Anyway! Enough of that noise! Let's turn off the lights and have some stage hands rush on stage to shut them up!" The lights went off and Kaoru hurried on. "One more toy! Whoo!"

"Now, who remembers when Charmy hosted the show? Everyone remembers my Omochao toy!" A light came on and it showed a Vector toy, holding an Omochao. "Well, it turns out that there happens to be _one thing_ that the Omochao _doesn't know!_ Isn't that fabulous? We've gotten a lot of letters telling us that Omochao apparently doesn't know where the computer room is! So our toy Vector: Find the Computer Room! This is for all of my poor viewers who can't find their computer rooms! You just turn this toy on by saying the words 'WHERE'S MY COMPUTER ROOM!' and then he'll..."

"FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!" Vector yelled from behind her.

"Well, yes. He'll do that..."

"FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!"

"And to turn him off you..."

"FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!"

"Yes...you..."

"FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!"

"SHUT UP!"

"FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!"

"THAT'S YOUR JOB!"

"Alright!" Vector posed. "LET'S FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!" He dropped the Omochao, accidentally activating it and ran to Kaoru. The spotlight followed him.

"OMOCHAO KNOWS EVERYING!"

"FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!"

"IT'S TIME FOR ALL OF YOU TO SHUT UP!"

Vector pulled on Kaoru's arm. "FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!"

"OMOCHAO KNOWS EVERYTHING!"

"OKAY! THAT'S ALL WE HAVE..."

"FIND THE..."

"KNOWS EVERYTHING!"

"AH! BYE!"

* * *

**A/N**

**I'd like to thank all of the people who gave me these ideas: **

**Kirbyisawesome: Blaze Toy to kill plants  
Sonic Speed Blue Blur 23: Vector ex-boyfriend  
Ultima: Nicole and Sally in a box  
An Anonymous Reviewer: Vector finds the computer room**

**Thanks a lot everyone! I hope you have enjoyed my chapter! It's almost like I don't come up with anything myself these days. And I probably won't for a while because of the long list of toys I have, but that just makes things easier on me. **

**Please review and have a good night! **


	38. Shadow: Cheer Me Up!

"Good evening everybody!" Kaoru yelled. Her tail was twitching and she was bouncing on the balls of her feet, clearly excited. "Can anyone guess why I am so happy? Can you? Can you? Can you? Of course you can't! Well, that's because I've just created a fun new project! We all know how there are holidays that celebrate people? You know! Mother's day! Father's day! President's day! Black History Month! Well, this week is now Shadow Appreciation Week!"

Kaoru cheered loudly and began bouncing faster! "SHADOW NEEDS LOVE!" She calmed herself a bit and smiled into the camera. "Can anyone believe that there has only been _one _toy in the _entire _history of the show that was based off of Shadow? For these two reasons reason, I have created six toys based off of our little friend and will present one of them for every day this week. On the seven day I will be showing a very special video about Shadow! So I hope that all of you are super excited and ready for this!"

Off-camera a stage hand pushed a very depressed looking miniature Shadow onto the stage. "Now look at that, everybody!" Kaoru said, standing the Shadow up; he only came up to her knees. The toy stared at the floor and pouted, crossing his arms. "Shadow is all sad because there is only one toy based off of him!"

Today we are introducing the new Shadow: Cheer Me Up! This poor little innocent Shadow toy is just a player in a game. As you can see, this guy is perpetually sad and to win this little game, you have to cheer him up!"

Kaoru sighed, "Unfortunately, cheering this guy up is nearly impossible. It's almost as impossible as catching the Sonic: Let's Play Tag! Fortunately, I said _nearly_ impossible which means that you still may have a chance at finding it." She tapped the Shadow on the nose to get his attention. "Each Shadow has its very on thing that it favors. My Shadow may enjoy dancing, while Carmen's Shadow enjoys knock-knock jokes, and even still, Ashleigh's Shadow may enjoy operas! The only way for you to find out what cheers him up is to try as many things as possible!"

Kaoru ran over to her radio and turned on a fast paced instrumental song. "Anyone want to Tango?" She asked loudly, running over to the Shadow. She tried to twirl in circles around him but shook her head. "Yeah...I don't know how to Tango...I can sing!" She pulled a remote out of the pocket of her hoody and pressed the next button, allowing the opening chords of Kryptonite to play. "I took a walk around the world with my friend Shadow!" she sang off-key. "He ran away and left me stranded out in...Colorado?...Cream! Does Shadow and Colorado rhyme?"

"Umm...not perfectly," Cream called to her.

Kaoru shrugged. "He doesn't seem to like singing anyway. Hmmm. I guess I can try to...I don't know! I'll figure it out while you watch some happy customer videos!"

* * *

A little girl was hopping on one foot while hola-hooping and juggling. Her Shadow was smiling happily as he watched her. "He loves this!" she yelled. "It took me forever to figure this out, but this is truly the one that makes him smile! I'm so glad I figured it out! The way he always frowns was bringing me down!"

McDonald's guy was sitting on the hood of his car as someone drove him through the drive-thru at McDonald's. "Look at me!" he yelled. "Look! And look at who's driving!" The camera man zoomed the camera in so that he could see the inside of the car. Shadow was sitting behind the wheel, laughing. "He can't stand driving, but it makes him ecstatic to drive while I ride on the hood! This is amazing!"

And old lady was crying as her Shadow stared at her with a deep frown. "I've tried everything! I've tried taking him in a hot-aired balloon! I've tried taking him to watch the sunset and look at rainbows! I've even bought him a pet duckling! It's adorable! But it only made him frown more! I don't know what to do!"

* * *

Kaoru was standing on her head with her tongue sticking out. "Hew ish he dowing, Cweam?" she asked, with her tongue still out. "Ish he smowlling?"

"No!" Cream called.

Kaoru and Shadow sighed simultaneously. Kaoru kicked herself back down and sat on the floor. Any other ideas?"

"You could try martial arts," Cream suggested.

"Nah...I don't think so. I could try to hula! Quick! Someone grab me my grass skirt and coconut bra!" she yelled. "Okay everyone! Come one down to Kaoru's Toyland today and buy a new Shadow: Cheer Me Up! This toy only cost 235 trillion Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cubes! Or 3,800 Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cubes, because I love those things! Everyone needs a companion!"

Suddenly, the Shadow fell over laughing. "That's it!" Kaoru said happily. "My Shadow loves weird currencies! This is so awesome!"

"Or he loves Companion Cubes," Cream suggested.

"WHO _DOESN'T?_" Kaoru looked into the camera. "Anyway. I would like to warn everyone who is watching the show that there are some things that you do that will only make the Shadow more irritable! And if he becomes irritable, he may...destroy things...so try not to do that...TUNE BACK IN TOMORROW FOR ANOTHER FABULOUS SHADOW TOY!"

* * *

**A/N **

**I'd like to thank WinterMuffin for pointing out to me that "SHADOW NEEDS LOVE!" and giving me this idea. I never really noticed that there was only one Shadow toy, which is weird considering that Kaoru has a crush on him and would most likely make a lot of toys based on him. However, I looked through my list of toy ideas that have been given to me and found that there are SIX toys and a non-toy Shadow idea on the list. I was already planning the non-toy idea and was going to have it ready for Valentine's Day, but now I want to do these first. So, I'll have these ready before then (hopefully.) **

**Happy February everyone. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **

**Please review. **


	39. Shadow: Rent a Date or Friend!

"Hi, friends! I'm Kaoru the Hare, this is Kaoru's Toyland, and it's Shadow Appreciation Week!" Kaoru cheered loudly and bounced on the balls of her feet. "Everyone loves Shadow and Shadow...tolerates...most people...Yay!"

Kaoru went behind the curtain at the back of the stage and pulled out a Shadow that was a few inches taller than the original Shadow. He was wearing a tux and looked quite dapper. "So, sometimes you need a date and can't get one! Just think about it! You haven't been home in a while and you were invited to your younger sister's wedding and your mom is just_ dying _to meet your current boyfriend. The only problem is...you _don't_ _have a boyfriend_!" She pouted a bit. "Apparently mothers do that...Or what about high school reunions or the weddings of old classmates? You don't want to look lame, so you need someone to pass off as your date."

"Okay! I'm sure you've all guessed it by now. We are offering this new toy, Shadow: Rent A Date!" She grabbed the Shadow's hand and held it firmly in yours. "It's for those people that know the only way to get their over-bearing mother off of their back is to pretend like you are engaged to the man of your dreams. For those people who refuse to be embarrassed and alone for _yet another_ wedding."

She dropped his hand and gestured toward him like Vanna White. "As you can see here, this Shadow toy is a little taller than the real Shadow. This is because my extensive studies show that most ladies like it when their boyfriends are taller than them. And you are probably also wondering why I chose Shadow to be the date toy. Well, my extensive studies have also shown that women like men who are mysterious...and sensitive...and wonderful...and..."

""But Kaoru! I don't need a date! My mother isn't over-bearing! I'm not easily embarrassed by my life as a single woman in front of all my old friends! How can this toy possibly appeal to me?" You are probably asking yourself. Well, the answer is simple! Our Shadow also comes in a casual version that is named. Shadow: Rent a Friend!"

She ran behind the curtains and returned with a Shadow that was wearing a T-shirt that said "All U need is Hugs!" "So you had a bad day at work and need someone to console you. You're best friend just flaked out on you so she can go party with her boyfriend on the sketchy side of town and now you have no one to watch The Little Mermaid with. That isn't a problem when you have a rented friend for the night!"

Kaoru put her arms over the Shadows' shoulders and smiled brightly. "So for one night, these Shadows will become your best friend or date and it's for that low low price that I mentioned earlier. And no, it isn't too expensive. I mean, can you really put a price on love or friendship?"

"Now, it's time for that little big of 'extra fun' that we are always talking about on Kaoru's Toyland. We all know that 'real friends' will tell you the truth and let you know when you are doing something strange...well...these Shadows take it to the next level! These Shadows will actually make fun of you! So let's hear about it from our happy customers!"

* * *

"What I don't understand, _Melissa_, is why he hasn't popped the question yet!" Some woman was yelling to her 25 year old daughter. "Don't you _want_ to get married? If you wanted to get married you would've gotten married by now! You are 23 years old? You do _not _need a college degree. A woman's only goal should be to get married and have children. Isn't that what you believe?"

"Yes, mother," the daughter said to her, staring at the ground.

Shadow was studying his hands. "It's because of that stupid way she twirls her hair around her finger. And probably the fact that she can't sit down at a table without having three servings of ice cream. And the way that she pops her gum. It's amazing that I'm here with her at all. She's embarrassing."

"Hahaha! Oh-Em-Gee! Look at your shoes!" a shadow was laughing at a girl with Dorothy shoes. "They are like sooooooooo sparkly! How can you stand to look at things so fricken sparkly!" On the tv behind him, The Wizard of Oz was on.

"SHUT UP SHUT UP!" A girl with braids yelled at a Shadow doll who was leaning against the wall across from her. "He's so mean!" the girl yelled. "He said my braids make me look 12 years old! I'm a 32 year old woman! AND MY BRAIDS ARE ADORABLE! MY MOTHER BRAIDS MY HAIR EVERY NIGHT AND SHE THINKS THAT THE BRAIDS ARE FABULOUS AND FASHION FORWARD!"

* * *

"As you can see, the toy is totally worth it. He acts just like the real Shadow! And trust me, going on a date with him would be so awesome." Kaoru batted her eyelashes. "So come on down to Kaoru's Toyland today and pick up your very own Shadow: Rent a Date/Friend. We at Kaoru's Toyland are not responsible for hurt feelings, tongues turning blue, or fingers falling off. Also, you probably shouldn't piss off the Shadow Doll or he'll be someone worthy of an "I'm glad he's not my ex boyfriend," toy."

"Bye everyone! See you tomorrow!"

* * *

**A/N**

**I'm not really sure I like this chapter. I liked the toy idea but I think my brain may have been just a little too burnt out. Thanks bunches to Dyslexic-Carmie and -keyblade-bearer for the toy ideas. I hope that everyone enjoyed this chapter! **

**Please review. **


	40. Shadow: Computer Hacker!

"Hello everyone! I'm Kaoru the Hare! This is my show Kaoru's Toyland which tells you which new toys are now available at my toy store also named Kaoru's Toyland! And the most important part of this intro: It's Shadow Appreciation week!"

She bounced up and down on the balls of her feet. "So, I've had a few problems with stage hands not wanting to be on stage with me. BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL A BUNCH OF WIMPS!" She cleared her throat. "And Cream has to stay off stage to 'direct' so we've recently acquired some new on-stage help. That will hopefully make the show more interesting. Just thought all of you should know that in case you happen to see her. Introductions later! Let's get on with the show!"

"We all know how our lovely friends around here are in video games, because who would buy these toys if they weren't, I mean no one is going to buy a Kaoru toy, and sometimes on these video games they are asked to do things that don't really seem possible. Well, I have the research team and the technology to get some of these things done. Don't ask me how I afford it, because I won't tell you! My connections are my best kept secret!"

Behind her, a ginger cat with a white muzzle and white stripes on her tail ran across the stage. Her long ginger hair, a shade lighter than her fur, also had a white stripe in it. She didn't seem to be there for any reason, but she sat on the floor and put her hair in a ponytail, her blue eyes glittered with gold in the lights.

"Umm, Kaoru," Cream whispered from off-stage.

"Right! Anyway! Today we are presenting the brand new toy, Shadow: Computer Hacker! That's right with one karate-chop from this brand new toy will instantly hack any computer that you want to get into! Or, you know, if you aren't stealthy enough to find and get into someone's computer room, you can let Shadow hack your own computer and you'll be able to find any information that you may need! Though it is slightly less fun..."

The cat behind Kaoru jumped up and ran behind the curtains at the back of the stage. She reappeared pushing a table with a computer on it and ran back behind the curtains, returning quickly with a box, tearing it open.

"Kaoru?" Cream whispered again.

"So let's say that you have a crush on this guy at school and you want to hang out with him but he doesn't know that you exist. What should you do? Just sit around and hope that he eventually talks to you? Of course not! Use your imagination! Take some initiative! Let Shadow hack your computer and he'll find your crush's address and phone number for you. Now you can show up at his house, introduce yourself, and hit it off. Or you can call him up, pretend it's a wrong number, start up a completely random conversation, hit it off, and live happily ever after!"

Kaoru turned and stopped short when she realized that everything behind her was already set up. "Excellent! That means it's time for a demonstration! Star?" The cat walked up to Kaoru and smiled into the camera. "Everyone, this is Star! She's an old friend and she came to me looking for a job so she is our new demonstrator slash stagehand!" Kaoru bowed away and sat in the computer chair, rolling away from the desk.

"Uh...Okay! Great!" Star laughed nervously. "This Shadow is nearly 100% cooler than the actual Shadow and here's why." She ran over to the Shadow toy and squeezed its finger. "Shadow!" she ordered. "We need to find out what Eggman is up, too!"

The Shadow doll walked over to the computer and karate chopped it. "What exactly are we looking for?" he asked.

Star looked at Kaoru, waiting for an answer. "Hetalia videos!" Kaoru yelled. "From the year 2024."

Shadow typed something into the computer and walked over to Kaoru, pushing her so that she was in front of the computer. "There," he said stiffly.

"Wow," Kaoru sighed. "I'll...I'll watch this...let's take a look at the videos of those people that we show."

* * *

"Oh yeah," McDonalds guy said, leaning close to a computer screen. "That's the stuff. I can't believe that Shadow was able to get me to this!" The camera man moved around McDonalds guy and showed what he was looking at over his shoulder. Somehow McDonalds guy was now ordering 2,385 _free_ large orders of french fries. "This is fabulous," McDonalds guy mumbled, drooling a bit.

A very nervous looking girl was shuffling her feet in front of a very large house. She knocked, waiting for an answer but none game. "I was able to find the house," the girl said quietly. "But I guess Shadow can't hack a computer to make the people be here when I come to see them." She sighed. "Maybe I can ask Shadow to hack into their security systems so that I can watch the cameras and make sure they are here next time."

"If I can hack into the library's computer system, do you think I'll be able to move my name to the top of all the waiting lists? I don't want to wait 12 weeks to read The Fault in Our Stars! It's been number one on the New York Times Best Seller list for 3 weeks now! I _have to _read it _now! _Stupid waiting lists have to ruin everybody's fun. I will never be on the bottom of another waiting list ever again."

* * *

Kaoru didn't take her eyes off of the screen when she started talking. "This toy only cost 8,389,283 Keyblades. So make sure that you come one down to Kaoru's Toyland today to get your very own Shadow: Computer Hacker! You should all know that the farther away you sit from your computer in your computer chair the faster the Shadow Toy will go as he's bringing you to the computer. That being said, Kaoru's Toyland is not responsible for any computer chair related injuries...Or any injuries that occur because you pissed off the Shadow toy." Kaoru looked into the camera seriously, "You really shouldn't do that. All of my Shadow toys have short tempers. And unless you want your computer destroyed, don't make him angry." She turned back to the screen. "I think that's everything," she said waving away the camera. "Of course, you should always read the instructions and warnings and all that jazz. Now go away."

* * *

**a/n**

**I'd like to thank Sonic Speed Blue Blur 23 for this toy idea. And I'm also going to thank CharmyXCream14 for letting me use her OC Star in two of my stories. I also want to thank everyone for taking their time to read this chapter and story. **

**Reviews take 30 seconds but make my whole day! **


	41. Shadow: Fortune Cookies!

A shadow that writes fortunes for fortune cookies

When the screen faded in on the set Cream and Star were wearing a Kimono and dancing around on the stage. "Oh! It started! Shh!" Cream hissed at Star.

"Oh hi, Jimmy!" Cream said as if she were a bad actor reading off of a script. "These fortune cookies are lame. Mine says that I will be the king of Ireland! What a horrible fortune!"

"I know, Johnny!" Star said, in an equally bad acting voice. "Mine says that I'll be a millionaire! Which is even worse! I never want to have another fortune cookie ever again!"

Kaoru ran on stage. "Has this ever happened to you?"

"Whoa!" Star said. "Who are you random rabbit?"

"I'm the answer to your prayers! I am the creator of awesome fortune cookies!"

"How do we know you're telling the truth?" Cream asked her.

"Well, I am the Host and Toymaker of Kaoru's Toyland and I've made a fabulous fortune cookie toy! Here's my card!" Kaoru reached into the pocket of her hoody and pulled a card from her pocket, handing it to Star.

"This is gift card for a tanning salon," she said, reading it.

"No matter! Because I can show you my fortune cookies right now!" Kaoru reached into the pockets of her hoody and produced five fortune cookies all with a Shadow logo on the side. "Yesterday, I made a Shadow doll and locked him in a fortune cookie factory. Now the wonderfully dark and deep Shadow is being forced to write fortune cookies!"

She held out her hands so that Cream and Star could each pick a cookie. "So, what do they say?" she asked excitedly.

Cream opened hers and read the fortune aloud. "I see you making me a sandwich. No. Really. Go make me a sandwich." She stayed silent for a few minutes reading the fortune to herself. "Oh...Wow! That's...the best fortune in the whole wide world!"

"I see a box of chocolates in your future," Star read, "Too bad your sister will eat them...Ah man! That sucks! The fact that my sister is going to each my chocolates, not the fortune. The fortune is the best!"

Kaoru smiled widely and opened up her own cookie, dropping the cookie part on the floor. "You're really not that awesome." Kaoru crumpled hers up and threw it on the floor. "No fair! Mine was broken! I should pay him enough so that my fortunes don't end up all broken and stuff!"

"You pay him?" Cream asked, slightly surprised.

"No! But I am his master and he should make me the best fortunes!" Kaoru crossed her arms over her chest and started to pout.

"Do we really have time for that?" Cream asked, walking off of the stage.

"No! So, when you walk into Kaoru's Toyland you will see that there are 5 large bins full of fortune cookies. You go in, grab a bag with Shadow's face on it, dig your hands around in the bins, pick 10 fortune cookies, and take your bag to the checkout counter. You are only allowed to buy ten cookies at a time! Then cookies should cost 494,490,395,329 pin wheels! The fortune cookies come in Chocolate, Banana blast, Vanilla, Cream Cheese, Cookie Dough, Jalapeno, Salsa, Bacon Cheddar, Dr. Pepper, Paprika, Grass, Bottom of the shoe, Bathroom floor, butterscotch, lima bean, lime, lemon, lemon drop, lemon meringue, lemon scented candle, apple pie, apple strudel, apple pound cake, apple sause, apple juice, dirt, earwax, German chocolate cake, guacamole, coffee, espresso, feather pillow, carbonated, sea water, gumbo, shrimp, chicken, cherry, pineapple, eyeball, toe jam, salt, taco, pepper, garlic, cannibal, and so many more flavors!"

"Well, we are about halfway done with the show, so it's time to have some videos of our happy customers! Hit it!"

* * *

Some woman was sitting on floor, ripping open a fortune cookie. She tossed the cookie on the floor and held the fortune close to her face. "Ow...Stop pressing so hard." The woman dropped the fortune to the floor. "Oh my goodness! I am so sorry!" she apologized to the fortune. "I didn't mean to hold you so hard! It's just that I shake a lot and I have to be able to hold you steady! And I'm sorry for putting you close to my face! I know I probably breathed on you or something, but I lost my glasses and I can't really see. Hello? Are you ignoring me now?"

"I see a great upheaval and disaster upon the Earth. Oh. You don't make it." The woman that was holding the fortune started to breathe heavily. "Oh...Oh...I...I have...I can't..." he hand was on her chest. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" she sobbed loudly. "I'm such a good person! Yesterday, when I was driving down the street I gave a filthy hobo the last bite of my cheeseburger! He's so dirty! Don't you understand that! He got mud all over my new manicure! Why do I have to die? Someone who didn't give a hobo the last bite of their burger should die instead!"

A young green dog walked up to a vending machine and put in a dollar. "Now let's see..." he mumbled to himself. "What do I want...Oh...They're out of cheetohs..." he pressed the change return and took out the money. "WHAT! They only gave me 75 cents back! Where's my other quart...Oh, here it is. Okay." He pocketed the money and walked away.

* * *

"A cavalcade of zombie babies are coming to eat your brains," Kaoru read aloud. "That's...awesome! I would love to meet zombie babies!" She sighed happily, "I'm so glad I made this toy." She ripped open another fortune cookie, "I don't give a flying, fat-free fladoodle about your future!" Kaoru threw it on the ground and stomped on it. "I hate this toy!" She stopped for a moment. "Just because I hate it doesn't mean that you shouldn't come buy it. Because you should. It's a wonderful toy and I guarantee that you will love it. Yes? Great!"

"Now, as everyone should know we are not responsible for that fact that you may start foaming at the mouth if you actually eat the cookie part of this toy. So come on down to Kaoru's Toyland today to get your own Shadow: Fortune Cookies!"

* * *

**A/n **

**Carmen gave me this idea. Just saying. Do you have anything to add Carmen? **

**C/N**

**And then if he's really mad, he gets his southern accent back. **


	42. Shadow: Tea Time!

Kaoru was standing on stage wearing a sweater vest. Her hands were clasped in front of her and she had on a creepy smile. "Hello boys and girls. Welcome to another episode of Kaoru's Toyland. You might remember me from some other documentaries like How to Pop Your Pimples and How to Get That Thing Out of Your Nose. Well today we are going to have a special called How to Have a Tea Party."

Star ran across the stage and opened the curtains, revealing a small table with small chairs all set up with a small tea set. She put on a large flowery hat and sat down in one of the chairs.

"Many people in the world think that tea parties are for little girls that like to dress up and drink pretend tea. Well today I am here to tell you that tea parties can be for manly men that like to drink real tea! Like the British! Of course, no one British is here today so you are going to have to settle for a normal manly man. Shadow!"

A Shadow doll came out, walking on stage. He was wearing a tuxedo with tails and elegant white gloves.

"That's not the clothes I put on you!" Kaoru yelled at Shadow before turning to Cream. "That is not the clothes I put on him! Who changed his clothes?"

"Kaoru, you can't really expect Shadow, even if it's just a doll, to wear the clothes you had on him. I had Star change him, though I didn't really expect her to put him in this..."

"Of course I expect Shadow to...This will have to do for now. Star! Go get another one, we'll have them both at the tea party. I'll start offering this outfit as a part of the toy, too. Someone needs to call the factory and have them mass producing tuxedos." Kaoru was clearly frustrated with what was happening on the show.

Star ran out of the back stage door and Cream was heard giving instructions to a few stage hands that shortly followed after Star. As everyone was rushing around stage, Kaoru started talking to the Shadow toy and guided him to the table. She pulled out his chair for him and poured him a cup of tea.

"Always remember that your guest should be taken care of. In this instance, Shadow is the guest and deserves to be served tea since he arrived on time, even if we aren't ready. Now someone of you may be asking, 'But Kaoru, why would you make a toy where Shadow was a tea party guest?' That's an easy question to answer unnamed viewer. You all know as well as I do that while filming Free Riders Shadow was unable to speak for who knows what reason and so he had to have someone voice act for him. And all of you know that this voice actor really didn't sound anything like the real Shadow, but he sure did make a great Shadow. He sounded suave and dark and mysterious and sometimes even a little British which gave me the idea of a tea drinking Shadow."

She sat down in the chair across from Shadow and continued talking. "Using some technology that Tails so graciously was able to figure out for me, I was able to remove the voice from the game and make it more British without actually removing the suaveness, darkness, or mysteriousness from the voice. This means I have created the perfect Tea Time companion. It's easier to show you than to tell you!"

* * *

"Tea Time Shadow? Yeah. I heard of that. I think my husband bought it for our daughter." The young woman stepped out of the doorway to let in the camera crew and gestured down the doll where a little girl was heard crying. The crew ran down the hallway and bursts into the little girl's room. She was curled in a corner with her hands over her ears. Tea was dripping from the walls and a set was lying on the floor. Near the window of the little girl's room Shadow was yelling "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW THE QUEEN? YOU THINK YOU CAN SIP THE QUEEN'S DRINK WITHOUT KNOWING HER PERSONALLY? WHAT THE MESS IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"And honestly I don't think she could be more wrong," Shadow was saying to a giggling child. "If she wanted to wear the blue dress she should've worn the blue dress. She can't let others dictate what she's going to wear. And between you and me, that purple dress was absolutely horrifying." Shadow took a sip of the tea and sighed with satisfaction. "If she can't make her own choices she's going to be left behind in this world, believe you me it is almost written in stone."

The last video showed a Shadow in a flowery dress with a little blue hat on. The hat had a daisy on the front and Shadow was string at himself in a spoon. "Quite right, quite right. I do think there should be another flower on this house. It is just incomplete without it. Where do you think I can get another flower?"

"I don't know, Shadow, I..."

"DON'T YOU GET IT?" Shadow yelled, throwing tea in his host's face. "I AM MRS. NIZBET!"

* * *

"And all of this can be yours for only 489,349,409,483 blood cells! Remember everyone don't make Shadow angry and...well, there's something new occurring with the British-sounding Shadow. Make sure the British Shadow goes no where near the regular Shadow toys because the British Shadow will start an argument about how the British are better than American's and that the toy market should be completely dominated by British toys. And then the issues of the games being taken over by the British...It's a huge mess. And never put the two together on July 4th. Really, it's a mess." Kaoru shook her head. "Anyway! Doesn't matter! Tea Time instructions come with the toy. Please read all warnings because we are not responsible for 3rd degree burns!"

"That's all we have time for today at Kaoru's Toyland! Bye everyone!"

* * *

**A/N **

**Of course, this is where I thank the people who have better ideas than I do. In this case, BinaryHedgehog. Thanks for the idea of a Tea Time Shadow and please get rid of the Sonic I'm Waiting doll. He's driving me insane! **


	43. Shadow: Player 2!

"Hey! I'm Kaoru and I don't have a witty way to start off this episode! Whoooooo!" Kaoru laughed loudly and nodded at someone off stage. "So I guess that means we should get this party started!" She skipped over to a small table in the center of the stage and picked up what looked like an Xbox controller. "This is a controller that I stole from Tails's house. This is the key to the future of Kaoru's Toyland...Or at least the future of this one toy. So who here can guess what the new toy is?"

Kaoru waited expectantly, staring creepily into the camera. "WRONG! You are _wrong _sir! It is right there, black and white, clear as crystal! Our new toy is _obviously_ Shadow: Player 2! And by that name you can tell me exactly what he does, right? RIGHT! This toy is a toy that will play video games with you! Ever have those Forever Alone days when all your friends are out on hot dates and leave you hanging to play video games all by yourself? This is the solution!"

Kaoru waited as Star led the toy onto the stage. It took a while because she had to push him in a rolling chair and have Cream push a TV with them. The Shadow toy refused to take his eyes off of the TV screen, so he wouldn't stand up to walk himself. He was wearing a T-shirt that said "Talk Gamey To Me," and had on a pair of thick-rimmed classes. He was leaning forward and jamming down the buttons of the controller as hard as he could.

"What's he playing?" Kaoru asked Star.

Star rolled her eyes. "Shadow the Hedgehog."

"Anywho!" Kaoru laughed. "This is what's important. Shadow: Player 2! cost 387,389,589 Gigabytes! He's fun for the whole family and loves playing video games! The only problem though is that he only plays Dark games. If you try tom make him play anything else he will refuse to play it...Or he may destroy your TV. It kind of depends on whether he likes you or not."

Kaoru walked over to Shadow and waved a hand in front of his face. He swatted her hand away and kept playing. "Of course, you really shouldn't turn him on until you are ready to start playing. Otherwise he completely takes over the game system and you may never snap him out of it. If you do happen to accidentally leave him on the best bet would be for you to grab his arm," she demonstrated, grabbing his arm tightly. "And then what you need to do is..." she reached over and pressed the power button, immediately Shadow freaked out.

He started screaming and flailing around, trying to get out of Kaoru's grasp. They both ended up wrestling on the ground and trying to one up the other. It didn't take long for Kaoru to pin the still flailing toy. "Hurry Star!"

Star picked up the controller that Shadow had dropped on the floor. She pointed the controller at Shadow and pushed in what seemed to be a cheat code. When she was done, she smiled widely and put the controller on the chair. Shadow was now lying still beneath Kaoru and she stood up, dusting herself on.

"Well then," Kaoru laughed. "I hope you all know martial arts. And well. I made him to where I would barely be able to beat him. And I have black belts." She smiled down at the toy. "The cheat to turn him off in case of an emergency is in the instructions booklet. To turn him off normally, all you have to do is say 'Game Over.' However! This only works if one of you have won the game and or saved it. It won't work when he is playing by himself."

* * *

"Taylor! Taylor! Get off of the game machine! It's time for dinner!"

"Uh-huh! Okay mom!" Taylor answered, hitting save. "Game over." The Shadow next to him curled up into a little ball and fell asleep. Taylor looked up and seemed surprised when he noticed the cameras in his room. "Oh. Hello there," he laughed. "I guess I finally get to be in a video. Um. I bought this toy, because. Um. Well. My girlfriend dumped me because I played too much and now she doesn't want to be my player 2 anymore. Shadow is ten times better than she ever was anyway. Yeah! That's right Melissa! Shadow is better than you're ever going to be!"

A young girl was watching Shadow play the video game from behind him. She shook her heads at the cameras. "I honestly don't even know how he got turned on. I'm pretty sure I was the only one in the house. I think he turned himself on. I don't think I'm going to be able to turn him off. Do any of you think you're strong enough to handle him?"

"Don't you think it's better to just watch him?" a teenage girl was telling her boyfriend. "Just turn him on and let him play. We'll learn the story line and it'll go by faster. You're not good enough and it takes forever with you...Come on...Just turn him on..."

* * *

"I really should rethink the suggestibility levels that some of these things have," Kaoru mumbled. "I just don't think that they are high enough." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Anyway, I think it's about that time where we have to say goodbye. Remember kids, Shadow is addicted to video games and trying to put him through rehab may be bad for your health! Also, warning: My crazy outweighs my pretty. For example."

She turned the Shadow toy back on and he immediately ran for the game, beginning to play it. She grabbed his wrist firmly and motioned for Star to turn off the console. As soon as she did, Kaoru dropped Shadow's wrist and he stared at her angrily before he pounced at her, starting another fight.

* * *

**A/N**

**Thanks to Sonic Speed Blue Blur 23 for giving me this idea and letting me use it. Great ideas, people! Great ideas! **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and please review. **


	44. Shadow: Accent Extraordinaire!

"Okay, everyone! Welcome to Kaoru's Toyland where we make all of your dreams a reality! We try our hardest to make what our research said will be the toys you will most likely appreciate a solidified piece of accomplishment! But I'm giving you this introduction for no real reason because we all know that you know who I am and there isn't much for me to tell you!"

Kaoru clapped for a few moments, obviously proud of her popularity. "We are coming up to the end of Shadow appreciation week and there is one more toy we will be introducing, but before we get to that I want to show you a small clip that aired on the news last week, in case you missed it. First, you should let me explain. A while back we had critics here at Kaoru's Toyland and it was pretty much a big mess. Well, a few of those critics have TV shows and I picked my favorite clip and sent it to the news station anonymously. Of course, they aired it because I'm s wonderful person."

Kaoru's tilted her head to the side and thought for a moment. "Come to think of it, I've been getting a lot of great press lately...Anyway, let's roll that clip!"

* * *

"I don't really understand why so many people are in love with this store, with this show," the news anchor was telling her co-anchor. "The host and so called 'toymaker' is down right insane. Her currencies don't make sense and the toys have horrible malfunctions that can destroy whole cities? And yet, people continue to shop there. What do you think is so appealing to all of her viewers and fans?"

"One of the things I've heard people say is that she's funny," her male co-anchor commented. "She has this funny innocence about her. Some people are saying that her ideas are so ridiculous that they can't help but buy her toys, because how bad can they really be? They turn out ten times worse than what she shows and no one complains because she warned them. Then they are saying that the toys are appealing because they are hilariously brilliant. Who else would think of these things? And apparently there are many more reasons to watch this show. In fact, we've received a tape yesterday. Let's play the clip."

"And that's why I was so excited to visit the show and see it in action!" an excited young girl was yelling. "I mean, who wouldn't want to meet _The_ Kaoru of Kaoru's Toyland. She's charismatic and wonderful. And oh em gee. Her and Shadow make _the_ cutest couple. That's the main reason I wanted to go. I was hoping Shadow would be there and I would be able to witness their chemistry! He wasn't though! Slightly disappointed but I can't complain. The show is amazing! I've bought every single toy they have every sold!" She screamed in fangirl voice and danced around excitedly. "_The _cutest couple!"

The camera switched back to the news anchors, and the woman was shaking her head. "So young girls like the show because of the romance on it?"

The man laughed. "Of course not! There is absolutely no romance on this show whatsoever! Fans are taking what they see and making things up! It's like bad fanfiction! We have no idea what is going on!"

"Well hopefully one day this show will be put to an end! It's an abomination and deserves to be removed from the air! We'll talk about the petition for that after the break."

* * *

"Amazing, right?" Kaoru laughed. "It always tickles me when people who don't watch my show comment on it. Anyway! I promised a new toy, didn't I? Introducing the last toy of Shadow Appreciation Week, Shadow: Accent Extraordinaire!"

Star ran across the stage, bringing out a Shadow do that was wearing a beret and a monocle. He was holding a pizza in one hand and had chopsticks on the other. "This Shadow is going on sell for 38,383,838 potato clocks!" Star spoke quickly. "He can speak on 65 different accents and can even act as your accent coach!"

"Need to speak in a southern accent for that new movie you want to be in? Want to learn a German accent so you can freak out the unknown numbers that call your cell phone? Want to learn a Chinese accent so you can yell at the people in your local Chinese restaurant for trying to pass off orange chicken as tangerine chicken? This toy is for you!"

"And not only that!" Star continued. "He's easy to turn on and easy to use! Just press his monocle and bam! He's on!" She pressed his monocle and took a step back.

"Holy moly!" Shadow said in an Italian accent. "That's-a good-a pizza!"

"You just let him know what accent you want to learn and he'll give you lessons!" Kaoru looked down at her watch. "Of course, we don't have time for a demonstration of that right now, but I will admit that this is one of my toys that doesn't have any extra fun. Doesn't that suck? The only weird thing about this toy is that he'll start yelling at you in many different languages if he thinks you aren't doing the accents good enough or if you mispronounce a word. It's fine though. Not really that bad. The scariest thing he can do to you is yell at you in German. Which, trust me, if you heard a German person, you'd understand! Scary language!"

* * *

**a/n **

**There's a joke that goes "If you want to yell at a person, do it in German. They could be yelling 'I love you! Here are some flowers!' and I'd still pee myself." SO take that as you will. **

**Thanks to Sonic Speed Blue Blur 23 for giving me this idea. **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and please review.**


	45. Hammer Time: Whack A Amy!

When the show started, a wild laughter was coming from behind the closed curtains and Kaoru was trying to yell over the laughter.

"For the love of! Star! You can't play with the toy unless you bought it! Put the hammer down!" Suddenly, another fit of laughter was heart. "...Fired! Do you hear me? Put down the hammer or you are fired!"

"That's so not fair!"

"It _is _fair! We are supposed to be preparing for a show, but you are way too busy playing with the toy to work on the show! I'm going to tell your mother!"

"Oh no you aren't!"

"Do you wanna bet on it?"

"No!" Star came running from behind the curtains, but stopped short when she noticed all the cameras. "And just so you know! The show has started and now everyone knows how much of a jerk you are!" Star yelled before running out the stage door.

Kaoru pushed her way through the curtains and smiled, talking through her teeth. "Cream, you were supposed to tell me when the show started."

"I tried! You guys were being so loud! Besides! I didn't know you were going to threaten to fire her! What has been up with you lately?"

"Just a little stressed," Kaoru sighed. "Okay, everyone. We're going to do the show now, and you're all going to love it."

She pulled opened the curtains and revealed a large game with an even larger hammer sitting next to it.

"This, of course," she explained, "is the Hammer Time: Whack-A-Amy and you get to whack an Amy! The Whack-A-Amy toy is a kind of arcade game. There are four holes, where four Amys will pop out and you have to hit them with the Piko Piko Hammer before they hit you with two Mega Piko Piko Hammers, each! The game goes on until you get all the Amys a Sonic picture which are sold separate for 904,568 chocolate bars each!" Kaoru picked up the hammer and held it out in front of her. "As you can see, the hammer isn't attached to the game! That's because it is sold separately to! The hammers cost 7,842,290,425 cell phone minutes! I think that that is fairly reasonable, don't you?" She set the hammer back down and sat on top of the game. "It's a fairly cheap game if you buy it by itself. We wanted to keep the price as low as possible since we are selling so many things separate." Kaoru had crossed her legs and started examining her fingernails. She seemed really relaxed considering the fact she was talking about money. "We tossed around a few numbers, threw a lot of them out the window. It's a very delicate process. Anyway! The price is only 708 Mario Kart games. Or a few more, depending on the day."

Kaoru jumped off of the game and pulled her ears down to the side of her face and batted her eye lashed. "But Kaoru!" she said in a really high voice. "Can't I just use any ol' hammer and the game continue as normal!" She released her ears and smiled widely. "No worries! We already thought about that! You can only use our Piko Piko hammer because regular hammers won't harm them! That's right! I'm always on top of my game! And don't worry! The game starts once you open the box, so make sure you have the hammer ready!"

* * *

There was a little boy sitting in front of the game in what looked like his living room. He was on crying loudly as the four Amys in the game continued to hit him with their hammers. One was cackling loudly, two were in their fire of anger, and the last looked really bored, just hitting him out of habit as she yawned. "I only wanted to play!" the little boy wailed loudly. "I just...I wanted...I just want to play! It's not my fault that my parents never bought me the hammer!"

A random father was standing in front of the Hammer Time in the perfect hitting Amys stance. He was in the zone and hitting the Amys perfectly. By all accounts, he seemed to be winning the game. "I got it! I got it! I GOT IT!" he screamed every time he bonked an Amy on the head and sent her running back into her hole. The only problem with the scene was that the father was swinging the hammer around widely. He would make a nearby lamp or vase fall over and even caused the ceiling fan to fall to the ground. Around him, a bunch of kids were watching him play. Every single of them had broken teeth.

McDonald's guy wasn't sitting in McDonald's for the first time since he appeared on the show. He seemed to be sitting on a very worn and torn up couch. Next to the couch sat the game, but instead of Amys popping out of the holes on top of the game, hamburgers, chicken nuggets, and fries were flying through the air and landing on his lap. The last hole had a very large and long straw protruding from it leading to his mouth. He was smiling happily as he stuffed fries in his mouth. "Yup, that's right," he told the camera between bites. "I was able to convert the toy into my very own McDonald's. Wicked, eh?"

* * *

"That's absolutely all we have time for today so I'm going to rush all the closing stuff and what not. Warning! Play at your own risk! We are not responsible for any kind of damage whatsoever. We are going to pay for any kind of medical or dental bills so don't even try that mess with me! I'm sure there is a whole bunch of stuff I need to tell you but I can't think of it right now! Ummm! Stop, drop, and role! Obey your parents! Tip your waitresses! Stop doing the thing dreaded most by fanfiction writers! The "Fav and Run", stop at red lights, review all fanfiction, and turn off the lights as you leave the room! Bye everyone!"

* * *

**A/N**

**I'd like to thank Pokic for giving me this idea and I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. **

**DFTBA and please review and all that!**


	46. Eggman: Stretching Out Clothes!

Since Eggman is so big, he'll stretch them out for you.

"Hi everyone! I'm Kaoru the Hare founder, toymaker, host, and owner of Kaoru's Toyland!" She walked over to the camera and peered into it, making it look as if she were making eye contact with the audience. "Sorry," she said. "Still looks like you are working off some of that extra Valentine's day weight. Well! If that's true, then I have the perfect product for you!"

She skipped back to the stage excitedly. "Our new product is out and about and it is called Eggman: Stretching Out Clothes! And don't worry, everyone! This product isn't just for working off the extra Valentine's day weight! Let's say that you just got back from America and have put on a lot of weight eating all the awful and unhealthy junk that preys on the weak over there. And let's be honest, you put on quite a lot of pounds. So, you're back in your home town and now all your little French Maid outfits just won't fit you anymore. What are you going to do? You get the Eggman: Stretching Out Clothes!"

Kaoru nodded at start to open the curtains which swung back to show an extra-large-around-the-middle Eggman doll. "As you can see, this is life-sized. We followed Eggman for days, guessing his measurements until we were able to get them just right. It's uncanny isn't it? It's almost impossible to tell them apart," she said, gesturing to the Eggman that was clearly at least twice as round as the original.

Behind her, Star was writhing on the ground, covering her eyes. "Kaoru?" she choked out.

"Hmmm?" the hare asked absentmindedly.

"Why is he naked!" she screamed, still covering her eyes.

"He's not naked!" Kaoru defended, running up to the Eggman. "Look!" she pointed at Eggman's general "area." "He's wearing a fig leaf! He's covered properly!"

"Why isn't the backside covered!"

"The backside isn't improper!"

"I beg to differ!"

"Look, okay. It doesn't matter. He's naked because you are going to be putting clothes on him to stretch them out. It would be a whole lot harder to put new clothes on him if he already has clothes on. And if I would've put clothes on him I would've forgot to put on the fig leaf and then you would've gotten a very sick surprise when you took off all of his clothes."

Star crawled to the front of the stage and hung her legs over the edge, putting her head between her knees. "I'll never be the same again," she groaned.

"HEY!" Kaoru yelled back. "I've been working with that for three months and I'm just fine!"

Star shook her head. "You're crazy."

"Anyway, as I'm sure you all can tell by the name this Eggman will stretch out your clothes so your fat American vacation body can fit into your tiny European outfits. Now, since _apparently_ so many have a problem with this toy," she said, throwing a glare at the back of Star's head. "We're going to give you a very special offer. For the next month or so, these giant monsters will be sold for absolutely nothing at all! It's free! For the first time in Kaoru's Toyland history! Isn't that amazing? Let's here from our happy customers.

* * *

"Mom!" a very skinny young girl was covering her eyes. "Why would you buy me that naked monster? I don't need my clothes stretched out "

The mom shook her head. "It was free. And what are you talking about? You mean this isn't a toy that teaches you about the birds and the bees?"

"MOTHER!" the girl yelled horrified. Her face turned bright red and her mouth was open in embarrassment.

"Huh, I guess I should talk to you about that, too" the mother said, turning back to examine the Eggman."

The next mother daughter duo seemed to be in a heated argument.

"He's _naked, _mother! I can't just take him through airport security like that!"

"Yes you can! They'll have no reason to search him! He can't hide anything without any clothes on!"

"Mother! I don't even need him!"

"Yes you do! You're going to America for that bloody holiday with your boyfriend! You get the Eggman to stretch out your clothes so you don't have to buy new ones to fit your growing waist and your boyfriend won't notice that you're getting fatter! I want grandchildren, Allison!"

"You're impossible mother!"

The camera switched away, settling on Eggman jogging one the beach as he passed one of the toys.

"What the...?" he sputtered out, looking at his fatter twin. "How? What? KAORU!"

* * *

"Oh, look at the wrist! It's time for us to end the show! Just keep the clothes on Eggman for one hour and they will be nice and stretched out. Remember that you shouldn't climb on the Eggman! And don't stand too close to him unless it's necessary! He may tip over! Then you could get stuck underneath him and who knows how long it will take people to find you?"

"Kaoru?" Star said quietly. "I don't feel too good."

"If you're going to throw up, you shouldn't do it on camera! You'll never get a date if you puke on international television!"

"I'm not trying to get a da- Oh no." Star ran from the stage room.

"So, we have to go! We aren't responsible for bombs or anything that may include yellow water or something weird! Bye everyone! See you next week!"

* * *

**A/N**

**Big thanks to Dyslexic-Carmie for this idea! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! See you next weekend with a new toy!**

**Have a good day and please review!**

**DFTBA**


	47. Gerald Robotnik: Make A Creation!

When the show started, the stage was pitch black and oddly quiet. The lights came up on the stage dramatically, like they do when it's time to ask a new question on the Millionaire Show, and Kaoru smiled creepily into the camera.

"Today on Kaoru's Toyland," she said in a low and almost mystical voice, "we are entering a dark, hidden, and mysterious place. We are going into the past. We are headed into the opposite direction of the future. We're heading away from Destiny!"

"Kaoru," the director came on over the speakers. "How long do you think you can draw this out for and still be entertaining? Because I think the answer ended after 'Today on Kaoru's Toyland.' "

"Mr. Disembodied Voice!" Kaoru said cheerfully as someone flicked on the overhead stage lights. "You're still here! I thought you disappeared a long time ago! What's up, home dawg?"

"You should never, _ever_ do that again," the director said after a moment of silence.

"Got it!" she held up a thumb. "Now, this week's toy is coming to you from years in the past. And by that I mean it's based off of someone who is dead! Isn't that fantastic? So if Star will please open the curtain..."

Kaoru held out her hands like Vanna White as Star revealed what was behind the curtains. Kaoru rushed over to the small, two-foot tall toy and knelt in front of it, straightening its coat. "So? How many of you recognize this little devil?" Kaoru asked when she turned back to the camera. "I bet none of you do! He's been dead for a really long time. On that note! I'd like to present our newest toy Gerald Robotnik: Make a Creation!

"So you all remember the robo builder kit of yesteryear? I'm sure a lot of you are tired of making your own robos, aren't you? Well, we've made this one step better! Now we have someone who will make something for you! This Gerald Robotnik toy will make you your own Ultimate Lifeform! Isn't that fantastic?"

"As always," Star started, stepping forward, "Kaoru's toy is easy to start up and easy to begin playing with."

"Exactly!" Kaoru butted in, allowing Star to kneel in front of the small Robotnik. "To turn on this cute little monster you just kneel down in front of him, we don't want him to feel short, and put your hands on either sides of his mustache." Star looked at Kaoru curiously but did as she was told. "And now, you pull both sides as hard as you can." Star frowned, pulling on the tiny human's mustache.

"Hey!" Gerald yelled at her the cat, causing her to fall over. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I...I... Well... Kaoru..."

The hare rolled her eyes and dug into the pockets of her hoody, handing Star a slip of paper.

"I don't know what _I'm _doing," Star read, "but weren't _you_ supposed to be building an Ultimate Lifeform or something?"

The small toy became very flustered, waving his arms around widely. "You're right! I was supposed to be doing that, wasn't I? I have to... Where is my lab? Where are my tools? I need..." Robotnik started mumbling quietly and pacing quickly in front of Star.

"Uh.. Kaoru? Now what?"

"Now, you'll give him our brand new Ultimate Lifeform Kit, sold separately for only 9,839,438 clocks, and he'll get to work immediately." Kaoru pointed to the large golden box sitting against the back wall of the stage and waited for Star to retrieve it. "This kit has over nine thousand more parts than the original Robo builder kit, and since you don't have to build anything yourself you can get to the fun that much faster! Yes?"

"Since this is a personalized toy Gerald Robotnik here will make a different Ultimate Lifeform for each different person that he comes into contact with," Star said, reading a paper that just fell out of the tiny Robotnik's pocket. She turned it over, "The list of warnings?"

"Kaoru," Cream called from offstage, "you should really make that easier to find. If it hadn't have fallen out of..."

"There's nothing I can do about it now," Kaoru cut her off. "The toys are already packaged and on the shelves, but just so everyone knows what they are up against, Star, why don't you read that list out loud."

"Warning: Kaoru's Toyland is not responsible for the dismantling of household items to be used in the making of the Ultimate Lifeform, spontaneous explosions, are the loss of movement in your left pinky toe. And as with any Kaoru's Toyland product you should use caution when picking up toys due to random misplacement of different measures of spine."

"And we'd love to show you a few happy customer videos, but our off-site camera was destroyed during testing so the only Ultimate Lifeform you'll be able to see today is the one that should be done any second now. While we wait, is there anything I've forgot to talk about?"

"I don't think you've said how much the toy cost."

"This toy cost 38928849 ice cubes. None of these ice cubes can be slightly melted, of course. What use would they be to me then?"

"It's done! I've finished!" Gerald yelled, jumping up and down and waving his arms through the air. It looked as if he was trying to get everyone's attention. Behind him stood a 3 foot tall yellow bird that was smiling uncontrollably.

"_This _is Star's Ultimate Lifeform?" Kaoru laughed loudly. "You're kidding me, right?"

"And you think you could build a better one?" the small Robotnik argued.

"Hey! I made _you, _didn't I?"

The toy sputtered for a second before marching away in a huff.

"He's in denial," Kaoru nodded to the camera. "Anyway, these toys will do almost anything for you. They're kind of like little servants. And you can teach them to do whatever it is you want them to do. _However,_ the first thing you teach them will be the thing that they are _best _at. It will be like their superpower. So, choose wisely... And maybe we should cut down on the dancing robots? No? Okay. That's entirely up to you.

"I'm not sure, but I think I've covered everything, so while Star teaches her Ultimate Lifeform something fun, I'm going to say good bye and have a nice day!"

* * *

**A/N **

**Big thanks to Storm337 for this idea. Also, I know this was from a long time ago but once when I was sick you posted this as a review: "*brings Kaoru medicine* Try to hang around Shadow. He can't get sick and he might be able to make the germ go away. Get better soon!" Every now and again I look at that and smile because I've been sick a lot lately. Thanks for that. It's mostly why I chose to do this chapter next.**

**I almost wasn't sure if I was going to update after all the people I traumatized last chapter. Sorry...**

**Yes, yes. I know. It's been a while. I'm barely able to admit how long it's been. But I'm going to give you my excuse and it'll all be okay. Kay? Ever since the end of January, I've been sick. Sick, sick. I've been to the doctor and they haven't told me what it is, because they don't know. I get more tests back in a few days, but who knows? I'm not writing this to make you feel sorry for me. That's just why I haven't been updating much. **

**Of course, to people who have me on author alert, you've noticed that I've been updating A LOT, just not in the Sonic category (yeah... I apologize for that). But I have a notebook that I write in at school when I'm trying to take my focus off everything else and I'm not in the Sonic state of mind a lot. Plus, I need to be on my computer when I write in this story because I need to know where I left off. And that's where all ideas are. HOWEVER! I have written a Sonic one shot to make up for it. So I'll be uploading that soon. **

**For those who have me on author alert... Once again... I'm REALLY sorry about the influx of story alerts from me. **

**For those of you who are still reading this author's note. Thanks for reading this chapter and I hope you leave a review. Have a good day and DFTBA**


	48. Espio: Espresso!

"Hi, everyone! I'm Kaoru, and this," the chocolate hare gestured to the studio that surrounded her, "is Kaoru's Toyland! Star appears to have disappeared and I have no patience this week! So let's move on and get this show over with as quickly as possible!"

Kaoru walked over to a table in the middle of stage and picked up the box that was sitting under the chair. "This, my dear friends, is what I call the Espio: Give Me Espresso!" She tore open the box and pulled out an Espio doll that was about 20 centimeters tall.

"So, I bet you're all wondering what this thing does. Am I right? Of course I'm right. Although it's pretty self-explanatory so I really shouldn't have to explain." Kaoru looked down at her feet for a couple of seconds and shrugged. "Ah well, might as well."

She picked up the small toy and held it with one hand, frowning down at it. "These things are hard to turn on because they're a little hard of hearing. You'd thing their tiny ear would be ultra sensitive our powerful sound waves but they don't seem to care about physics." She sighed in frustration and shook her head. "I must be losing my touch."

Shaking her head, she laughed. "Joking, of course. Me? Losing my touch? As if. The thing is a little hard of hearing because it drinks so much coffee. Its system gets all ahead of itself and its tiny brain processes words so fast that it doesn't absorb any of the words. The only way to get it to understand anything is to say it really low and really slow. That way when it processes the words it'll sound normal."

"Fair warning though, as soon as you turn it on, it may be a little hard to control. It'll start vibrating and running around and its invisibility function gets all out of whack and sometimes he'll be visible and sometimes not," Kaoru waved her hand dismissively through the air, "it's a big mess really."

She set the toy down in front of the table and lied down on her stomach, putting her feet up in the air. "Anyway, I guess we should get started with the demonstrating and such." The hare cleared her throat and began talking very slowly. "Hey Espio, I believe it's time for an espresso."

The toy suddenly began to vibrate very quickly, flashing between being visible and invisible quickly.

"You know, if you stare at it," Kaoru said, "it almost looks like a mobian strobe light without the light. I wonder if I can market the toy just as that. The Espio: Strobe Non-Light!"

In front of her, the toy began running around in circles quickly before rushing out the back stage door.

"Uh-huh. Well, while we're waiting on that espresso, we should discuss a few important issues. First: Price. These babies cost 5892039 glass shards. That should be easy enough, right? They better not be stained by blood. We won't accept them if they are. Second: Turning it off. The little devils are bloody hard to catch and even harder to turn off. Especially if you're ticklish. The thing vibrates so hard that if tickles your hands and then you fall over laughing and it gets away again. It's frustrating really." Kaoru sighed and shook her head. "I don't remember what my point was."

"Anyway, the point is that when it brings you your coffee it makes a huge mess because the bloody thing is vibrating and it spills coffee all over you. And all over everything. And not only that, but this toy also like to dips muffins, cakes, gumbo, steak, brisket, and just about everything else into coffee to eat it. So, if your couch ends up stained and half chewed, you know that it was the toys fault."

Kaoru looked around the stage for the toy before shrugging. "I guess we'll skip drinking coffee and just show the videos."

* * *

Silly, Smart Sally the Schnauzer was sitting at her kitchen table with a mug in her hand. "Honestly," she said, without looking up from the newspaper she was holding, "this thing makes one great cuppa. All I had to do was tweak it a bit, send it to coffee rehab, and make it take Tea lessons from my mom, and BAM! Now I can have my tea every morning with my breakfast." She looked behind her and stooped to pick up the small toy and set it on the table. "Doesn't it look so cute in its little butler outfit? I worked very hard on it."

Bertrand the Beagle was wearing a bright blue blazer that seemed to be covered in coffee. "I honestly don't know what I was expecting," he mumbled, looking down at himself and grabbing a paper towel.

McDonald's guy was staring happily down at his mug of coffee. "I don't know what this masterpiece is, but it is DELICIOUS! I CAN'T BELIEVE KAORU HASN'T MADE THIS BEFORE! OF ALL THE THINGS I'VE TRIED IN MY LIFE I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVEN'T TRIED COFFEE! AM I YELLING? I FEEL LIKE I'M YELLING BUT I CAN'T EVEN HEAR MYSELF! WHY ARE MY EARS BUZZING? HOW DO I STOP? HELLO?"

* * *

Kaoru frowned down at the floor around her and was mumbling to herself. "Honestly, many more shows like this and we might have to cancel it entirely." She waited for someone to bring her a towel before crouching down to mop up the large puddle of coffee. "And I don't even know where the little demon went."

Cream laughed nervously and stepped in front of the camera. "Don't worry! Nothing she is saying is true!" she assured the audience. "She's just having a bad week! I promise that there WILL be a show next week, no worries! And... Um... really... You should just come back next week when she is in a better mood." Cream looked back at Kaoru and lowered her voice. "Coffee makes her cranky, and she has been drinking a lot to make sure the coffee taste good. I'll get her off of it right away." Looking back again she called, "Kaoru? Is there anything else you'd like to tell the audience?"

"No," Kaoru responded flatly.

"Okay, then..."


	49. Silver: Instapickerupper

"Okay everyone!" Kaoru yelled cheerfully from on stage. "We've got something great for you this week. As you can probably tell from my immense excitement, we have a lot of fun things coming up in the near future! Whooo!" The chocolate hare twirled around with her arms over her head.

"So, I'm sure all of you have realized by now that garbage is a real problem in our households. No one wants to put it in the can and no one wants to empty the can and put it in the bins." Kaoru shook her head sadly. "It's getting to the point where we can barely walk through our house or down the streets without tripping over something!"

"That, of course, means we'll be introducing a toy that picks up your garbage for you!" She waved off stage and waited for Cream to put a very large Silver doll at her feet before continuing. "And here it is! The Silver: Insta-picker-upper! Silver picks up the garbage with his telekinesis! This means that no one in your home will have to get those disgusting germs all over there hands or have to struggle to pull garbage bags out of the garbage can ever again! Silver does everything for you!

"Since our last Silver toy had a problem with putting things down, we, and by that I mean me, took extra care to make sure our little garbage demon actually didn't just make a cloud of garbage float over your home or up at the ceiling causing your neighbors to complain to your home owners association about a weird smell that just won't go away. After all, we don't want any of you to get kicked out of your homes, now do we?"

As Kaoru snapped her fingers, a group of young stagehands ran onto the stage and over turned buckets full of garbage at Silver's feet.

"It's easy as baking a cake to turn this toy on. All you have to do is get a young kid to say 'I HAVE TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE AGAIN?'" At Kaoru's whine, the Silver's eyes began to glow a bright red and its head snapped up, sniffing the air. "Then the toy will begin to roam freely around your house and yard, and maybe even your neighbor's yard, picking up garbage."

As the hare continued to speak, the doll began picking up pieces of trash one by one. Looking around, Silver seemed to find the buckets the stage hands had brought to the stage and he returned the garbage into its place.

"And of course, nothing is perfect, or so they tell me, so I am obligated to warn you about a few "problems" my toy may have." Airquoting the word problems with a scoff Kaoru shook her head again before smiling into the camera. "But really it's not _my _fault if my toy seems to think that your old junker of a car or your mailbox that was a recent victim of mailbox baseball is garbage and he picks it up. You really should've replaced them by now. And it's really not my fault if he thinks your _new _car and mailbox is trash. Maybe you should've picked out something better."

"Kaoru, you're being a bit rude, don't you think?" Cream interrupted her. "Weren't you in a good mood just a few minutes ago?"

"Well, it just gets on my nerves that people misinterpret my genius for "problems" or "malfunctions." Without waiting for a reply, she continued. "Basically, my Silver likes to pick up a lot of things, and if you want your house to be clean you may have to get over it. Another "possibly dangerous side effect" of this toy is property damage, headaches of "It's no use!", or even garbage thrown at people when this Silver toy sees a Sonic toy... Or even the real Sonic. So make sure you keep this thing as far away from those as humanly possible.

"Seeing as we're dangerously close to being out of time I need to tell you about the price of this dear, dear toy of mine. It's only the cost of 123,456,789,876,543,212,463,648,956,373,739,383,763,626,758 Ultima Weapon Keyblades, a piece of Riku's hair, and Sonic's left sneaker! Doesn't that sound amazing? It's almost a steal!"

Behind her, the Silver had the buckets of trash floating in the air over Kaoru's head, seeming to be waiting for something.

"Um, Kaoru?" Cream said nervously.

Kaoru looked over her shoulder and laughed. "Sorry, he can't find the trash bins because we don't have any here. Can someone show him to the bins next door?" She looked back to the camera and shrugged. "We never have any trash here.

"Director!" she yelled. "Do we have any time for happy customers videos? The people demand it!"

"Trust me, Kaoru," the Director said over the speakers. "There is nothing worth showing."

"I see... Well then! I'll just let you know about the things! We have a critic's review coming up, a few more great toys, 2 shows with just me, _and _last but not least, I have to go to court because I'm being sued! Oh the excitement!" Kaoru laughed heartily.

"You're being sued?" Cream squeaked.

"You didn't tell us about this!" the Director screamed.

"I didn't see it as important," Kaoru commented boredly.

"You didn't see it as important? We could lose our jobs!"

"I think that's a bit illogical."

"Illogical? Illogical she says." Three clicks signaled the Director's departure.

"Anyway! I'll see you all then!"

* * *

**A/N**

**Big thanks to Ultima the Fox for this idea, and I don't know if anyone is picking up on it but the end of Sonic Products is coming very soon. **

**No tears, Kay?**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Have a good night!**


	50. Sonic: I'm Waiting!

"Hello everybody! I know it's been a while..." Kaoru stopped and tilted her head as she heard a choked sob come out of no where. She shook her head. All she could hear was a rhythmic tapping that sounded distant... And more like it was in the back of her mind... Almost controlling her... She shook her head again and smiled broadly. "As I was trying to say, I know it's been a while since we've done an actual Sonic Doll so I've decided to bring them back!"

Kaoru ran over to a large box and pulled out a Sonic Doll that looked like an annoyed teenage girl. Its arms were crossed and his foot was extended in such a way that made it look like it was caught mid-tap. His eyes looked mid-roll and his mouth was open slightly as if wanting to say something.

"Are you waiting for something? Do you like a certain fanfiction but the author of said fanfiction takes way too long to update?" Kaoru had to stop again after hearing another loud sob. She frowned at the ceiling for a few minutes before shrugging and continuing with her sales pitch. "Well, now we have the thing that's just for you!

"Introducing the Sonic: I'm Waiting! Doll! It's time for the people who are in control of the things you love and want to continue to love to get off their lazy bums and actually do something for once! They act all apologetic and come up with excuses such as," the hare cleared her throat and continued talking in a high, almost shrill voice, "'But I have midterms coming up!,' 'I'm in college now! I've become very busy,' 'I need a scholarship and need to work hard.' 'But work has taken over my life!' 'But I'm in the hospital!' These excuses are tired and we will not stand for this anymore! We want results!"

She turned the doll's back towards the camera and opened up a panel. "This toy does one thing and one thing only: it gets the results we crave! Controlling this doll is very simple, to turn it on all you have to do is type in the 5 digit activation code which will be available to you in the instruction manual."

As she typed in the last number and pressed enter the Sonic doll finished rolling his eyes and, in a voice that was so annoying it could go against a baby crying in a movie theater, said "Iiiiii'm waaaaaaaaaaitiiiiiiing." The doll tapped its foot and continued to repeat the same phrase over again.

"All you have to do is put this doll directly in front of the person you want it to torture... I mean... The person you want to encourage to continue their work and the Sonic will lock onto the person like a newly hatched baby duck to its mama and follow the person around until they sit down and get some work done. Of course, it would be no fun if the doll just stopped as soon as the person started working, because then they would lose their will to work and just be satisfied that the doll stopped bothering them, right? So for the doll to be turned off the person who started the doll has to type in the 1000 digit deactivation code.

"To prevent your idols from turning off the doll themselves, each doll has a unique activation and deactivation code and during the first entering of the activation code the keypad will read the person's fingerprints and make sure no one else can turn off the doll."

* * *

Somewhere far away cameramen followed a teenage boy up to the 4th floor of a dorm and watched as the boy started banging on the door.

A couple seconds later a very stressed-looking college girl opened the door. "Can I help you?" she asked, wondering who let a boy onto the girls floor. "Wait... What's with all the cameras?" She laughed slightly as she took in the people around you. "You realize your friends look like they could be a part of the Sonic universe, right?"

"Oh, they are," the boy said absently, waving his hand at the subject. "You're Kaoru, right?"

The girl looked shocked for a moment, but regained her composure. "I am, but I'm a little busy at the..."

"Yeah, yeah, I bet you are," the boy said, rolling his eyes. "To be specific, you're KaoruTheRandomBookworm from fanfiction dot com. Am I right?"

Kaoru closed the door in front of her a bit to protect herself. "You're a stalker? How is that even possible, none of my information is on fanfiction. I haven't even updated since I started here."

"Right, yeah. Uh huh, I have my ways. Anyway, I bought you a present."

"You did? From where?"

"Kaoru's toyland."

Kaoru paled noticeably. "Those toys aren't real."

"Not real in this universe, maybe, but they are very real in the universe you have created, and I was able to travel there and get a few things."

"I can't imagine why you would buy me any of the toys I've written about."

"Oh, that's because you haven't written about this toy yet."

"Oh, so now you're claiming to be a time traveler, are you?"

"Time moves differently there. You may not have created this toy yet here, but you have there... Or rather, the hare created it." The boy waved to someone behind him and had them bring a box over to Kaoru. Unwrapping it, he handed the Sonic Doll to Kaoru.

"I don't even think I have a Sonic Doll in my list of..."

"Oh, you do... You've just forgotten about it."

"I'm sorry?"

"Anyway," handing the box back to his friend, the boy took the Sonic doll back from Kaoru and set it on the ground in front of her. "You're going to hate me for this, but it has to be done. You are very behind in updating and you have to catch up."

"Well, for like the whole first month I was here the wifi didn't work and then..."

The boy stopped listening to what she was saying and typed in the five digit activation code. Just before pressing enter he said, "I'm sorry, but this is for your own good."

* * *

"I'm sure this toy is going to be a big hit for my viewers," Kaoru smiled happily. "This toy is going to cost 400 Genuine Fake Watches. And as always we are not responsible for Pulling-Out-Your-Hair syndrome, Forgetting-This-Toy-Exists-And-Therefore-Driving-Your-Idol-Insane syndrome, or any homicidal rampages that occur from the existence of this toy! Thanks for watching and come back soon!"

* * *

**A/N**

**Big thanks to Binary Hedgehog for giving me this idea _ages _ago. And I really hope you guys enjoyed what I did with this chapter. In the beginning, the 4th wall is not sound proof and you can hear my sobs of guilt through it, and in the end, it gets broken down completely. I hope you don't mind. **

**I want everyone to know I'm still accepting ideas for this, though not many. I am preparing a few non-episodes of Kaoru's Toyland and will like to mix it with real episodes. **

**Yes, you _will_ be seeing Kaoru in a courtroom and being sued. **

**No, this story is _not_ ending because I'm losing the drive, this story is ending because I believe it has gone on long enough, and that it's beginning to feel a bit played out. **

**I'll go into more detail about that in the next chapter.**

**Thanks guys! DFTBA**


	51. Sonic: The Teleporting Robot!

"Why am I here?" Shadow was asking as the show started.

"Because, I need someone to be a demonstrator and Cream didn't want to do it. So you're going to be the demonstrator."

Shadow rolled his eyes, but Kaoru knew he didn't really care one way or another and wasn't going to run off because it just gave him too much trouble. "Are you at least going to tell me what the toy is?" he asked her.

"Why do I have to? You're going to find out when I have you demonstrate it."

Shadow made an annoyed noise but didn't say anything, instead he just crossed his arms and settled for glaring at the hare.

"Welcome to the show everyone! Sorry for the wait! Curtains!"

Behind her the red stage curtains slid open revealing a _very _large metallic Sonic robot. "It may not be colorful, but it gets the job done!" Kaoru smiled broadly.

"And what exactly is this job?" Shadow asked, staring up at the robot in amazement.

"And I bet you're asking your television right now, 'What exactly is this job?'" Shadow shot an annoyed look at her but didn't say anything. "Well! The answer is very easy! This, my dear friends, is Sonic: The Teleporting Robot!"

"You're going to have it teleport me somewhere?"

"Yes, yes I am," the hare said in an overly enthusiastic voice. "But before we set up this demonstration, I need you to put this on." Kaoru walked over to the hedgehog and tried to put a hat on his head.

"What is this for?" he asked, yanking it from her hands.

"There's a camera in it, we're going to follow you so you can show everyone how it works."

"Don't they have an imagination?"

"We are professionals and have to prove that these things work," Kaoru said seriously.

Shadow lifted an eyebrow but put the hat on anyway. "Well, now what?"

"Okay! Great!" she turned back to the camera. "It's very easy to get this toy to work, you guys. First, you'll need one of each of the emerald rock candy. Then, when you're ready, you jump into the robots arms, bridal style."

"Excuse me?" Shadow said, crossing his arms again.

"The faster you do it the faster you get to leave," Kaoru told him as he shoved the candy into his arms.

The black hedgehog grumbled to himself as he climbed into the robot's arms.

"Excellent, now, you tap the nose and wait for the mouth to open. When that happens, you shove the candies into his mouth and then you announce where you want to go."

Shadow put the candy into the robot's mouth and waited expectantly. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Aren't you going to tell me where you want me to go?"

"Where the fun in that? Just pick a place and go."

He shook his head, completely clueless about where to go. "The Great Wall of China," he shrugged, then he disappeared in a loud burst of sound.

Kaoru flinched. "Sorry. I forgot that would happen."

* * *

The robot dropped Shadow to the ground the second they arrived at the great wall.

"What the hell?" Shadow yelled, the fall long enough to hurt more than his pride. "You could've warned me!" he said through clenched teeth as he ripped the hat off his head so he could talk directly into the camera. "Are you trying to kill me?"

He shoved the hat back onto his head, angry that he couldn't get an immediate response and looked around. He was surrounded by tourists that were curious as to where he came from and why he was yelling into a hat.

"Don't mind me," he mumbled, climbing back into the robot's arms, and shoving more candy into its mouth. "Niagara Falls."

Suddenly, the robot started flailing and screaming loudly, dropping the very unhappy hedgehog to the ground again. "What the! Kaoru! I'm gonna! Ugh! What the hell..." He kicked the robot, causing it to stop and look down at him. Uneasy about the growing crowd of people, he jumped into the robots arm again and yelled "Harmonyland!" just as someone reached out to touch him.

As he fell to the ground again, he looked around and saw that he standing in front of the large Hello Kitty theme park. "What the? Geez, I panicked and said the first thing that popped into my head. I have to leave before someone finds out I'm..." He stopped and threw the hat on the ground, stomping on the camera.

* * *

"Ooo-kay," Kaoru laughed, turning away from the monitor she was watching. "That was just full of surprises, wasn't it? As you can see, the robot does drop you onto the ground unceremoniously. But isn't the little bit of pain worth it if you can finally visit all of your favorite vacation spots?

"Also, the robot will not teleport you to any place that within 10 feet of water. Sorry guys, that means no trips to the beach with this toy. If you try to get it to go somewhere with water, the robot will either panic or pick a different place to go. In Shadow's case, it panicked."

She shook her head and laughed again. "Of course, you probably don't want it to panic in a large group of people. We are not responsible for deaths due to embarrassement. If you were born with glass bones and paper skin we suggest that you don't use this toy, it may be too dangerous for you. The last thing we want is for you to break your arms every morning and your legs every afternoon. So stay away!"

"This toy costs 4000 bags of flaming hot cheetohs! Thank you and goodnight!"

* * *

**A/N**

**A big thanks to Kirbyisawesome for this idea! **

**As promised I'm going to explain the wanting to end this story: When I started writing it I wasn't even that big of a fan of Sonic. The only thing I knew about Sonic was the things I learned from the Sonic Heros game. I started writing this because my friend Ash was really into Sonic and she wanted me to write some stories about, so this came about. When I started it, I was just goofing off and when readers started giving me ideas I had to do research on characters I had never even heard of before (Blaze, Bean, etc), so I was going through the SonicWiki like crazy. And eventually I watched Sonic X hoping it would help me out a bit (though all it really taught me was that Chris was too annoying for words). Though, I have played many other Sonic games since then, I'm still not a hardcore Sonic fan and I can't really make jokes or puns about the comics or games I have never heard of. **

**So, it feels to me that my jokes are old, tired, worn out, and repetitive. And there just aren't many ideas out there anymore. Sure, I can make Eggman is fat jokes and Shadow is emo all I want, but there comes a time when you're like "Is this even funny anymore?" And I'd like to quit while I'm ahead before the answer becomes no. **

**Thanks for reading and stay turned for more. **

**DFTBA**


	52. Kaoru: ToyMaking Problems!

"So, can you tell us what you're doing?" Tales asked from behind a camcorder he grabbed as soon as he saw that Kaoru had taken refuge in his garage. She was surrounded by many tools and a lot of scrap metal and fur swatches.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Kaoru asked absentmindedly as she stared at the things around her.

"It _looks_ like you're trying to give yourself an aneurism."

"Well, it just so happens that I'm trying to..." Kaoru looked up, "Wait, why do you have a camera?"

"I want evidence if you blow something up... Or kill something."

"What am I going to kill with a bunch of spare junk?" she scoffed.

"Depends on how angry you get, I suppose," the fox mused. "I've lost the ability to think that there's anything you _can't_ do." He thought about this for a minute and then turned back to the matter at hand. "So are you going to tell me what you're doing or not?"

"Haven't we already gone over this?"

"No."

"I'm working on a toy from my next show. Don't you know that halloween is coming up? If I don't make a toy appropriate to the holiday all of my loyal customers will turn to more expensive and less logical toy companies. Someone could end up getting hurt! I definitely don't want that to happen. If it did I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

"I don't really think it's that big of a deal. Besides, I don't think there are any toy companies on this planet that can be less logical than yours. I mean-"

"The Train Gang Toy Company," Kaoru said, lost in her own head.

"Excuse me?"

She sighed and looked over at Tails again. "Train Gang Toys is a new company. Well, newer than mine at least. They've been dressing you guys up like train conductors and turning you guys into trains and making transformers and all this other crazy stuff. They even have a baby Shadow that rides around on a little train! Why would baby Shadow ride around on a train! Was he even a baby ever? No!"

"Well... Why would Shadow do the Macarena?"

"In case you don't remember Shadow actually _did_ do the macerana at the end of that episode. I know you guys! These people that run this toy store don't even know you and yet they use you as toys. It's like they think you guys approve or something."

"Now that you mention it, I don't recall any of us actually approving of you making toys of us. In fact, I think if you were to ask us we wouldn't-"

"Both Amy and Eggman have approved and sponsored toys that I sell."

"I don't think Amy actually approved of that toy once she found out that-"

"Exactly! It's all part of the game, Eggman also has an unapproved toy, if you recall."

There was a short silence before Tails thought of something else. "Shouldn't we be getting paid some sort of royalty or something? I mean, you _are _using our faces and bodies and abilities after all."

Kaoru turned back to her work. "Are you going to stand there and ask me stupid question or are you going to let me get back to what I'm supposed to be doing? Because I have a deadline."

"You have a deadline?"

"Mr. Disembodied Voice likes to pretend that he actually has control over the things I do. I like to pretend also. So it'd be nice if this toy was done before rehearsal."

"One more question, why must you make your toy in my garage. You have your own workshop, don't you? This is kind of where I like to do _my_ things."

"My workshop was too quiet. I needed to come here to find some inspiration. Now go away you're being too noisy."

"If you want quiet, shouldn't you go back to your workshop?"

"You said you would only ask one more question one question ago. You've run out of questions."

"All I'm saying is that it would be nice if I could work on my own things."

"Look, I know you like looking at me and all, but you're starting to be creepier than you usually are and I don't... That's it! I have an idea!" Kaoru picked up a hammer and threw it over her shoulder before asking, "Do you have a blow torch?"

"I don't feel comfortable letting you have things that can cause fires."

"Oh hush! Just bring me your blow torch! I use one all the time and have never caused a fire in my workshop!" Kaoru ran over to him and took the camera from his hand, pointing it at herself and smiling. "You guys sure are going to love this! Trust me; you'll want this for your own home. Make sure to tune the morning of Halloween and see if you can get this cute little guy for your own trick-or-treating adventures!"

"Why are you talking into the camera?"

"Sorry, Tails, going to have to take the tape. It's company policy that every time I am caught on camera I have to put it on the show. I wouldn't want to be sued for breaking my contract with the company and or the tv station."

"Kaoru, you own the company... _and_ the tv station."

"Yes, and wouldn't it be a shame if I had to sue myself? I'm already in the middle of one lawsuit! I can't handle any more! Now go get the blow torch!"

* * *

**A/N**

**So, the toy for next week is all planned out and ready. The toy idea was given to me a year ago, right after halloween and I promised that person I would eventually use the toy, because I loved it. I had actually had something planned back then that the toy would've fit with, but I decided to go against that plan and the toy has just been sitting on my list for a long time. Now it's finally going to be shown and I think it's going to be good. **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I really hope that you review. **

**Thanks for reading, DFTBA**


	53. Tails: Trick or Treat!

"Welcome," Kaoru's voice was heard as the show started to complete darkness. "This is Kaoru's Toyland, the toyland where we feature legitimate Sonic products and are glad to take your money. This episode," she flipped a switch and lit her face with a flashlight, "we celebrate Halloween."

Suddenly, two spot lights turned on, one lighting up Kaoru and another lighting a box that was standing next to her. From her pocket, she pulled out a controller. When she pushed the button the four sides of the books fell open to reveal and very, very, dark and creeping-looking Tails doll. In another, more creepy universe this Tails could've been an exact replica of the real Tails. This Tails was made of various shades of black and gray. It had eyes that seemed to be opened as wide as they could go and a smile that made the whole crew feel uncomfortable. In the doll's hands were two bag. One of the bags had a Jack-o-lantern on it while the other bag had a ghost.

"As you can see, this Tails doll covers all of your trick or treating needing! It's twice as creepy as the original and even comes with _two_ bags to fill with candy. That's _two _bags that _aren't _sold seperately! I'm getting more generous!"

From next to her, the Tail's doll's tail twitched and hit Kaoru on the back, causing her to look over at it in surprise. "I'm sure that's nothing," she assured the camera. "Now, the great thing about this toy is that it will get you a _ton_ of candy.

"When you knock on the door, the Tails: Trick or Treat, that's what we're calling it, will step in front of you to greet the owner of the lovely establishment when they open the door. When the poor sap finally comes to the door, he or she will get the living daylights scared out of them! They will pass out and drop the candy bowl onto the floor. You then can pick up all of the candy and run off. The man or lady of the house won't wake up until you are long gone.

"What does the Tails toy do to scare these people, you may be asking the TV right now. Well, I can't show you on the show because I need you to watch it until the end and we don't have time to wait for all of you to wake up. I just suggest that you avert your eyes when it comes time for the scaring, watching Tails scare may actually scare you and you won't be able to get the candy that you purchased this toy for.

"I'm sure you've guess that since we can't show you what the toy does we can't really show you any happy customer videos so you'll just have to trust us when we say this toy works better at scaring people than a naked Brittney Spears in a Yoga classroom.

"So in case you were wondering, I'm asking a low low price of 4898409 Mardi Gras masks for this toy. I'm also going to have to send you some warnings so I don't get into any trouble. Firstly, don't knock on any doors with this toy around unless you want to to scare the begeezus out of the person that opens the door. Secondly, we are not responsible for concussions, hatred sent your way by your peers, any pranks by your neighbors, loss of your middle toe, or the apocalypse.

"We also aren't responsible if this doll watches you while you sleep or follows you to school in a stalker-like fashion. We aren't responsible if this doll sharpens its teeth and pretends to be a vampire or covers itself in glitter because of its bad taste in Twilight. We aren't responsible if this toy cuts off your arm and replaces it with someone else's in the hopes to fulfill his dream of becoming like Dr. Frankenstein. We can't help it if this doll tries to find his letter to Hogwarts in your underwear drawer because he thinks you are conspiring against him and it's not our fault if he starts to believe you are planning to kill him.

"Following that thought, we can't help it if you start to believe that this doll is planning your murder. You are just being paranoid and there is nothing to worry about. This doll is mostly harmless and would only hurt a fly. Unless provoked. Don't provoke him. You've been warned.

"So! If you want this super awesome doll just stop by Kaoru's Toyland today and pick one up. Our Cashiers are practically begging to get rid of them! And it's not because the dolls are holding guns or knives up to the cashiers! That's a ridiculous thought! Get rid of it right now! Your very special Tails doll is awaiting your arrival so get off your lazy bum and get going!"

The spotlights turned off and Kaoru flipped her flashlight back on, illuminating only her face. "This toy is only available for a limited time. Make sure you get there before they are all on the run."

* * *

**A/N**

**Big thanks to Mana50 for this idea... last year. Sorry it took such a long time for it to be used. **

**Also, this was supposed to be put up yesterday, so sorry about that. A friend asked me to help him write a speech and it went way longer than I thought it would. But, hopefully you guys aren't too upset with me. Better late than never, am I right? And most of you are probably used to my flakiness by now. :( Sorry. **

**I hope you enjoyed it even if it was a day late. Hopefully you guys weren't over the whole halloween thing. **

**See you in the next chapter. **

**Hope you enjoyed. **

**Please review**

**Have a good night and DFTBA**


	54. Mephiles: Shadow Clones!

"Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiight everybody! It's time for yet another fabu epi of Kaoru's Toyland, yeah? And I promise we have a totes perf toy for you guys this week but before we get to that I just totes wants to thank all of you for the great great great sales numbers we have at the store, despite the ensuing lawsuit, and hope that you continue to choose us for your fab toyland needs this upcoming holiday season, yeah?!" Kaoru blinked a couple of times and shook her head. "Okay, yeah. There's no way I'm going to talk like that for the entire episode so let's just get this whole toy thing going, okay?"

The hare ran to the back of the stage and carried a box back to where she was originally standing upstage. "Now imagine this, you are a boy (or girl) just sitting in your room and playing your favorite Sonic game, when suddenly, your mom comes in and orders you to clean your room. What are you supposed to do? Just save and quit when you are on the verge of beating the crap out of Eggman? Are you just supposed to listen to your mom without rolling your eyes and actually _clean your room?_ That's _boring_. Right?

Kaoru ripped open the box and pulled out a Mephiles the Dark toy that was probably just under 3 feet tall. "Introducing, the amazing Mephiles: Shadow Clones!" she yelled with way too much enthusiasm. "Mephiles will create clones out of the shadows to do your bidding. Just pinch his ear, and he'll be ready to go! But just keep in mind that once you pinch his ear, you may want to hide in the next 5 seconds. 'Why?' I'm sure you're asking yourself. Well if he gets a rude awakening, he'll try to blast you with a Dark Chaos Lance...

"Oh, and don't forget to buy some candy on your way in to Kaoru's Toyland because to actually make him produce a few shadow Mephiles you need to give him a Chaos Emerald: Rock Candy! which are coming in delicious peppermint flavor for the holidays!" she pulled a candy cane from her pocket and stuck it in the edge of her mouth as if she were chewing on sugar cane.

"Of course, there is one little thing that I am required by the suits to "warn" you about," she airquoted sarcastically. "Mephiles here only listens to you 1/64 of the time. So basically, 63/64 part of the time, he is carrying out his own plans of world domination. Which isn't really that bad when you really think about it. I mean, how many of us _don't _spend that much time trying to take over the world, am I right?" Kaoru laughed half-heartedly for a few seconds before continuing. "He'll only listen to you if you got something worth saying.

"And don't bother trying to fight him, he'd...destroy you in an instant," she added quickly. "Now here are some nice and Happy customers!"

* * *

The camera faded in on a kid and a Mephiles Doll, holding a Purple chaos emerald. The boy seemed overly excited. "FINALLY!" he screamed. "After all my saved items, I finally got it! And lucky I had spare Chaos Emerald candy!" The boy stopped for a few seconds as the Mephiles Doll mumbled something about fires and the Empire State Building. "Now, make some clones to clean my room!"

"You're not the boss of me!" the Mephiles toy yelled as he sent a heck of a lot of Dark Chaos the boy's way.

The boy began to frantically scream & ran from the room. The cameraman looked at the Mephiles toy in fear and fled from the room soon after.

Next, the camera showed Mcdonalds guy is standing up at the door, a Mephiles toy seems to have taken over this Mcdonalds with his posse of clones. "Are you sure this is a good way to conquer nations?" Mephiles asked Mcdonalds guy.

"Of course!" Mcdonalds guy laughed. "All you have to do is take over every single one of these babies all over the world... And leave me with their food... And you'll have the whole world to yourself... As long as you leave me with their food."

For the last happy customer video, Eggman was standing in front of the Mephiles toy, frowning down on him. "Hmm. That annoying little Hare is getting better at this." The Doctor circled around Mephiles for a few moments. "I bet this _toy_ will take the place of the real thing quite nicely... My plans will soon be put into action."

* * *

"Doesn't that just make you want to buy, like, 50 of these things? Hey! I just thought of something! If you buy 64 of these things, chances are good that at least one of them will listen to you each time you want to get your room cleaned! And isn't that enough to make you want to run out there and just buy some? After all, this wonderful toy only cost a bundle of...5... Legendary Excaliburs!

"Now, as a helpful little hint, I must warn you that if you put this Mephiles toy near a Silver toy, it will hypnotize the poor dear and make it do its bidding. BUT if you put it near a Sonic toy, it will send a Dark Chaos Lance through it stomach!"

"So make sure to stay on this toy's good side and not get yourself hurt! Haha!"

* * *

**a/n **

**Big thanks to anon DragonRider for this toy idea! It was a lot of fun. **

**Why do I find it sad that I believe if you were to take over every McDonalds all over the world you'd be able to take over the world?**

**I hope all of you had a good time reading. **

**Have a nice night and DFTBA**

**Please review**


	55. Bean: Fun Protection System!

**a/n Big thanks to PoisonIvy1234 for this chapter suggested so long ago. I didn't write it before because I thought I had already, but nope. Anyway. I hope you enjoy this chapter. DFTBA**

* * *

"Do you have a problem with little punks coming to your house to Toilet-Paper it, egg it, smash in your windows, or kick down your door?" Kaoru asked as the stage lights came up on the show. "Are you terrified for your kids, wife, or husband? Do you believe that there is a creeper in your hood trying to climb in your windows and steal your cat? Well, worry no more, because we at Kaoru's Toyland can now install a security system into your house!"

The hare thought for a moment before amending what she said. "Well, we don't so much as install it into your house and you come and pick it up then activate it yourselves, but that's beside the point.

"All you have to do is come down to Kaoru's Toyland and buy the brand new Bean: Fun Protection System!" From her pocket, Kaoru pulled they tiny green replica, no bigger than a pack of gum, and stroked his back once, sending it flying into the air. "Now, I know what you're thinking. 'But Kaoru,' the hare whined in a nasally voice, 'that thing is too small to protect my house! What kind of gimmick are you trying to pull?'"

Kaoru let out a sigh of disgust. "They actually used that word. Gimmick, can you believe it?" she scoffed, though it was unclear who she was talking about. "Who do they think they are?

"Anyway! Back to the thing. As most of you should know, size does not matter, at all... Unless you are taking a family of 10 on vacation... Then you should probably have a very large car... Oh. I guess size also matter when you are picking out which pack of crayons to get. Personally I always get the biggest available. But when it comes to this thing, size isn't important. My little Bean here is all you need.

"When you return home after buying him you remove him from the box and take him outside. Once there all you have to do is stroke his back once as you say "Protect this house," and that's all there is. He'll throw bombs, materializing seemingly out of nowhere, at anyone who dares come near your sacred domain. For added help on the exact perimeters of your sacred domain, stroke his back and say "limits" then walk him around the outer edge of whatever it is you want him to guard. So if you want him to protect your whole property you just take him for a walk around the property lines, no problem.

"However, as long as he remains activated he will throw bombs at anyone even visiting friends and family members, neighbors, or anyone that walks past your house if they encroach on your territory. He'll even throw them at your family as they come back home after a day at school, work, or a day out in the city. So you must always remember to catch him in the morning and turn him off. And sure, it might be hard to catch him because running around your yard looking for him makes you a target, but it's the protection of your family that matters, right? Of course it is! After he's caught you just stroke his back and say off. Easy peasy!

"Of course, if you just need some companionship you just stroke his back without saying anything. He'll fly around your head, perch on your shoulder, eat some of your breakfast, and ever swim in your bathtub. Don't worry! He is 100% waterproof... Most of the time."

* * *

"Alright Bean," McDonalds guy said, playing the small toy on his finger. "Limits." McDonalds guy stroked Bean's back and then moved his fingers in a square around his dinner plate, even placing a limit to how high Bean could fly by moving his finger up and down. "I need you to protect this deliciousness from harm, all right?" He let Bean take off and McDonalds guy got up to go get a straw. "Now I never have to worry about people stealing my food ever again."

A father tucked a small boy in to bed and kissed him on the forehead. "Alright bud, you try and get some sleep now."

"But what about the elephant that tries to get into my window?" the little boy whispered worriedly.

"Don't worry, son, we'll never have to worry about that mean ol' elephant ever again." The dad closed the curtains to his son's room and then left, going outside to set the limits for Bean.

The video sped up, showing the passage of time. From inside the boy's room, you could hear the explosions from the bombs going off outside the window as the boy slept peacefully, happy that the elephant had been taken care of.

"God dammit, Tiffy!" A man yelled as he dodged bombs thrown by Bean in the earlier morning hours. "How am I supposed to sleep through the night if this dog-goned contraption is making noise all night?"

"I was just worried about us, Henry!" A woman, Tiffy, yelled. "This is our only means of protection!"

"We don't need any damned protection," Henry yelled, jumping up and missing Bean.

"But the mafia is after us!"

"That's not true! And if they were this is drawing more attention to us than would be needed, don't you think? I don't know how you get these ideas planted in your head!"

The camera zoomed out as Henry finally caught Bean and turned it off. Across the street, a black car drove slowly by and watched as the frustrated Henry and hysterical Tiffy reentered the house, fighting the whole way.

* * *

"And there you have it, folks," Kaoru smiled into the camera. "One brand new and cheap protection system for your house. How cheap, you ask. Well, it's only three lilac breasted rollers! That's means anyone can get these protections systems! Except they can't because we are only selling 200 of them! So come on down to Kaoru's Toyland and get these little buggers while supplies last... Though I must warn you... They are bloody tricky to handle and we are not responsible for loss of eyebrows or other bodily things."


	56. Kaoru's Toyland: Critic Review

"Hello, everybody! This is Kaoru's Toyland, the show where we show you the toys that are so great they change your lives forever. Usually on the show we show you a demonstration of the new toy we are introducing into the store, but do to some circumstances that are taking place that I need to take care of, Cream and the Director are going to show you a tape that we received many moons ago soon after the critics came watch the show. There was one particular television critic that gave us a great review and sent us the tape of her show the day she talked about us. So sit back and watch just how great and unsueable the people of Kaoru's Toyland are."

* * *

The screen came up upon a small purple tiger who was jumping up in down on a chair. "Hello everyone!" she giggled as she fell into a sitting position on the chair. "I hear Sally's Sundaes has had a great leap in sales since I covered her last week which is phenomenal! You guys have no idea how lucky I am to have the best and most faithful audience on television."

She waited as the in-set audience clapped and cheered before speaking again.

"Now, people have been asking me for the better part of a year to go review Kaoru's Toyland and all of her products, and I can finally say that after a lot of string pulling I, along with a few other critics, were able to see her show get filmed just a few short weeks ago. Afterwards, she took all of us to a warehouse to demonstrate some toys and let us test some of them ourselves, and following that she took us to her store so that we could see her customer service and setup. I've waited until all the other critics that were present that day gave their reviews before speaking my own so that I could have something to bounce off from."

The tiger leaned forward and grabbed a paper off of the table in front of her, reading it for a second before continuing. "It's safe to say that I was shocked to see what the others had to say about Kaoru, her show, and her toys. Kaoru has been said to be unprofessional, awkward in front of the camera, loud impolite, and childish. Her toys have been called dangerous, annoying, unsatisfying, questionable, and nuisances. Her store has been called disorderly and her currencies looked on as bizarre, inconceivable, illogical, and preposterous. And when asked what people thought about Kaoru and her store overall they all had one word: suspicious."

She rose and stood directly in front of her audience, shaking her head. "The worst things said about Kaoru were that she seemed to want to hurt her buyers by making dangerous toys and causing them to strain themselves while searching for her currencies. She has been called an anarchist."

Sighing, she continued, "But after seeing how anxious Kaoru was when she was showing us around, I can't believe that. It's obvious that she cares for her toys and was worried what people would thing of them. She puts herself out there in a way that many people can't, and because of this she has been talked down upon, spat upon, and placed in serious danger from the people that want to 'stop her.' So when you ask me what I think of Kaoru and her toys I want to make it clear that I don't see her as any of the things I have listed before, and I hope none of you will either. Kaoru's toys and currencies show a great sense of imagination. Imagination, I might add, that is taken away from children too early and she is trying to keep alive. A Sonic that you can't catch just makes your mind try to think of new ways to approach tag. It allows kids to think of new ways to catch the Sonic. And I'm sure I can make a case for every single toy that she has ever made. A Sonic in a box? Well, wasn't there a tv show called Out of the Box? There are many things that a box can be used for... in the hands of a great imagination."

"So I'm going to ask the people that wrote this... filth," she held up the papers in her hands and threw them to the ground, "where is your imagination? What is it that you see in this girl that you find threatening? Is it because of her creativity? Or is it just because she's likeable? Every single person that has bought her toys have had good things to say about them and you are calling them pathetic for 'buying into these ridiculous gimmicks.' Well let me tell you something, Kaoru's audience wouldn't be so massive if they didn't like her and her toys, so before insulting millions of people, you should buy something of hers and let your imagination run wild. Then... And _only_ then can you put any judgment on her."

The tiger stopped and smiled as her audience cheered loudly.

"And let's be honest, everyone, sometimes we tune in just to see if Kaoru's lovely assistant, Shadow, makes an appearance," she commented, winking. "I mean, come on guys, are they not one of the cutest couples ever? Their opposite personalities balance each other to the point a fabulous point of neutrality and tranquility."

The audience clapped and whistled, causing her to laugh.

"So you're asking me to give a review on Kaoru's Toyland? A Plus! I encourage you to buy her toys and find new ways to use them. And if you are worried about the 'danger' of her toys, all of her toys come with a simple list of instructions that turns off all of the 'dangerous' features. Maybe if some of our critics actually learned how to read every now again they would know that. But trust me, leave them on... They make for great imagination, too."

"I'd like to thank my wonderful audience members for being here today, and I'm truly grateful for all of my viewers who tune in every week to hear what I have to say. And I hope you tune in next week for another episode of Reed's Reviews!"


	57. S&Sonic: Super Shoes! Emerl: Mentor!

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to run fast like Sonic?" Cream asked as the lights came up on the stage. "Or to have super cool hover shoes like Shadow? How about learning to use them and learning to do other cool things that everyone else can? Well, I'm Cream, a representative for Kaoru's Toyland and I'm here today that now you can!"

The camera panned out to show three boxes in front of Cream, one a great deal bigger than the other two. "It's time everyone was able to do all the cool things everyone else could do, and who better to start that revolution than Kaoru's Toyland? And to start off our episode," Cream threw open the lids of the two smaller boxes, "we have shoes!"

Cream placed both pairs of shoes on the ground in front of her then stacked the boxes off to the side. "Kaoru's Toyland will now be offering two different shoes to start your speedy little lives! Pair one is modeled for Sonic's running speed. You put these on, take a step to run, and they take control of your legs so you can run faster than you have ever run before. Don't worry though, they can read signals from your brain so they know when to stop... Or that you need to throw up."

She put the pair of shoes she was talking about next to the boxes off camera. "Pair two is modeled off of Shadow's hover shoes! You put these on and you can skate like the wind! And unlike the Sonic shoes, which take control of your legs so you can run, these shoes allow you to move your legs at a regular pace, but a single stride will take you farther than it normally would!"

"These particular shoes will be listed under Sonic and Shadow: Super Shoes! at Kaoru's Toyland and will cost 1,413,643,677 mermaid scales!"

Next, Cream walked over to the bigger box and opened it, pulling out a life-sized Emerl toy. "Now, I'm sure every once in a while you will start playing a video game or will watch am movie and think to yourself 'I wish I could fight like that!' Well, now you no longer have to wish with our brand new Emerl: Fighting Mentor! This Emerl toy has been trained to fight like every single action hero you could imagine, and not only that but he has perfected every one of those fighting styles. He has even created a few fighting styles of his own. But what does this have to do with you, you might ask. Well, we have sent this cuddly little toy to teaching school and now he can teach you every single one of these fighting styles.

"He's great! He's patient! And he'll even show you something as many times as you need it shown to you before you catch on. And with his hands on approach, he'll even fight you in various levels of difficulty until you have perfected whatever he is trying to teach you, helping you every step of the way. He'll show you how to use balance and logic to pick out the best moves for you! He's easily activated and easily deactivated, however he is a bit tough and will activate on his own if he thinks you have gone to long without practicing.

"And if all of that isn't enough to make you want to get up and buy these toys, let's show you some of our happy customers!"

* * *

"I did it! I did it!" A young boy yelled from the roof of a house. "I've finally caught my Sonic: Let's Play Tag! This is the happiest day of my life!"

The camera zoomed in on the boy, with the Sonic slightly behind him. "Tag," the Sonic said, poking the boy in the arm. "You're it."

The boy stopped cheering and frowned, looking around the yard. As he took a step to go after the Sonic, he zoomed off.

The camera switched to a skinny man fighting against Emerl. "I'll show him," the man said through clenched teeth. "He thinks women can't fight, eh? Then he's all condescending 'did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?' Psh. He'll never become general. He can't even tell I'm a woman and we're supposed to expect him to be able to have honed enough senses to lead us into war. I'll show him who's the better fighter. _I'll _'make a man' out of _him. _Not only am I going to save my father's life, but I'm going to prove these sexist idiots are wrong.

"Um, help?" a small voice said from above the camera, which turned up to show a little girl hanging from the ceiling. "A got too close to a wall while skating, and I think the hover shoes are also grippy shoes, because now I'm stuck on the ceiling! The shoes think the ceiling is the floor!"

"Uh," the cameraman looked around him. "Do you know where a ladder is?"

* * *

"And that's all we have time for today!" Cream smiled into the camera. "This is just a friendly reminder to everyone that they should read all of the instructions and warnings. And I'd like to warn you all that we are not responsible for bruises, bumbs, disorientation, discombobulation, you getting pulled out of bed in the middle of the night to fight a crazy robot, or wind burn! Thank you and good night!"

* * *

**A/N**

**Big Big Big Thanks to Poppy the Rabbit, my #1 super fan, for sending in the idea for the shoes and xiXlToxiclXix for sending in their request for an Emerl toy. **

**I can't thank everyone enough for sending in ideas for this story, which would've ended a long time ago if not for the outside help. **

**You guys are great and as soon as I finish all the ideas left that I want to do, the story will be over. **

**Til then, thank you guys for reading and I hope you won't be too lost without Kaoru and the gang. (Which I doubt you will considering the long spaces in-between updates)**

**Thanks for reading and DFTBA**


	58. Kaoru's Toyland: Controlled Chaos!

"All right, everyone! Today we'll be selling a Vector: Music Machine!" Kaoru yelled excitedly as the cameras came up. "This toy is great to have around when you can't seem to get anything done! You tell the machine what kind of music you want to get you in the zone and suddenly BOOM! you get everything done that needed doing! And not only that-"

"Oh Karou~" called an unfamiliar voice from somewhere backstage.

"What the?" Kaoru turned around and stared at the door.

"Hello!"

She looked around herself. "Um, Cream, do you know what's going on?"

"We don't know," Cream told her over the speakers. "It's not our doing."

"Kaoru!" the person knocked on the stage door. "I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as a designer by coming in anyway!" a few seconds later a male, cream-colored rabbit wearing a Sonic shirt burst in through the door using a battering ram. The side was painted with Knuckles as if he were punching the end, where spikes were used to break things down. "This," the rabbit said gesturing to the ram, "is my new product!"

"Um, do I know who you-"

"This is designed to break through walls for easy destructive access!"

"This place is surrounded by high-level security. How did you-"

"It's a product I designed myself and I would like _you_ to sell it for me!"

"Oh, I honestly don't think I can-"

"And it's not even my only idea! I really think what you and your store needs is a Honey the cat doll."

"That just seems-"

"She will entertain the masses with her pure randomness!"

"I just don't think that I'm the-"

"Oh! Yes! Sorry, ma'am. I'm Tyler, toy designer and..."

Kaoru looked taken aback. "Ma'am?"

"I think we could work really well together. Now, about this Honey doll. I'm not one to set my own prices but I think it will work best for all of us if her price is 2 billion dee-bills."

"Look, that sounds great, but I'm in the middle of a lawsuit and I can't have random people just-"

"And of course, I can't be liable for any damage to people, pets or property, especially property, from her randomness or someone calling her a fancharacter when she is official."

The hare shook her head. "Look that sounds great and all but there's a lot of things I just can't do. I mean, I try to accept as many ideas as I can, and trust me, people request a lot, but there are just some that once they are built just don't work out. I built this Sonic the Werehog: Toilet De-clogger! but he wouldn't tell me what he was doing with the items that were removed and there were so many broken toilets, flooded rooms, not to mention the crazy marks that were left on everyone's behinds-"

"Uh-huh," Tyler nodded enthusiastically. "That sounds great. Also, my ram-"

"And there's also this one with Knuckles. He's a spinning top, right? He just spins and spins and spins wildly but then in the practice session someone from California got caught on Knuckles' spikes and it sent them flying to England. When he finally got there he was covered in so many cuts, scraps, and bruises that he was sent to the hospital. And sort of the same things happened when I was trying to make this one toy that involved Vector storing things in his mouth, but the toy always ended up crushing everything."

"But really you should sell some of my things, I think that it would be better for you in the long run."

Kaoru put her face in her hands and took a couple deep breaths, then reached out and put a hand on the rabbit's shoulder. "Look, you're great and all... And I think we could work really well together if we tried, but... Well... It's not you. It's me. I just can't have a designer right now without things getting really complicated. It's best if don't take this any further."

"But I really think-"

"Kaoru!" another rabbit stormed on stage from the back stage door.

"Seriously?" Kaoru asked, turning towards her. "What have you guys done to my guards? This place should be virtually impossible to get into."

"That's not important right now," she waved her hand. "Don't you know that you're in the middle of a show?"

"Well, yes. But this guy here just burst in and started-"

"You need to sit your little hare tail down and finish the show before I go crazy and kill you."

"I'm sorry?"

"You heard me! Finish the show!"

"I don't think that threatening me is the best way-"

Tyler shook his head. "She really is a procrastinator, isn't she?"

"She is," the rabbit nodded. "I'm Poppy," she told him, shaking his hand.

"I have the perfect thing for procrastinators." Tyler waved towards his battering ram. "It works really well if you want to ram a chronic procrastinator through a wall. I was just about to tell her that when you came in."

"Well, you should finish telling her what you wanted to tell her so she can finish the show. There are a lot of people watching this, you know."

"You're right." Tyler turned back to Kaoru. "So anyway, I'll leave this ram with you and you can decided the price for yourself. We'll discuss Honey and all that later. We have plenty of time to work out the details. I'll call you. Tyler out!" Tyler did a little half bow and turned from Kaoru, leaving the set.

"And I'll remember to change my number," the host muttered under her breath.

"Now finish," Poppy growled, following close behind Tyler.

"Alright. Cream!" she yelled after everyone was gone. "Can we figured out what happened to security... And can you call my phone company?" She looked down at her watch and rolled her eyes. "And that's all we have time for today, apparently. I'll see you guys next week."

* * *

**A/N**

**So many things! I would just like to thank BinaryHedgehog, Poppy the Rabbit, Dyslexic-Carmie, and AWriterThatCan'tSpell, Ultima the Fox, and a guest for all of the things in this chapter. It was pretty interesting to add everything together like that. **

**I hope all of you enjoyed writing this chapter. (EDIT***: While it's been pointed out to me that I typed "writing this chapter" instead of "reading this chapter," I'm going to leave it as it is as. I don't know what I was thinking about or what I was on when I typed that but it obviously wasn't the story. XD I blame the stress of college for me slowly losing my mind... Or should the pleasure of the blame of my mental health go to this story, instead?) **

**Have a good day and DFTBA**


	59. Amy: Girlfriend Doll!

"Alright everyone! It's time again for an episode of that one show that everyone watches all the time and does nothing else with their lives while they are eating a burger in the middle of a church while I talk to this pretty amazing hedgehog guy that has no idea why I would even wear that shirt in the first place I mean god what was I even thinking don't I know that I'm in public? Probably not but that's not really the point because sometimes when you've gone to the disco and you've dropped your favorite quarter on the ground only to find out you've won a lifetime supply of crayons from Crayola you have to sit back and appreciate that some sharks are going to gobble up the bride on the night of her wedding."

"What?" Cream had frozen in mid step while walking a box onto the stage.

Kaoru jumped a bit and looked over at her. "What?"

"Can you... Can you just start the show... Please?"

"Right! Okay! Imagine you had a girlfriend and your girlfriend just broke up with you, and you want to want to make her jealous. Alright? Have you imagined it? Good. Now. What do you do? You get Amy: "Girlfriend" Doll! She'll do anything to make your girlfriend jealous! She'll chase you, hug you, make you food, and never let go of you! And she'll do all of it in any public forum that you could imagine!"

Kaoru thought for a second before adding, "Keep in mind that once you establish this "relationship" with her, she'll actually think that you two are going out. So if your ex wants you back, the Amy: "Girlfriend" doll will chase her down, beat her up, and then chain you to her, the doll, to make sure that you never leave her!"

"But don't worry! You can stop your girlfriend from getting a beat down by simply buying the Sonic doll. This Amy Doll will drop you as if you were a month old bagel... Covered with Larva... And Lava... And Barva... Which is a city... In Costa Rica... There's a volcano there... So it all goes back around to Lava.. I think..."

The hare tilted her head and stared off at the air for a couple minutes before jumping visibly and shaking her head. "Right! The Sonic doll will run at the sight of Amy: "Girlfriend" doll; and, in some unusual cases, will just stick to you even after the purchase of the Sonic doll. We have no idea why this is. There must be something wrong in the formula. It's like those viruses that only cause something to go wrong once every 15 times you open a window... So you never even notice they are there because by the time the second one has happened you've most likely forgotten about the first..."

She thought for a second, "Of course... I'm not trying to say that someone has put a virus anywhere in my store... I think... Anyway. The Sonic doll is sold separately for the cheap price of 356,653,143,145 laser arrows! Let's see some satisfied costumers.

* * *

As the camera comes up on the scene we see McDonalds guy sitting next to an Amy: "Girlfriend" doll, who is busy making hamburgers and fries. The Amy doll looked up at the McDonalds guy. "Are you sure that my Sonic wants all of these greasy cheeseburgers?" Amy Doll asks, making a face at the food she was making.

"Yes, yes. I'll give them to him later... Just let me sample them... Just to make sure you are making them right. We wouldn't want him to get mad cow disease

The camera's lens comes into focus to see a brown cat on the verge of hysterics. He's pointing at the Amy Doll, currently beating the crap out of a brown puma. The cat looks into the camera with a scared expression. "I don't know what went wrong! My cousin came to visit and my Amy doll went NUTS! Now I can't pry her off of Terra!" The cat said, pulling at his ears.

The puma was currently trying to kick the doll off of her. "What's wrong with you?" She shouted at the doll. "I'm his COUSIN! Do you read me?! COUSIN!"

Amy pulled her hammer out. "How do I know that you aren't just telling me that? How do I know you aren't secretly seeing him behind my back?!"

"Um... What are you doing?" An Amy doll asked an artic fox as she walked into the room. The fox looked down at the table in front of him.

"Eating cereal?" he said, taking another bite.

"Why are you eating that cereal?"

"Because I'm hungry."

"Who gave it to you?"

"I gave it to myself. I bought it from the store yesterday."

"When did you go to the store yesterday. I didn't go to the store with you."

"No," he said. "You were asleep. I didn't want to wake you up. And we needed groceries."

"But you didn't need cereal," she frowned.

"What?"

"I gave you cereal yesterday. Are you trying to tell me that my cereal isn't good enough for you?"

"I just like to have sugary cereal..."

"What's her name?"

"Excuse me."

"The girl you bought the cereal from. What's her name?"

"There's no girl..."

"Then why didn't you tell me you went to the store?"

"I didn't think it was important."

"I see." Amy stormed from the room and returned with a jacket and her purse. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"To the store."

"You don't need to go to the store. We have everything we need."

Amy nodded. "I'm going to go find your girlfriend. I assume she works at the store."

"There's no girl. I just went to the store."

"And now I'm just going to go to the store. I'll speak to every girl there if I have to." She stormed out of the house.

"Wait! This is ridiculous!" the fox grabbed his jacket off the chair and bolted out of the house.

* * *

"Oh, right. Sorry. Yes, one thing about that. The Amy:"Girlfriend" doll will attack any girl that comes within a protective 40 feet of you. Even a guy that looks like a girl will be pummeled. So I suggest you find some very masculine looking body guards to form a perimeter around you if you get too close to the Amy doll. It wouldn't be very pretty if you ddon't. The Amy: "Girlfriend" Doll can be yours for just 123,356,489,147 Chaos Emeralds! See you next week!"

* * *

**A/N**

**Big thanks to Poppy the Rabbit for this idea. **

**I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter. **

**You won't see me and I won't see you but you will read me next time!**

**Have a nice day. DFTBA**


	60. Kaoru's Office: Questioning the Currency

"Well," Kaoru said, "scratching something off on a piece of paper. I only need one more item and it will be complete." She smiled happily to herself.

"What will be compete?" Amy asked, walking into the home office with a platter of food. "Ash told me that you haven't eaten in two days. Which she's apparently happy about because there's more for her but she's unhappy that she has to be the one to do the cooking. Honestly I didn't think she knew how to cook. I thought she just ate everything raw unless someone made something for her. But I guess I'm relieved that she's healthier than she seems."

Kaoru stared wide eyed at Amy for a few seconds. "What?"

"Food." Amy set the tray down on the desk in front of the hare. "You should eat something. It's been two days."

"Two days?" She laughed. "I've only been up here about an hour."

Amy gave her a strange look. "What day do you think it is?"

Kaoru rolled her eyes. "It's Saturday."

The hedgehog shook her head. "It's Monday."

"Monday? That's ridiculous. Don't you think I'd know what day it was? Don't you think I'd feel hungry or..." Kaoru ran her tongue over her lips which she suddenly noticed were very dry. A few seconds later her stomach rumbled loudly, causing her to frown down at it. She looked over at the food Amy had brought her and ate a spoonful of soup. "Thanks she said."

Amy sat by Kaoru's side and tilted her head up at her. "How did you lose two days?" she asked.

"I don't know," Kaoru admitted. "But I think... Crap."

"Hm?" Amy asked, looking around the room, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

"I have a show Wednesday and I've wasted a lot of time. I don't even have an idea for a toy. How am I supposed to get one built and-"

"If you don't have an idea for a toy then what's that?"

Kaoru followed Amy's line of sight and gasped loudly. "Ray!" she jumped up and touched the flying squirrel doll on the arm. He was her height and she was able to look him right in the eyes. "You great little flying squirrel you!" She took a step back and looked the toy up and down. "Yes, that might be a problem, then."

"What will?" Amy asked.

"I can't seem to remember him if I," Kaoru threw Amy a look over her shoulder and stopped talking. "I'm sorry... What was I saying?"

"You were telling my about Ray," Amy told her.

"Ray?" Kaoru looked back in front of her and jumped. "Yes! Right! I can't remember him if I look away from him. I'm going to have to fix that. There's got to be a way to remember him."

"But you remembered him when you looked at him. You remembered making him and everything?"

"Yeah. For the most part I can remember him if I look at him."

"But how did you-?"

"He's just easily forgotten. That's all. I mean, when was the last time Sonic invited him to play in a game? Hmm?"

Amy frowned, "Was there someone named Ray in any of the games?"

"Exactly!" she smiled happily. "No one remembers SegaSonic and no one remembers Ray. That's what makes him a great idea! If only I can get him to be remembered. Me being constantly in his presence has apparently made me lose track of time in a ridiculous way."

Amy shook her head and turned away, glancing at Kaoru's desk. "Oh! You were just about to tell me what you needed only one more of!" She moved the tray and picked up the tray and found the paper Kaoru had in her hand before she had entered the room. Looking it over, she laughed a bit. "What is all of this?"

Kaoru kept fumbling with the toy in front of her. "It's a list of all the currencies I've charged everyone since I've started the show," she mumbled.

"And this last thing on the list," the hedgehog read, "do you really expect to get this? Where are you expecting your customers to get this from?"

"Same place they get everything else, I suppose."

"But you can't really expect... Wait, if you're keeping a list and "only need one more item" what have you been doing with all of the things you've been getting from your customers?"

"Amy? Have you met my new friend, Ray?"

Amy looked up and jumped slightly. "Oh! Sorry! Has he been here this entire time? Am I interrupting something?"

The hare nodded. "You are, kinda. I was hoping Ray and I could be alone for a while."

"But," Amy lowered her voice, "What about Shadow? I thought you..."

"Yeah, I thought about that... And I don't think it'll work out. In fact, why don't you call Shadow and invite him over to dinner so we can tell him."

"Alright," she frowned. "If you think that's best." Amy turned away and stopped. "Hey Kaoru! I just had a great idea. Why don't I invite Shadow over for dinner?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. I think he's busy tonight. Maybe we can see him tomorrow."

"I'm going to call him anyway!" Amy laughed, running out of the room.

"Perfect!" Kaoru laughed, "You're going to make one great toy."

"What _do_ you use the currencies for?" The Ray doll woke up as Kaoru tugged his hand.

"Hush, you. That's my business and the business of the people I'm doing it for... Don't worry, it's nothing bad... Just... This last item will get all of it where it needs to go."

"Why didn't that lady remember that she was calling Shadow to talk to you and me?"

"It's all part of your use," Kaoru told him. "And I also think I just figured out how I can remember you."

* * *

**A/N**

**I'd like to thank Trubeque for giving me the idea of Ray the Flying Squirrel which will have a commercial next chapter. **

**Don't question it too much. **

**Thanks for reading this chapter and I hope you all have a good day. **

**DFTBA**


End file.
